


Before There Was You

by LittleStraySheep



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Coping, M/M, More serious than fluff right now, Slow build... kind of, Violence warning is for a super brief scene in chapter 5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2018-11-02 18:12:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 88,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10949991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleStraySheep/pseuds/LittleStraySheep
Summary: Souji struggles with his feelings for his best friend, but amidst the turmoil he must also endure the torment from his 'unusual' Shadow. As he gathers the courage to confess to his partner, he must also learn to trust in his friends as they attempt to rescue Inaba's newest victim.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to just FF, but after 2 years I randomly thought about posting a Souji version here for those that prefer that name. I tried to catch every name, but I may have missed some. If anyone sees anything out of place, please let me know so I can fix it! :) Thanks so much!

Souji flipped open his phone and scrolled to the inbox.

No new messages.

It seemed fairly typical lately as the new school year was now underway, but he still felt that same emptiness every time he checked. He shut the phone, with a little more force than usual, and sighed. Another lonely Sunday.

He crossed his arms and rested them on his desk, laying his head on them. His eyes wandered to the stack of homework to his right and he sighed again. Correction, another _miserable_ , lonely Sunday. Souji stood and made his way through the empty apartment towards the kitchen. He figured it would be better to make tea then start studying; at least it would give his mind a moment to adjust.

As he set the water to boil he looked at his phone again, nothing of course. Why did he bother so soon? There was no notification that he'd received anything, and he was beginning to suspect he was developing a very unhealthy habit. In Inaba there hadn't been a reason to examine his inbox every five to ten minutes; usually he was already with one of his friends. He closed the phone again and set it on the counter, maybe it would be easier to leave it in the kitchen while he studied.

The water began to boil a few minutes later and he grabbed a mug from the cabinet and prepped his tea. He started for his room but stopped and stared at the phone. What had happened to his willpower? No. No, he could leave it there and finish his work. With reluctance he turned and walked back to his bedroom, taking a seat at the desk and grabbing his books and notebook before he could change his mind. Wishing for them to message him wasn't going to make it happen any faster.

 ===

After a few hours Souji placed his hands against the front of his desk and scooted back. It had taken less time than he had anticipated and he felt somewhat relieved. It was quickly replaced with anxiousness, but he put that aside and focused. He knew that it was growing later and he still hadn't eaten. He headed for the kitchen and stopped instantly when he saw a light flashing from the phone. Souji practically leapt for the counter and flung the phone open.

_Coming home tonight, hope you are cooking. :)_

His mother, no one else. Souji closed his eyes a moment, letting the sadness set in so that he could begin to deal with it. Alright, what to make for dinner... Something simple? That might be easiest today; Souji felt drained from all the ridiculous emotional turmoil he'd inflicted on himself.

He opened the refrigerator and stood there for several minutes half deciding, half spacing out. Curry sounded simple enough for him, and he'd made it so many times it was practically muscle memory at this point. He carefully stacked the ingredients in his arms as he walked through the kitchen and set them on the island.

What were the others doing right now? Probably eating something someone else was cooking, and that was probably for the best. Souji formed a small smile thinking about how his friends used to fight over the food he'd make, about how the girls tried to practically kill everyone with their attempts, but mostly the feeling of watching people sincerely enjoy and appreciate him for making them something. It'd barely been a month since he'd left, and although he knew Golden Week was at the end of the month there wasn't a guarantee he was returning to Inaba for the break. He'd mentioned it several times to his mother but she would always respond with, "It depends on your studies." or, "Well, if there isn't something we need you to do."

When he finally paused and looked at the ingredients, they were cut and ready to be cooked. He brought out all of the utensils, pots, and pans he would need and set them in their respective places.

Although he had far more room in this kitchen compared to Dojima's much tinier one, he still felt incredibly cramped. It was all mental of course, but the thought of not having Nanako on a stool next to him watching his every move or asking him a million questions... It wasn't fair. Souji tried to remain the model, studious child for his parents, lest they worry or worse—turn their attention towards him. He'd been independent for far too long for them to take a true interest in his day-to-day life now. However, since his mother had returned from overseas she'd been home more frequently; far less than the average parent, but still more than Souji was accustomed to.

He finished making the roux and began moving on to the other parts of the dish. Maybe something simple wasn't such a great idea; at least when he was cooking he wasn't checking for messages that he knew weren't there. Then again, he could send his friends a message... but he'd already done that earlier in the day. Clearly they all had plans and he felt jealously welling up. No, that wasn't right and he knew it. He composed himself, as he always tried to do, and returned to focusing on dinner. Some background noise might occupy his mind, or at least act as white noise for him. He checked the status of the food before crossing the unnecessarily large living room and pressed the power button on the remote.

He had a sad smile and shook his head upon seeing the program and turned back for the kitchen.

_"-sunny for the next few days. Please be advised that will we experience heavy rain this evening ending around 3 AM. In a moment we will return with-"_

Souji looked up from the pot and stared straight ahead, slightly startled but only for a moment. There was no need to feel nervous every time he heard about evening rain, but that _was_ a habit he'd allowed himself to develop. There were no more Shadows, or fog, or Personas... no more Velvet Room, Igor, or Margaret... no more meetings at the "secret headquarters"... but mostly there was no need for him anymore. He angrily shut his eyes and silently cursed himself. They hadn't saved everyone to wrap themselves in personal glory, that wasn't what it had been about. He knew and understood that then, so why was he having such difficulty now? He'd never felt this way in his entire life, he'd never lost control of his emotions like this, and it was getting harder every day to deal with it.

"Souji, I'm home!"

His eyes shot open and he turned towards the front door.

"Welcome home," his voice cracked slightly. It felt like it had been a few days since he'd actually spoken.

"Mmm, curry. My favorite! I am so happy you don't use that store bought stuff, making it from scratch is so much better, and that reminds me did you—"

He turned on the semi-permanent mute he'd reserved for his mother.

She was much chattier than his father, and Souji once thought he was more like his father than his mother; however, after his stay in Inaba he felt more like a healthy mixture of the two.

"—but of course your father is like that... Souji?" She finished taking off her shoes and hanging up her jacket.

"Ah... Sorry. Is he coming home?" Maybe he'd made too little for dinner...

His mother's face changed to be more serious. "No, and I doubt he's going to for the next couple days. Sorry Souji... I know you've barely seen each other."

It was funny how after all these years she assumed he was still the child waiting by the front door that wouldn't open.

"No, I was just concerned I hadn't made enough. There will probably be some left over anyway." His attention turned once again to the food.

His mother nodded without being seen and headed for her room. At least it was a moment of peace for him, which would have probably seemed strange to someone else considering how lonely Souji had felt all day. However, seeing his mother was a reminder that he wasn't back in Inaba, just stuck in this big city with no one to talk to.

His mother came out of her room in less professional and more comfortable looking clothes. "You know, I haven't heard about you hanging out with anyone since you got back. What happened to your old friends?"

What friends?

"Oh, well I wasn't particularly close to anyone before I left." He stirred the curry slowly, but he knew it only needed to simmer at this point.

"Well, I guess that's our fault. We have always moved you around, huh?" Her tone was solemn.

"It's fine, I was always more comfortable by myself," Souji answered, hoping that she would drop the subject.

She changed to a more cheery tone before replying, "But we really like it here, so I don't think you'll have to worry about moving around! No more overseas adventures—at least not for me. There'll be no need to go back to tiny Inaba."

She laughed, but Souji clenched the spoon tightly in his hand to calm his anger. Why had she said that?

His mother stopped once she noticed how tense her son had become. She fell back on the couch but continued to look at Souji, uncertain with how to approach him.

"It's ready," Souji remarked blandly and started to gather dishes to set the oversized dining table with. Why did they even bother with buying a table? Especially one this large; it wasn't like they ever had company over.

"It smells amazing." She joined him at the table and smiled as he brought her plate over. "I'm surprised the rice cooker still works... It hasn't been used since we left."

Souji was trying to remain respectful, but he just wasn't in the right state of mind to compose conversation. "It was fine." Three words should suffice.

He compulsively checked his phone, but of course, nothing.

His mother frowned. "It's rude to do that at the table."

Souji quickly put the phone down. "Sorry." He honestly did feel bad, but it was habitual. He normally didn't have to worry about being mindful of others in an apartment he was consistently alone in.

"Well, it's fine." She smiled. "Looks like you could use an upgrade. I guess the phone you had in Inaba was out of date. Your father and I _had_ given you one of our old ones before you left; no surprise you had to get a new one."

Souji shook his head. "No. This one is reliable; I don't need a new one." He paused remembering his manners, "Thank you though." A fake smile to cover the annoyance he felt. He could never get rid of this phone, even when it stopped working. It'd been a gift from—

"Oh... Well, I am glad we've raised you to be frugal I guess," she replied with soft laughter, interrupting his thoughts.

Raised him? They were barely there once he'd reached an age where he could take care of himself, and maybe that's why he was able to understand how Nanako felt. He'd been given whatever he'd requested, but he learned at a young age that things didn't repair the growing disappointment he felt with his parents. Now they just felt like acquaintances that he was obligated to make proud.

"Souji? You must be tired... It isn't like you to be so out of it." His mother pressed her wrist to his forehead. "Are you sick? ...No, you feel cool."

How did she know what he was like? His temperature ran cooler than most, and a fever he experienced would feel normal to another person's touch. His friends were aware of that, his own mother should definitely be.

"I'm fine." He tried to hide his bitterness.

Where had this ridiculous teenage angst come from? He was never this sensitive to things, and he had always been thankful for his parents. As he'd gotten older he'd also realized that all the hard work they did was to ensure that his future was secure, that he wouldn't have to worry about school or need for anything. He was becoming selfish... No, not only that, but also unappreciative.

"Sorry, it's just been a long week," he corrected himself after he saw the hurt on his mother's face. Another fake smile.

"I'm sorry, you should go to bed early tonight. You have another long day tomorrow," she suggest, trying to be motherly, but now Souji was more receptive to it.

"Thanks, I think I will after I clean up." Souji finished what little food he had portioned for himself and started to stand.

"No! I'll take care of everything! You just get ready and go to sleep." She was trying so hard.

"You're going to do dishes?" Souji blinked. "Um... It's really fine. I can do it."

She was not the most graceful of individuals and managed to break one thing or another every time she tried to clean.

"I did live alone for a while before I met your father. There wasn't always someone around to take care of the house," she spoke proudly and assuredly, "I think I can wash a few pots and pans."

Souji had a genuine smile now. "Well, if I hear the apartment crumbling, I'll come help."

She bit her lip. "Hmm, maybe you should just stay in your room and not look at the possible disaster."

He nodded, still smiling, and returned to his room.

 ===

_Pi, pi, pi!_

Souji eyes flew open and he grabbed his phone.

_hey partner! sorry about earlier... long day at work but u know how dad is. never a day off -_-_

Souji sat up and stared at his phone in disbelief, then at the clock. 22:54. He yawned and read the message several times, his face growing happier each time.

_It's fine. My mother came home this evening, so it's been hectic._

Such an "interesting" response he'd given. Had he really just wasted his time with that?

_it's so hard to imagine her. dude u gotten send me a pic of ur parents one day!_

To Souji's delight, they were finally able to 'talk', and the anxiety that had built up seemed to mystically disappear. He wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing that Yosuke always seemed to overpower his self-doubt, but if it made him happy—how bad could it be?

Even with the generic questions and answers, Souji was overjoyed. However, Yosuke finally admitted defeat and said he had to get some rest.

_not that i'll pay attention tomorrow but u'll scold me if i dont try!_

Souji frowned, but Yosuke was right. Souji wanted him to improve this year. Plus, the better he did, the more time he got off from work. Yosuke's father was strange like that.

_I'm glad we got to talk, it's been lonely here. Good night, stay awake tomorrow and take notes._

Souji didn't like to admit how isolated he felt back 'home', but Yosuke was different. His friend sent back a promise to do so and a goofy farewell. Souji carefully locked the thread and lay on his side, scrolling through all the old messages until his eyes became heavy again. He'd try to be more positive tomorrow.

 === 

"Senpai!"

That voice.

Souji turned, and sure enough, there stood Rise.

"Senpai, I can't believe it's you!" She threw her arms around him, jumping up and down slightly.

Rise was here. In the main lobby of his school. His prestigious private school. With too many students around for Souji to even comprehend.

"It's only been a few weeks, but I've missed you so much!" She looked up at him with a pouting face.

"Rise... Uh..." He could feel everyone staring at them.

"Le-let's go talk outside." He quickly directed them out the door and to the side of the school. It was facing the sports' fields, but they were too far enough away for anyone to be able to recognize them.

Rise looked hurt and confused. "Senpai, are you embarrassed by me?"

"No, no..." He looked around carefully and sighed.

She remained unconvinced.

"I _am_ happy to see you, believe me, but sometimes you forget who you are," Souji explained, trying to make it sound as reasonable as possible.

"Because I'm Risette again?" she replied bluntly.

"Yes. You're more well known than you were before, and this school..." He swallowed. "It's kind of conservative."

"Sorry... I should have texted you when you messaged me yesterday, but I really wanted to surprise you." She seemed to be a little sad, but at least she understood.

"And surprise me you did." Souji smiled, finally feeling comfortable enough to be himself.

Rise smiled mischievously. "Well, it's always interesting to see the cool, composed Senpai flustered." She giggled and returned to her bubbly self. Souji shook his head at the joke and sighed, secretly pleased.

"You should show me around since school is over! I would ask to tour the school, but... I don't think that's a good idea today." She took his hand before he could answer and started walking towards the city.

Souji didn't even want to imagine what he would face tomorrow, but for now one of his friends was with him and it felt like the old days.

"You still have to treat me though, let's pretend this is a date!" She winked and leaned on his arm more.

He laughed and nodded. "That's fine. Just be careful we don't end up on the news tonight."

She briefly let go of his hand and reached into her oversized bag. "No worries, I am a master when it comes to going incognito!" She pulled the item she had been searching for out of the bag.

"Rise, that's a hat," Souji commented, enjoying the feeling of having someone he trusted with him. "Plus, you didn't do the best job hiding when you arrived in Inaba."

"Hey, I was testing a new theory! Hiding in plain sight! It sort of worked you know, everyone just kind of got used to me being there." She tugged the hat down around her face and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Hmm, maybe you saw it that way." He'd missed this. It had been so hard to not have someone around.

"Enough stalling, let's get some food! Ooo, or coffee? You choose Senpai! I want to do everything I possibly can today! Prepare for a long night!" She resumed her position of holding onto his arm and hand.

If it had been anyone else, Souji would have laughed at the suggestiveness of the sentence, but it was Rise and this was just how she was. He knew her, and for the most part she knew him. He was glad he was there to help her figure out what she wanted, and her comeback had been an impressive one.

"You changed your hair."

Rise didn't respond and Souji assumed she was waiting for his judgment. "It makes you look more mature, I like it."

She held his arm tighter. "Thanks Senpai..." It was a glad, relieved voice, but Souji sensed pain and he knew why. He'd keep the compliments to himself.

He returned to their previous topic. "There are a few places I've actually gone to, but you might be a better tour guide. I've lived here for a while, but you've actually experienced more of the city during your tours." He didn't want to disappoint her with some boring café.

Rise looked up at him with a sweet smile. "No, anywhere is great."

Souji nodded and headed towards a place he thought she might enjoy.

 ===

Seeing Rise that evening had greatly improved his mood, and he'd actually only checked his phone once he returned home. A message from Rise.

_Senpai that was soooo much fun!~ <3 I can't wait to see you again! I'm going to Inaba for a day or two during Golden Week. You better be there!_

He slipped off his shoes and jacket while responding.

_Indeed, thank you for stopping by. I was really glad to see you. I'll try my hardest to be there. Good luck with your tour._

"You're home later than usual," his mother called from the couch.

"Sorry, I was with a friend." Souji surveyed the state of the apartment and decided it was how he'd left it that morning. He had to reset everything before he left for classes. At least she'd tried.

"I'm glad, I was beginning to worry." She patted the seat beside her and Souji sat down, turning his attention to the TV for a moment.

"Want me to make something tonight? It's not too late."

"You just got home though... Don't you need to get some rest?" She seemed concerned, but Souji knew she would prefer his cooking.

"Really, I'm okay. In Inaba I always did something after school so I'm used to it." He opened up a little to her, but he knew he couldn't tell her even a small part of what he'd done. It'd be hard to explain how hanging out with a friend was nothing compared to traversing the TV World, trying to defeat an evil that could destroy the world.

"I knew your father and I should have sent you an allowance. I shouldn't have listened to you when you told me not to." She was concerned again. "You shouldn't have had to work that much, you deserved some time off."

Souji laughed, not at what she'd said, but how she was completely clueless as to the amazing things all of them had accomplished.

"Croquettes?" he offered, knowing she'd accept.

"That sounds amazing." She'd already forgotten about what they'd been discussing.

Souji nodded and starting preparing their meal, he'd made his choice based off his good mood. It was the first meal he'd attempted to teach Yosuke during their break before he'd left. He figured he would at least try to show him some basic recipes that even Yosuke couldn't mess up. It had gone horribly wrong every single time.

"Oh, the news is back on." His mother turned up the volume.

The potatoes were beginning to boil and Souji started cooking the meat in another pan.

_”—it was an uneventful day in the sports world—"_

What was Yosuke eating for dinner? Maybe he was stuffing his face during his break, or even while working. He was never the type of person to stick to a normal schedule. Souji had felt a certain obligation after a while to make Nanako's lunch and occasionally Yosuke's lunch when he knew they could eat together without the others making a big deal and teasing Yosuke. Souji didn't mind the jokes, but he didn't want to embarrass Yosuke to the point of where he didn't even want the lunch.

He seasoned the meat and then mashed the potatoes, mixing them with the meat afterwards and seasoning it some more. He divided it into patties and set them on a dish to place into the refrigerator for an hour.

_"—that concludes the news for today stay tuned for—"_

Souji stood at the end of the sectional. "I'm going to finish homework while those rest."

"That's fine, I'll sit here and watch my daily dose of gossip." She yawned and smiled as Souji handed her a blanket.

"See you in an hour." He headed for his room.

 ===

At least there was very little to do tonight, and he'd done quite a bit of it during lunch today. It wasn't like he had anyone talk to, but there might be some commotion tomorrow. If he was the type of person to avoid confrontation he would probably have skipped classes.

He entered the kitchen again and took the croquettes out, heating the oil he had ready. His phone had been quiet since his earlier texts with Rise, but it was okay today, he felt better. His mother had been quiet and he assumed she'd fallen asleep given that the volume had been lowered. He would wake her when the food was done.

He placed the now Panko covered patties in the oil and watched them cook. He smiled remembering how Yosuke had not heeded Souji's warning and simply dropped one in the oil, burning his hand with the splash. Souji pulled his phone out and took a picture of the almost finished meal.

_Look familiar?_

He sent Yosuke the message and jumped when he heard the phone ring only a minute later.

He opened the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey! It's the thing I butchered! Dude, I still have a scar on my hand from that."

Souji's chest felt warm hearing Yosuke's voice.

"Yosuke, I warned you to be careful, you can't rush headfirst even into simple recipes." Souji chuckled. Today _had_ been a good day.

"I got a little better with the master chef of Inaba helping me. I can now boil ramen without the fear of my house burning to the ground!"

"At least I've taught you to boil water. I should have made that step one." Souji turned the croquettes over to cook evenly.

"But I am so jealous. I can't eat your food for like another week and then some. Is Golden Week here yet? Dude, this sucks."

Souji's mood fell. "Oh, right... Golden Week."

There was a pause on the other end followed by a much more depressed sounding Yosuke. "You are coming... aren't you?"

"I... I hope so. I haven't gotten a clear answer yet. I'm not worried about my studies though, so that should help." Souji didn't want to talk about this, he wanted to return to the happy conversation that they rarely got to have together.

Yosuke must have sensed that. "Well, we'll stay positive and hope for the best! I'm sure Dojima can convince them if it comes to it. He'll just put Nanako-chan on the phone and her tears will melt your mom's heart."

Souji smiled again, because that could actually work. He set the food onto a pan to cool and began setting the table all while talking Yosuke about Junes and how Yosuke wanted to actually burn _that_ building to the ground. He followed up with how he'd actually managed to stay awake and take notes today and finish about a third of his homework. Even the most mundane topics filled Souji's heart with warmth.

"See? You being overbearing has helped! Before I would just rush to do it on the morning it was due, but now I rush to do it the day before." Yosuke was rustling papers in the background.

"Well, more improvement means less Junes' time," Souji reminded him.

"Ugh, but also less money. I wish I didn't have to worry like you."

"Hmm, you misunderstand my parents; they don't just shower me with everything," Souji corrected him, feeling slightly disappointed.

"Calm down dude, I know. I was just kidding around, plus you never ask for anything anyway. I practically had to force you to keep the phone I bought you."

"And you never let me pay you back."

"Hell no, that was the least I could do. You paid me back with something better than money."

Souji felt his face begin to burn now, and there was a loud crash on Yosuke's end.

"Ah, tha-that sounded really weird. Forget that I said it like that, please. I meant helping me out with Junes and all the other emotional crap I threw at you."

"No, I understand, thank you though." Souji wouldn't forget though, even if Yosuke didn't mean it the way he'd taken it.

"I hear mom calling so I guess I better go," Yosuke stated with a heavy sigh. "We, uh, should text later, right?"

"Yeah, that'd be"—great—"fine." Souji's face twisted in frustration. He never said what he wanted, a trait he was not comfortable with.

"Awesome, text you later then. See ya!"

"Sounds good, until then."

Click.

Souji hadn't felt this way since he'd returned to the city, and for a moment he felt like his old self. However, it was time to eat and he couldn't let his mother sleep without dinner. He walked to the couch, but she was awake, reading something off her tablet.

She looked up. "Food done?"

Souji simply nodded, perplexed as to why she'd remained so quiet and hadn't interrupted his conversation. He thought about what Yosuke and he had talked about, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Why was she acting so strange?

"Excellent." She stood up and followed him to the table. "Ah, it's been so long since I've had homemade ones."

"I hope I don't disappoint." He tried to hide his joy, but he couldn't stop smiling.

"So, Yosuke, huh? Wasn't that your best friend from Inaba?" She took a bite while waiting for Souji's answer.

He stared at her with a confused look. "When did I tell you about Yosuke?" He hadn't, but he wanted to know how she'd gotten her information without being too accusatory of her.

"Nanako told me." She seemed pleased with herself. "Her Big Bro—which is adorable by the way—was all she could talk about."

Souji felt somewhat irritated as he responded, "You called Nanako, but not me?"

"Oh, don't be like that. I called the house phone because I knew if you were home I wouldn't be interrupting your free time as much. You weren't kidding when you said you had a lot to do after school. So, instead I would talk to Nanako, but don't worry I wasn't doing so to spy on you." She smiled and took another bite of her food.

"What did she say?" Souji was feeling more uneasy by the minute. His mother was acting strangely.

"She mostly talked about how you and your friends would take care of her and how she missed her father—Ryotaro was always busy even Chisato was alive, and about some murder case. She's too young to know about that stuff, Ryotaro should censor himself more around her." She watched Souji's face remain emotionless. "But... anyway, she talked about Chie, Yukiko, Kanji, Naoto, some guy called 'Teddy'—which sounds weird to m—but she talked about Yosuke a lot more often."

Souji was surprised she remembered almost everyone's names, but being good with names was part of her job. However, something didn't sit right. He thought there was something strange about the way she delivered her statement. She was leaving Rise out. His brain felt frazzled, and he was having trouble piecing it together.

"Yosuke sounds like a great friend, and I am glad you two met. However, she did mention one other person," she briefly trailed off, sounding like she was about to reveal some grand mystery.

Souji's eyes widened and he instantly knew.

"Risette! Oh my gosh, Souji! How could you keep this from me!?" She clasped her hands together dramatically, stars practically in her eyes.

"Hang on—"

"You two were on TV tonight! How could you keep such an adorable girlfriend a secret from your own mother? I can be quiet, you know! She could have come over here instead of you sneaking around!" She was starting to run wild with this train of thought.

Souji grimaced, so they had been seen. It terrified him that they'd been shown on such a popular show, but he should have known, someone at his school probably called someone. He also knew that this supposed offer his mother had extended was only because she wanted to meet Rise, but the idea of him bringing her home to hang out would have caused a complete scandal.

"It was excellent—'Risette's secret love'! Ah, that headline is fabulous." His mother definitely had a weakness for this nonsense.

"Mother, we are—"

"Completely in love! I can imagine it'd be so easy after you spent A YEAR WITH HER IN INABA! How serious is this? When are we meeting her? Are you getting married after college? You can't just go on tour with her and leave your responsibilities behind young man," she rambled on and on.

He was sure that she was completely lost in her own fantasy now.

His parents had always pushed him to find a successful female that was aiming to be at the top of her career. A pop idol was probably the best news his mother could hear, but he imagined his father didn't envision that. Neither did Souji.

"Mother," he repeated, louder and more firm this time, and she paused to stare at him.

"Rise and I are just friends." He was going to dismiss this as quickly as possible. "I do not see her in a romantic way, nor will that ever change."

"Just because she hasn't confessed doesn't mean she doesn't feel the same. The way she was holding you, it was quite obvious—"

"No. She confessed and I politely declined. She is very important to me, and one of my best friends, but she is a friend. Nothing more."

Her mother looked devastated, but she quickly recovered.

"Oh, so like a little sister?"

Souji cocked his head slightly. "I'm sorry?" He must not have heard her correctly.

"You see her as a little sister instead?"

Close enough.

"Yes, more like that, I suppose. However, now that this has been shown on the evening news, I would appreciate it if you could dispel any rumor you hear and not fuel this. After a while it will calm down and sort itself out." It was bizarre to lecture his own mother.

She pouted. "Fine. I'm sure your father will be happy to hear that," she finished with a grumpy tone, like it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Souji smiled, because at least she was trying to encourage him. "I will bring her by for you to meet her—"

_Pi, pi, pi!_

He stopped midsentence and his eyes grew large. During the conversation with his mother he must not have heard his phone, but he now saw the dozens of messages he'd received.

Rise, Rise, Rise, Chie, Kanji, Rise, random number, random number—a majority of just random numbers, and Rise. However, there was one towards the top that made his stomach turn.

_hey partner what the hell? i thought you two werent together? when did this change?_

Souji ignored his mother, and all other texts, and quickly tried to salvage this before it got out of control.

_No. She stopped by to see me at school. We went out and it got blown out of proportion by the media._

Most of the other messages were that of disbelief, threats, congratulations, confusion, and about a dozen apologies and questions from Rise. All Souji cared about was Yosuke's response, and he turned on his mother's mute and waited. The minutes felt eternal.

_oh whew. i figured youd tell me. :) text you later then._

Souji slumped back in the chair, utterly relieved that it only took one message to convince him.

"Souji Seta!"

He snapped back and looked at his now angry mother. "Sorry."

"I guess this isn't so great, huh?" She had a sad smile, understanding that this was going to difficult for her son.

"It'll be fine. School might be awkward, but Rise isn't so huge yet that we'll have people camped outside the apartment." Souji truly believed that, thankfully.

His mother took her empty plate and walked to the sink. "Enough excitement for one evening, I think. Get ready for bed. Oh, and Souji, a letter came for you today," she explained, pointing towards the table near the front door.

He nodded and quickly finished eating, carefully wording his request that he do dishes tonight. It was much easier doing them afterwards than the next morning. His mother sighed, agreed and bid him good night. She shifted uncomfortably and kissed his cheek before going to her room. Souji wasn't used to her being this affectionate and it was incredibly odd to experience. He dismissed it as guilt on her part for being gone so long and finished cleaning the mess. He dried his hands and picked up the envelope before entering his own room.

Naoto had sent him another letter.

Souji smiled and grabbed a letter opener, carefully cutting the envelope and retrieving the letter. He stopped before he read it and wrote the date he'd received it on the envelope. If he actually reflected on his systematic approach to basic tasks, he'd probably understand Yosuke's taunts about him more accurately.

He took a moment to glance at his phone. He'd set Yosuke to a specific tone so that he could discern the difference a while ago. The others had a different ring, but they all shared the same, different one. Yosuke was unique.

He sat on his bed and read the elegantly written letter slowly, enjoying the feel of paper in his hands versus a phone. Getting a written letter was far more preferable to him than a two line text message. The letter was typical of Naoto, she discussed a case she was working on when she wasn't attending school, how on her free days she had to travel to different places and interview certain people, it continued with how she was adjusting to feeling comfortable with herself and how thankful she was again to have him as a friend.

In the background, the phone quietly beeped every few minutes, but the beep was that of a random number. Souji returned to the letter and smiled at Naoto's departing words.

_Senpai, perhaps it's not my place, but I hope that you have found more courage since our previous letters to realize your feelings. I am certainly no expert concerning that subject, but I am familiar with that ache of truly longing for someone. Please call if you need my assistance with anything, and I hope to see you during the upcoming break._

Naoto had been the only person Souji could talk to about how to act with Yosuke after discovering how he felt about his best friend. Souji hadn't said anything to Yosuke or acted any differently, but he was hyperaware of everything Yosuke did when they were together. Sometimes it was tiring, sometimes it was almost second nature, but mostly it was just another emotion for him to grow accustomed to. It had been much more difficult to deal with new feelings as a person in their late teens, but it had to happen eventually.

He set the letter down and looked over at the stuffed animal on his nightstand. Kanji had made him the bear and sent it in a package along with a letter. Souji could only guess the letter had been sent because Kanji had heard about Naoto sending her own. It was short—somewhat angry, but inspired. Kanji always skipped the fluff and said how a situation actually was, unless Naoto was part of the situation. Souji had tried to talk to Kanji about it before, but it was promptly dismissed and he'd decided Kanji would talk when he was ready.

Souji lifted the bears arm and smiled at the hair tie attached, it was the one Yosuke had worn in the pageant last year. Kanji said he'd sent it as a joke to bother Yosuke, but Souji knew that Kanji was trying to cheer him up. Kanji hadn't admitted it, but Souji could tell he was mostly aware of how Souji felt.

He stood and began getting ready for bed, laying down afterwards and staring at the crowded inbox. Rise had sent a message while he was in the bathroom, and he finally sorted through her messages.

_Senpai I am SOOOO SORRY, please text me back and don't be mad! ;3; I didn't think anyone saw us!_

Souji sighed and responded with something reassuring.

_It's really fine Rise, give it a week and things will be back to normal. Have a good night._

He responded to Chie and Kanji as well, correcting the news story and promising his friends it was all false. He ignored the other messages. He waited for Yosuke to finally text him, but maybe he should be the first one to send a message. What could he say though? Instead he adjusted his pillows and thought about the hypothetical.

Even if he finally had the courage to come clean and tell Yosuke, what then? Be rejected? Yosuke didn't seem interested in anything other than a friendship, but even he did things that made Souji question. Souji had assumed it was because he'd just never had a best friend before and wasn't accustomed to the lengths people would go through for him. That night that Nanako had...well, that night—Yosuke had been there. After everyone else was told to go home and rest by the obviously strong leader, Yosuke had come back. He'd known Souji's world was in shambles and he'd let himself show weakness to Yosuke.

Souji had cried on another person, something he'd never done or even thought about doing, and Yosuke stood there saying nothing. Most people would has resented the silence, but the pair knew the other one so well that the gesture was the only one that would have worked. After a time, Yosuke ahd shifted Souji from his shoulder and held him—at a comfortable distance, but still the way Souji had held him the day Yosuke had broken down at the riverbed. That night had been the turning point for Souji, and he'd had doubts about his feelings before, but after Yosuke had seen him at his most vulnerable he knew that were no more uncertainties. It had been terrifying and jumbled with grief and about a dozen other emotions he couldn't place, but it was calming at the same time. Souji didn't understand his own method of coping with trauma, but the few times he'd faced it, Yosuke had been the one to hold him up.

Yosuke's tone finally sounded.

Souji lifted up his phone again and felt that familiar sting of wanting and not having.

_sorry dad was nagging. you still up? gotta vent if thats cool_

The teen was thankful that Yosuke had dropped the Rise problem. Not to say he was happy that Yosuke was upset, but it did mean they would be texting longer than usual.

_Of course, what happened? I'm always here to listen_

Souji paused and took a deep breath.

_partner._


	2. Chapter 2

At a distance all too far, a boy was tucked under his covers, hiding underneath a mountain of pillows. He adjusted, trying to get comfortable while lying on his stomach, but he was too excited to be still. The light from his phone was hidden beneath his fort, and his message exchange felt secret and undisturbed.

_You seem to be feeling better, I hope I helped._

Yosuke was. This was the most happy he'd been in weeks, and he tried to pretend that it was just because he was talking to his best friend.

_dude you have no idea. i thought i was gunna flip earlier! hope i havent kept you up too late._

But his phone read 1:06 and he knew that Souji needed to sleep for school because he _had_ a future and Yosuke wasn't going to be the one to compromise it. He wasn't ready to let go yet though. He wanted to read that Souji was fine and that they could text as long as Yosuke wanted. That would be impossible as they'd both probably starve before Yosuke was satisfied. Ugh, he sounded way too giddy about a simple conversation. How lonely was he without his partner?

_No, it's been a long time since we've talked. I missed you._

Yosuke's mouth fell open briefly and he quickly tried to arrange his thoughts into a coherent response.

_its been way too long right?_

He had to add more than that or this was just going to run the exchange into a dead end.

_did you and rise have fun?_

Why did that sound more bitter than he had intended? He only wanted to change topics, but he had just snapped at Souji earlier about the story, and he was sure Souji was getting bombarded with hateful messages. Why did he always fuck this up? Why was it taking him so long to respond? Why did the last couple of months take such a weird turn for them? When Yosuke looked at the ease of their friendship, they didn't even have to say what they were thinking—one look had always been enough. However—and he couldn't even guess a date if he had a gun to his head—now Yosuke seemed to confuse even the most basic of mannerisms Souji displayed. It wasn't that he thought Souji had changed all that dramatically, but something had definitely happened.

_Fine, but if I am being completely honest, a little awkward. I think she still cares about me in a way I can't return._

Yosuke calmed down. Souji had come to him after the confession feeling like a heartless jerk. Souji felt terrible for making Rise cry, but it had been unavoidable; Rise was overly emotional and Souji—although he always tried to make attempts—came off as somewhat cold at times. Yosuke, selfish as _he_ was, felt a brief moment a satisfaction when he'd found out about Souji's rejection. He'd convinced himself that the reason was because Rise needed to finally get a taste of what the real world had to offer, but that still didn't seem like the appropriate response a friend should have. He hadn't really processed the momentary happiness since then, but it was something that had frightened him for a reason he couldn't place.

_hey its gunna be weird at first but its Rise so she'll bounce back._

Yeah, that sounded reassuring, or close enough anyway.

_Thanks, but I am dreading school tomorrow. Think I could get away with skipping one time? We can meet halfway and take a mental health day together._

Yosuke covered his face with a free hand and groaned. This was growing to be a complicated situation.

_A joke, obviously._

He'd known, but it still felt good to see Souji write it. Was Souji as lonely as he was? Of course, and what an idiotic thing to think. Yosuke at least had the others around, and there wasn't much point to a big city full of strangers. He tried to imagine Souji singing karaoke by himself and it was pitiful.

_You there? Did you fall asleep?_

Oh shit, he needed to send something light hearted.

_nah just imagining you singing karaoke._

Their texts were slowly turning more experimental for Yosuke. If he said this what would Souji respond with? What if he added this or answered like this? It seemed way too childish, but Yosuke also felt like he had to practically relearn his best friend all over again.

_We should do that if you ever come to visit. I would love to see if you're better at singing than you are at cooking._

Yosuke grinned reading Souji's familiar sarcasm. At least that was still the same.

_i will destroy you._

He could see it now, Souji's terrible singing followed by Yosuke's only slightly less terrible singing. Some random song about beating the odds and standing together. Funny how the others were less and less involved in his future plans with Souji.

But what did that mean? What did _all_ of this mean?

_In what way?_

Hold on. What was _that_ supposed to mean? Was that a—

_In any case, I look forward to your attempts._

Why did he read everything twelve different ways? Souji was too vague and it wasn't fair. Another thing that remained the same, but Yosuke could never read what the vagueness relating to him meant; with the others—sure, no problem, but when his partner was joking like this, it was all too complicated.

 The messaging continued about another hour or so before Yosuke made the decision to let Souji sleep.

_get some rest and prepare for war tomorrow. text me that you are alive periodically._

Enough with his selfishness, Souji couldn't afford to be exhausted.

_I will, I hope you sleep well. We should actually talk tomorrow if you don't have work._

A spoken conversation that lasted longer than ten minutes sounded great to Yosuke, but he did have to work.

_i'll be there until 7 but i am free after that. i'll try to eat at work!_

He had tried to refrain from texting Souji a thousand times a day, but it was getting harder and he didn't want to appear clingy. Plus, there was no way Souji wanted to hear about Yosuke's mundane days. A text would have been sent to him every few minutes.

_bored._

_still bored._

_chie is being a pain._

_people are talking._

_come here and distract them._

_bored bored bored._

_what did you make for lunch?_

Texts that he'd composed and never sent. There were hundreds more like those he'd deleted after second guessing himself. His phone buzzed again.

_By the way—and don't think this means I expect it or that you're obligated, but if you wanted to text more I'd really like that. You wouldn't be a bother, I promise._

Geez, was the guy in his head? ...Who was he kidding, of course Souji was. He _always_ was.

_trust me if i sent everything i wanted you would go crazy._

Literally three seconds later.

_Try me._

This was too much for one night. So many questions with too few answers. Souji was the most confusing person Yosuke had ever met, but he supposed it made sense. He couldn't argue that his line of reasoning didn't make a whole lot of sense if he stood back and examined it. How could someone he could practically speak for be such a mystery to him? But literally just _him_. If Chie asked a question, Yosuke could answer for Souji and his partner would simply nod—hell, he could even order at a restaurant for the guy at this point, but when Yosuke questioned what Souji intended for him... Where were the answers there? Why wasn't that equally as effortless? Did that say more about how Yosuke felt concerning himself?

_right right i will. be careful what you wish for! night partner!_

That seemed completely normal. Totally normal, nothing weird or out of place about that.

It was just two best friends who were used to seeing each other every day, but now they lived on what felt like opposite sides of the planet. Yosuke was mildly pleased with himself and his deductions, but he also knew he had to be missing something.

Then again, he probably just missed his best friend and it was only natural to be concerned about bombarding him with calls and texts.

It was... Wasn't it?

Yosuke looked at the phone and sighed as the screen turned off due to inactivity. How did you go about telling your best friend that you felt like you didn't know him anymore? Was it really Souji that had changed, or was it him?

=== 

School followed the normal pattern, but now Yosuke sent a fourth of the texts he'd planned on deleting. He was used to not sleeping more than five hours, but the conversation they'd had kept him up thinking until a few minutes before his obnoxious alarm went off.

"Yosuke? You alive?" Chie prodded his shoulder roughly.

"Hrmph." An eloquent response.

"Hey, wake up you dummy. Lunch just started." Chie gave one final push and leaned back.

"Not hungry, go ahead without me." He turned his head and stared at her with red eyes.

"Geez, didja you get any sleep, Senpai?"

Oh good, Kanji was there too.

"No, now please let me enjoy my fifteen minutes of rest." He thought about working later at Junes and sighed.

Of course, the group next to him didn't budge. He heard Yukiko and Naoto talking and it was something about Souji.

"Did Souji receive your letter, Naoto?"

A what?

"He should have yesterday, and I believe he recently got Kanji's letter as well," Naoto answered and Yosuke could hear Kanji scooting away from her.

"A letter? Why a letter?" Yosuke pried, now sitting up straighter.

Naoto nodded. "Senpai mentioned he preferred letters every now and then, so I correspond with him that way most of the time."

"I sent him a couple too, but he always sends back such serious stuff. It's real awkward." Kanji crossed his arms and looked towards the ceiling.

Yosuke wanted to read these letters. Why hadn't he gotten a letter? Why hadn't he been told Souji liked getting letters? When had _this_ started?

"Maybe you should send him one Senpai, I'm sure it would cheer him up." Naoto smiled innocently as she spoke, but Yosuke detected something sinister.

"Nah, letters aren't really my thing, I'll stick to texting." Yosuke seemingly wrote off the idea and rested his head on his arms again.

"Well, I believe it would be a nice surprise for him," Naoto finished and returned to her conversation with Yukiko.

Oh, but he was going to send one, and it would beat their letters. Yosuke tried to desperately think of what exactly he would write that could elevate his letter to this supreme, overlord status he'd created in his mind, but his lack of sleep was working against him. He looked down at his phone and smiled seeing the light.

_Still alive and well, make sure you are focusing on school while sending me messages. I'm much more occupied with remaining unnoticed today than usual. The principal and my homeroom teacher actually gave me a lecture on responsibility and how the students' actions reflect the school as a whole. I apologized, but I had a few things I would have liked to respond with._

Wow, Souji was irritated, but at least it made him chattier.

_eh just let it go. or dont and knock them out. letting it go would probably be more prudent._

_you like that? bigger vocabulary than usual amiright? all these homework assignments you make me do must be paying off._

Maybe that would help Souji feel better.

_Impressive, I can't wait to see how you'll be texting by the end of the school year. Lunch is over here, but don't forget about later. :)_

Yosuke held still and stared for a moment. Souji had actually sent a smiley face. Why did these simple things confuse him so much? Had this been the case before?

 ===

Later on, Yosuke mindlessly stocked the shelves in the grocery department; his body was set to autopilot as his exhaustion reached its peak. Two symbols put together had totally ruined his concentration for the day. How was this healthy?

A nearby manager called over to him, "15 minutes and you can go, Hanamura."

It was a sense of relief as Yosuke pooled his remaining strength together to power through the final pieces stock. He could finally leave and keep his appointment with Souji. Also, in the past few hours he'd compiled a decent idea for a letter; maybe not the words, but the other, more important aspect, he felt.

 ===

 "Okay, multitasking." Yosuke turned on his laptop and picked up the phone, eyeing the clock as he did so.

"Don't think about earlier, don't say something stupid, and don't make an ass of yourself. You've had a ton of conversations, just act like a person with some sense today." He tried to give himself a pep talk mixed with some advice. Maybe it would work this time.

He pressed two then send, his speed dial for Souji. Two rings.

"Hello," Souji answered casually, although he sounded somewhat tired.

"Hey, sorry about all the messages today, I warned you though," Yosuke tried to joke, not daring to tell him there were about a hundred more he wanted to send.

"Honestly, I had expected more."

Dammit, so he _could_ have sent more.

"Well, I'll amp up my game then," Yosuke replied as he laughed, trying to make it sound more like it was Souji's idea at this point.

"I look forward to it. By chance, did anyone mention what happened last night at Yasogami today?" Souji sounded on edge.

"Nah, mostly just Chie asking if I'd heard for some reason. No one else is really interested in the stuff."

"Even Kanji texted me."

"Well, it's Kanji."

"Hmm, you did as well."

"Ass." They both laughed.

While Souji answered Yosuke's questions about his day, Yosuke was organizing files on his computer. He wouldn't mention anything to Souji about his letter and definitely not ask why Souji hadn't mentioned his like for letters. Yosuke wasn't about to sound like a jealous girlfriend.

Souji changed the subject after a few minutes. "It's our last year, do you have any plans after—"

"Ugh, don't even remind me. I feel like I am gonna be stuck here with no future." Yosuke didn't want to talk about this.

"I thought after what happened last year you loved Inaba now?"

He had, but the thing that he loved most about Inaba was gone.

Yosuke jolted up at the thought and almost dropped the phone. No, that was not how he had intended it, even in his own mind. He loved Souji like a brother, like family, like a friend. Friend. Best friend. His partner, but not like—you know, _that_ kind. Why was he making everything sound so awkward even towards himself?

"I do like it... a lot more, but"—How could he phrase this—"it's not the same." So vague, how wonderfully awful, and now he'd set himself up for Souji to ask more questions. Not that he could blame him, because Yosuke would do the same and often had to... At least now, anyway. The thought stung.

"How do you mean? After the murders?" Although Souji was being unclear, Yosuke knew that his tone meant it had to do with Saki-senpai this time.

"Just... the adrenaline has worn off, we've all settled back into our old routines. There're no more Personas"—No more you—"or battles... It just sucks. Not that people getting thrown into the TV was great, just our mission is complete and it's not the same anymore." It felt wrong to complain to Souji, who was stuck in a city by himself, and if he said it was because Souji was gone it would sound creepy and pathetic.... Right?

There was a long silence on the other end.

"Souji? Hey, sorry... I know that wasn't really fair to—"

"No. No, I understand what you mean completely."

Yosuke heard Souji take a deep breath.

"It's hard to be here, without you guys, and part of me wishes we could all just climb in a TV and meet up." Souji laughed at the end, but it was sad and bitter.

Yosuke felt his chest tightening. "Hey, don't worry, I'm sure Golden Week will work out. Let's talk about something more—uh, positive. Or whatever." Nailed it. Totally nailed cheering him up. Yosuke felt like an idiot.

"Yeah... Let's hope, right? Do you have homework?" Souji inquired, like a concerned mother.

"You know the answer," Yosuke replied, sounding like a defeated son.

"Should you do that?"

"No!" That was a little too quick. "Uh, I mean it's cool. I'm not that tired that I won't do it after this, and we don't talk often so..." He was exhausted, and he could probably fall on the futon and pass out in seconds.

"Oh, well if you need help you can just text me later too," Souji offered, and Yosuke thought about seriously taking him up on that. Souji's homework was probably levels above his, so it would probably look like a joke.

"Thanks, I mean it." Yosuke was running out of stuff to say, and he wanted to ask a dozen questions, but it didn't seem relevant right now. If he asked a question, it would be obvious that he had been thinking about it...

Fuck it.

"Hey, um, Souji?" Grow a pair, shit.

"Hmm?" God, when he did that it was hard to act serious.

"The thing with Rise..." This had been at the back of his mind, and he tried to cover it up but couldn't. "What did you guys do anyway? What happened that made people think you were dating?" Yosuke hadn't seen the program himself, just heard about it from his mother.

More silence. Maybe he could just hang up and jump out his window and save himself any more embarrassment. At this point, he was pretty sure he'd filled his life's meter.

"Well, it was just Rise being Rise, I guess. She tends to cling—"

Unbridled anger flared inside Yosuke.

"—but other than that we just went to a coffee shop somewhere and talked about her tour. I took her to some random stores because she wanted to shop, and then I walked her back to her driver. A few hours was taken completely out of context." Souji sounded agitated as he continued, "It wasn't like this when we all hung out in Inaba."

"Right..." Yosuke wasn't sure what he'd been looking for, but now he had fury burning for a reason he didn't understand.

"I didn't mean to make you think I'd hidden something from you. I have no romantic interest for her."

Now his best friend was worried about betrayal... What a successful line of questioning he'd barely started.

"No, no I'm sorry for being an ass. I should have known better than to assume based on some crappy gossip. It was my bad." Yosuke closed his eyes and willed himself to complete the thought, "But... you will tell me when you find someone"—A swallow—"right?"

"Of course. You really didn't upset me though." Souji reassured, sounding odd.

Yosuke figured that was an appropriate response based on how he'd been acting with Souji. It wasn't like him to inquire so much—well  not about this kind of stuff anyway. Honestly, 'wasn't like him' didn't even fit the bill. The only times he'd asked had been out of genuine, playful curiosity. This time, he sounded offended and even a little jealous.

"Ah, well that's good at least. I know I suck with that kinda stuff. Glad it's cleared up. Anyway, let's talk about something you want." Yosuke stared at his computer screen, trying to just forget about the last few minutes.

"Well..."

"What dude?"

"Yosuke, do you—"

Yosuke heard a muffled yell on Souji's end.

"What? I didn't hear you."

"My mother is calling."

No, Yosuke wanted to hear what the question was going to be.

"It's fine, go ahead." Please.

"I will ask later, I better go see if she's trapped herself underneath the couch or something. It was good to talk to you though. Text you later?" Dammit.

"Yeah, yeah... That's cool. See ya, partner." Yosuke didn't even try to hide the disappointment.

"Bye for now," Souji replied, sounding equally dissatisfied.

Click.

There were so many emotions that Yosuke was trying to process that he felt as though his head were going to implode. Why did he feel so possessive? Souji was allowed to see the others—with or without him. Why did he feel so angry at Rise? She did nothing wrong, and in fact helped his best friend feel better.

So, why did he just want to go and erase her existence?

It sounded so brutal, but he felt that critical of her right now. It bothered him to the point where he felt sick to his stomach, but the danger of denying it was too well known to his group. She was his friend too, and Souji was allowed more than one friend.

"Fuck..." He leaned on his elbows and rubbed his temples.

He decided that he should just focus on this letter and forget all the crap he was bottling up. The screen was killing his swollen eyes, but at least he could focus on the throbbing pain in his head instead. He slipped his headphones on and tried to distance himself. He'd write this letter and go to bed. To hell with the homework.

In the back of his mind, despite his belief of the contrary, his suppression of the truth was slipping.


	3. Chapter 3

_"Do what you will, but your world's erosion cannot be stopped."_

_Choking fog, darkness, ripping flesh..._

_"You played your part well..."_

_Suffocation, blindness, utterly useless..._

_"This is your cruel reality."_

_Friends being pulled into the void..._

_A thousand hands clawing..._

_"This is the voice of all of humanity."_

_===_

First, Souji felt his head catch the nightstand on the way down before his back hit the hardwood; then, he felt the cold sweat and shakes that came with a night terror; next was the inability to distinguish the dream from the reality of him being safe in his bedroom; and lastly, the pain of the fall.

"Dammit," he muttered, reaching up and grabbing frantically for his phone.

He could barely keep a grip on the device once he managed to find it, and tried to focus his eyes on the time displayed. 2:55 AM. The light intensified the dull headache he was beginning to develop, courtesy of the table. He gripped the side of said table and tried to pull himself up, weakened by his current mental state. The dreams were generally vague and mostly images, but this one was more vivid than anything he'd experienced thus far. Ameno-Sagiri and Izanami were gone—he knew this—but unfortunately the memories were not.

He used the wall to keep his balance and walked towards the kitchen, his mind focusing on basic needs. The abstract could wait. After what seemed like the longest walk down a hallway of his life—and he'd navigated many in the TV—he arrived at the counter and opened cabinet after cabinet trying to remember where the glasses were located.  After finding one, his hands continued to shake as he turned on the faucet and filled the cup, water missing at times and going down the sides. His right hand, now wet from his lack of steadiness, lifted to his lips and he practically downed the glass in one gulp. He set the cup back on the counter, ignoring his normal habit of immediately cleaning a dish, he stumbled to the dining table and took a seat. Still holding the phone in his dry hand, he rested his forehead on his right hand to keep his head elevated, unable to differentiate water from sweat.

He had never told the others about his nightmares, nor had they mentioned any of their own. Tonight he needed someone, he couldn't calm himself and he was worried that he was suffering from a chronic side effect of being in the TV for too long. He'd seen things and people that weren't there, heard noises that were so alien and out of place, and would sometimes feel something touch him that wasn't there. Rarely he'd wake up and the apartment would be completely unrecognizable; the shadows on the walls would be stretching out over him, and he'd be unable to catch his breath. Although it lasted a brief time, it would stick with him for days and his paranoia wouldn't diminish. Some fearless leader he was; but how could anyone see and accomplish what they had and walk away without a couple scars?

He opened his phone and selected the inbox, and after finding Yosuke's name, he hit reply to a random message.

_u up_

There was no proper sentence structure, and really he still wasn't even certain that he was no longer dreaming. It'd been two days since they'd last talked, and Souji needed to hear Yosuke telling him that this wasn't some hallucination and he was okay—that everything would be okay.

The phone rang a minute later.

"Souji, what's wrong?" Yosuke sounded panicked.

Souji was silent, not realizing at first that he would have to talk to help Yosuke understand the situation.

"Souji, what's going on? Answer me." He was trying to sound demanding while being quiet.

"Yosuke," Souji managed a word, trying to assimilate his thoughts into coherency.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Sorry... just..." He needed to pull himself together for just a moment. "It's going to sound ridiculous when I explain it... but I really need you right now."

Yosuke was quiet for a moment before answering, "Dude, of course you can talk to me, but you sound like shit. What the hell happened?"

Step one, ask about dreams.

"Do you ever have... nightmares? Not the typical kind, but now that we've stopped going into the TV... Do you ever remember things? As vividly as though it were happening again at that exact moment?" The shaking was starting to calm down.

Yosuke had clearly been woken up by the phone so Souji gave him a moment to try and think about his question.

"I dunno, I guess? Nothing that feels too real and nothing that messes me up like you are right now. Mostly just clips of the different battles, or when we defeated people's Shadows. What was the dream about?"

"Ameno-Sagiri and Izanami. It was about the end of their battles and what happened to us," Souji answered, his voice starting to tremble.

"Hey, partner, it's alright, it's over, we defeated them," Yosuke's tone was soft and comforting as he replied, "There's nothing to be scared of anymore. We all made sure of that."

Souji closed his eyes tightly, feeling them start to burn. Why was he acting like a coward? He valued logic and tried to live by it, but why couldn't he use it here? Why was it so difficult to be strong with Yosuke?

"Yeah... Yeah, you're right. Like I said, it's ridiculous." He knew there was no hiding his feelings from Yosuke; he was going to be called out on it.

"Souji, what's really going on with you, no bull shit," Yosuke insisted, more sternly now.

There was another long pause before Souji finally responded, "I feel like my mind is... deteriorating. I'm beginning to hallucinate and it's terrifying me. Who do you talk to about what we've done? There's no degree out there that would make someone qualified to talk to any of us. We'll be dismissed as kids who are trying to draw attention to ourselves, or be labeled as clinically insane. Honestly, I am beginning to think I can safely be classified as the latter." He finally opened his eyes and stared vacantly at the table, feeling like he needed to gasp for air.

Yosuke waited for Souji's breathing to even out before speaking, "I had no idea you were going through this... Don't keep this stuff from me. You can't suffer through this alone, Souji. I don't know how to help, but I want to try. I mean, you're right, there isn't anyone out there who would even believe us outside the dozen or so people that know the truth. We have to rely on each other though, and I don't mind sharing this burden with you, dude. I know me saying this can't exactly take away the stuff you're dealing with, but anytime you start to feel like it's starting up, call me. I don't care what time it is, where I am, or where you're at. A few minutes on the phone could really help you, or at least you won't be alone." Yosuke's voice changed from a reassuring one to a more frustrated one, "Dammit, this is why it's hard to be separated. We had no time to see how this crap was going to impact us."

"I can't do this myself Yosuke; I've tried and clearly failed... I need you." Souji abstained from thinking about what was socially acceptable to say to his best friend, he didn't have the energy to filter his words tonight.

There was a noise of Yosuke fumbling with something in the background and now Yosuke was stammering somewhat, "H-hey it's cool, we can get through this stuff together!"

"I'm serious, Yosuke. I can't." Souji felt annoyed, but he knew he couldn't be upset with Yosuke for not being able to give him what he needed.

Yosuke calmed down and spoke humorlessly, "I know, I am too."

If Souji had been feeling normal, he'd have blushed at that comment and the way Yosuke's voice had deepened when he'd responded, but tonight it was enough to help him imagine their relationship wasn't just that of friendship. The lie helped him compose himself.

"Thanks, I know I can depend on you." Souji felt a small smile form.

"Of course, we're partners. Distance doesn't change anything." Yosuke had turned back into his usual self.

"No matter what, right? Nothing can change that?" Souji frowned now, knowing he couldn't keep silent about his feelings forever.

"No way. We've been through hell and back together! You've seen me at my worst, in a way that there was no way I could lie or hide. It's only right I help you deal with all your problems. I don't think you can scare me off." He meant the end as a joke to cheer Souji up, but Souji understood that Yosuke had no idea what the context was of Souji's original question.

"Thank you," Souji's voice hitched as he replied.

"Yeah, it's fine. Don't act so formal about it, we're best friends." Yosuke maintained his casual demeanor even though Souji knew he had to be terrified.

"I think we need to try and get a few hours of sleep before school. I'll text you in the morning." Souji straightened himself up and stretched, not wanting to keep Yosuke any longer out of guilt.

"I guess you're right. Well, try to get some rest, dude." Yosuke paused, "Safe dreams."

Souji couldn't hold back the smile. "You too."

They ended the call and Souji felt like he was mostly sane again. The dim apartment looked more familiar than before, and there was an urge to wash the glass he'd dirtied. That was justification enough for him.

After he'd cleaned up his mess, he got back into bed and looked up at the ceiling. A few minutes later, he turned to glance at his desk, his dresser, his book shelf—everything that furnished his room. It was all foreign to him and it made him uneasy; not because of the lack of a TV, or how empty the room itself really was, but because this wasn't Inaba. This wasn't home. There was no Nanako to bid him good night, no take-out food to eat when Dojima actually came home, no more study sessions or secret meetings, no awkward or hilarious situations, no more parties or get-togethers, no friends...

The tears finally formed, but Souji surrendered this and closed his eyes.

  _And no you._

 ===

School was still a complete hell, but that was no surprise seeing as how the "Rise Incident" had happened only three days prior. However, Souji had hoped that the school would move on to something more interesting. His teachers stared him down daily and constantly called on him to answer a question in class, the principal had a meeting with him at the end of every day, he was assigned extra duties to keep him busy after school and his schoolmates bothered him relentlessly. He could no longer be invisible, and he was no longer the mysterious figure many of them were curious about.

He was a troublemaker for the school.

His mother had been contacted, which had enraged her and almost ended in him getting kicked out based on her words towards the principal. Apparently the school didn't want to have several of their students and faculty get interviewed by various gossip news networks, and that was exactly what had happened. Souji knew that it didn't reflect well on the school's reputation, but he didn't feel like he should be reprimanded for simply seeing his friend. It wasn't his fault that the media tried to exploit the school.

When the last bell finally sounded, he decided that he would try to avoid the teacher and principal today. The teen took advantage of his teacher having a meeting with another student and exited the opposite door that he normally did. He quickly went down the stairs and slipped out a side door versus the main entrance. Hopefully today he would be free of their meddling.

Thankfully, he made it home without incident and his mother had texted him earlier saying she wouldn't be home that night either. Two days he'd been free of her constant complaining and questioning. He opened the mailbox before entering the apartment and stared at an envelope with his name and turned it over to see no return address. It certainly wasn't from Naoto or Kanji. Nanako? No, Dojima would have made her put their address. His mind flashed back to the threatening letters he'd received while in Inaba.

...

Adachi?

No, that wasn't likely. He tucked it in his bag and unlocked the door, trying to figure out who might have sent it.

After changing into casual clothes and preparing himself some tea, he took the letter to his room. It felt like there was a small object in the envelope which made him wary, but he opened it as he did all other letters. Once he saw the handwriting his jaw dropped slightly; he knew only one person the barely legible scrawl could belong to.

_Hey partner!_

_Feels weird writing a letter. I normally just text or whatever. I haven't done this since I was a kid. Anyway, Naoto and Kanji said something about you liking the things so I figured I'd give it a shot. What do you even write in these things? I remember when we were kids we'd write our parents a letter, but it was crap like what you did at school that day or what you wanted to be when you grew up. By the way, I did nothing at school today besides try to stay awake and I still want to be the King of Junes when I grow up. I'm tired of this Prince of Junes title, dammit. I deserve respect! That's a joke obviously. You know I'm hilarious. In all seriousness, I never want to see another Junes after I graduate. Do you ever get tired of my bitching? I wouldn't like me if I knew me, I'd get annoyed. I hope this letter is gonna make sense, cause I didn't sleep at all and so now I'm just running off hopes and dreams._

_Since I have no idea what to write about I am gonna talk about all the random things I have been thinking about recently or stuff that's happened until I think of something interesting (Which probably won't happen)._

_I've been thinking about cutting my hair, dunno if I am gonna go through with it though. I don't know about dyeing my hair anymore either, one day I'll show you an old picture so you can see my natural color. It's crazy that your hair is just that color naturally. Your family has got some weird genes. Kanji is gonna stop dyeing his hair, which is gonna look weird if you ask me, and Chie is growing her hair out. When you come by during Golden Week you probably won't even notice. Kanji is wearing glasses now and trying to dress like a less intimidating person, I guess? Naoto even wore a skirt the other day which was insane (pretty sure Chie and Yukiko had something to do with it), but everyone kept covering my mouth every time I would try to talk. Seriously, I do not have a one track mind. I wish you were there to defend me since you're the only one that does. Random, but Chie and Kou are dating, I think anyway, cause they haven't made it official or anything, but everyone knows it. I don't think Kanji will ever work up the nerve to ask Naoto._

_Enough of the gossip, let's talk about 'the bear'. He comes by pretty often now, and is still the same mess he always was. He'll help out at Junes a few times a week, and will generally follow me home after that. When he actually stays over at my place, he constantly whines about missing you and uses your name when we play a game. Sorry if he's ruined your username. He says the TV world is clear and still beautiful, but it sucks that we can't visit it. Maybe if you were here we could, but the risk is too high without you. I miss using our Personas and battling, but obviously not the murders and stuff. Apparently I'm just drawn to a life of danger!_

_Speaking of battles, if you check the envelope, I sent you a flash drive. I remembered you'd always want to know what I was listening to when we went in the TV. Well now you can! I am not sure what you are expecting, but don't judge me when you actually hear it. I changed the lists all the time, so I just saved them the same way I did back in the day._

_Well, I think I've run out of things to say, or at least I can't keep my eyes open, so I am gonna end it here. I'm looking forward to Golden Week and you should stay with me a few days while you're here! See ya partner!_

_-Yosuke_

_PS: I made eggs the other day the way you showed me and they actually tasted decent! I only regret that I didn't take a picture to prove it!_

And that was it. That simple, little letter was probably most amazing thing Souji could have received. He sat down and read it over and over, studying Yosuke's words and how he'd actually written them. The ink was lighter where Yosuke had suggested Souji stay with him, but that was probably due to him thinking Souji would feel obligated. He'd stay with Yosuke all of Golden Week if he could. At least he wouldn't have to share at night, and he could probably convince Teddie to give them some space. Maybe he'd work up the courage to tell Yosuke the truth. Thinking about Yosuke romantically didn't embarrass Souji, but he couldn't imagine his best friend being very open to any displays of affection on the nearly impossible chance he did accept Souji. It was a nice thought— definitely farfetched, but nice.

What intrigued Souji the most was still in the envelope. He pulled the flash drive out and booted up his computer, turning the drive over in his hand. It was orange—of course—and had Yosuke's faded name written on it. Was he supposed to send this back? He'd ask later.

"What the..." Souji looked at the list of songs after the drive had loaded.

There were folders of soundtracks from American movies and songs that were mostly all in English. Souji plugged in his headphones and set all the songs to a single playlist, curious as to what he was about to experience. The teen opened his browser and searched the different soundtracks to find most of them belonged to cop or detective films.

He took a moment to grab his phone and opened a message to Yosuke, a mischievous smile creeping across his face.

_Well, that explains why I'm your 'partner'. Did you imagine us sitting in a police vehicle, too?_

He tried to imagine Yosuke's face when he read that message and laughed quietly. It was incredible though to listen to the lists he'd made for each area they'd fought in. Souji could actually tell which playlist fit which location without looking at the folder title, and Yosuke really seemed to have a knack for this. He opened the drawer to his right and lifted a dusty MP3 player out. He'd received it for some holiday two years ago and had never used it, but he didn't really have any time to find music before. When he was in Inaba, Yosuke was constantly having him listen to different types of music, and although Souji didn't really like the more fast paced music, he did find genres he preferred. As usual, his parents had gotten him the best model available, but he was sure even this was dated by now; however, the storage seemed to be more than enough for the literal hundreds of songs Yosuke had sent him, though. He heard Yosuke's notification tone.

_omg you opened it and read it. geez. were you at least surprised?_

Souji laughed again and replied.

_I certainly was, and thank you. I didn't tell you because I didn't think it would be something you would be interested in. I'll have to write you back._

_don't be all serious with your letters alright? i'm already intimidated enough when i text you._

_There's no need to feel that way. I love texting you. :)_

_ughhhh don't talk like that. i dunno what to say haha._

Souji was happy they'd started texting every day, and his other friends had actually gotten into the habit as well now that school had reached a manageable pace. He continued to text Yosuke and listen to music for a while, but after a period of random conversation Yosuke changed the subject.

_so anything happen today? i mean do you feel ok?_

_I do, and today was fine besides school, obviously. The dream seemed to be a pretty isolated incident, but I hope that it wasn't a precursor for something worse._

_i dunno, but hopefully we can keep this in check for you. i'll let you know if the others complain about something, but i won't mention anything about you._

_Thank you again, I hope it will subside eventually. Maybe this is just due to the fact that it's still fresh in my mind. I don't mean it's something like PTSD, but it impacted me significantly. I like to think I'm a pretty resilient person, so I'm favoring the idea that it had more to do with the fog and the different situations we encountered._

_yeah, but you had some crazy stuff happen to you that we didn't._

Souji remembered the fight with Ameno-Sagiri and Izanami and what Yosuke had done for him.

_I'd most certainly be dead without you, Yosuke._

_huh?_

_You were the one who rescued me when Ameno-Sagiri was absorbing me (or whatever that was), and you sacrificed yourself for me on more than one occasion. When Izanami tried to kill me, you saved me and gave me strength to realize my full potential. I think about the hypothetical often... What would have happened if I had never met you? What if you hadn't crashed that day? What if I had walked right past you? What if you didn't sit behind me in class or if I was in a completely different class? What if I never came to Inaba?_

_dude this is getting heavy. i had to protect you, you're our leader and more importantly my best friend. i couldn't let you down. we would all be dead if you weren't around, and don't think about all that other stuff. what matters is you came to inaba and we all met and we're all friends now. we solved an impossible murder case! how many people get to say that?_

_You're right, it doesn't matter what could have been. One day I want to tell you about my life before Inaba; I've never really talked about my past._

_i know and it's about time. i was always the one talking._

_My story isn't very interesting._

_don't care, wanna know._

_Alright, during Golden Week we can talk, if I am permitted to go._

_no no no we are not talking like that again._

_Fair enough. I'm going to make dinner and finish up some homework. You should do the same._

_alright, alright. text you later!_

_Sounds good, partner._

_ass. :p_

 ===

While Souji made dinner he thought back on what Yosuke had mentioned in his letter and what he already knew. Kanji trying to change, Chie actually dating someone, Rise was on her tour, Yukiko had accepted taking care of the inn, Naoto was becoming comfortable with herself and career and Teddie had an entire world to care for. It was nice to hear about his friends moving on with their lives. What was he doing though? Stagnating in this miserable city. He had so many opportunities here, but he wasn't interested in them. He wanted Inaba and the familiarity of it. At his age he knew that this wasn't reasonable and he should be much more focused on college and starting his life as an adult, but before Inaba, he had nothing to compare.

When he thought about before, he had standard acquaintances, but no real friends, and it wasn't like he had time to form any bonds considering how much they moved. When he'd gone to Inaba, he hadn't felt bothered or annoyed; it was just another move. He hadn't felt anything before his year there. School work, house work, and cooking comprised most of his time—a daily routine with little variation. Also, he had no hobbies  to speak of and limited social skills, but after he'd met the others and different people in town, he'd finally started to shape his identity. Unfortunately for him, it happened when he was at a crucial point in his life. He felt a strong connection with his core group above all the others he'd met, but Yosuke had been the one to open him up. He truly was Souji's other half, and whatever Souji lacked, he made up for it. Yosuke spoke his mind—generally before thinking, but he let others know exactly where they stood. When Souji was reluctant about a choice or wanted to avoid confrontation, Yosuke would practically force him to act.

Souji sat at the table with his meal and made his decision. During Golden Week he would have to tell Yosuke about how he felt; he couldn't keep this from Yosuke, unrequited or not. He'd talk to his mother once she arrived home tomorrow and force her hand, somehow. He needed to clear his head and stop this turmoil he felt, and the only way he knew was to tell Yosuke. Yosuke would reject him and then Souji could focus on college and the rest of his life. He was certain they would maintain their friendship, but hopefully his confession wouldn't strain their relationship. With a bit of luck, Souji's courage and determination would remain during the coming weeks, but he didn't think rehearsing and imagining different situations would help him in this time. Perhaps he'd contact Naoto soon and ask her for an opinion on the matter. However, for now, he had homework and life wasn't going to suspend itself for him.

 ===

The night before and the school day had passed relatively peacefully, and Souji escaped in the same fashion he'd done the previous day. His mother would be home that night and they were going to have the final conversation. His studies were more than fine, and there was no plan they'd mentioned to Souji, so she would be out of excuses.

Surprisingly, when Souji got home she was there, looking exhausted and moody. He didn't like the idea of bringing up the subject when she clearly needed rest, but time was running out and he couldn't put this off any longer.

"Welcome home. Our boss went home early, so I ran away as soon as I could," she greeted him and laughed tiredly.

"I would do the same." Souji was still gathering his wits, because as calm as he appeared during an altercation, he still had to mentally prepare. His response was to shut down and feel nothing, but then he came off as cold and distant; he wanted to appear empathetic, but he just hadn't mastered that quite yet.

"You look like you've had quite the day. What's on your mind?" She patted the seat next to her in typical fashion.

There was only one problem with his new method; by allowing emotions to affect him, he also experienced more of the side effects from the TV. It hadn't happened over night, but as the weeks passed it grew to be more and more noticeable. His stomach turned as he saw the TV across from them flicker on and off, but he knew that it hadn't really happened. He saw a yellow tint to the room, but he knew nothing was there. He had to get himself under control.

"I wanted to discuss Golden Week," he started, and she shifted uncomfortably. "My studies are fine, and my friends are really excited at the prospect of seeing me again. Nanako is definitely expecting me."

His mother's expression changed to an unreadable one. "Souji, I am still not sure about it."

"I need to prepare and I'm out of time." He needed to be assertive, but remain polite.

"I am aware. However, right now it's looking like you're staying here. Why do you need to go back so soon?" She now sounded aggravated.

He knew he couldn't let his frustration show. This was going to be a war he'd need to win with strategy. "They are my friends and family, and I don't live with them the way I do with you and Father. I will rarely see them besides during breaks, and this is our last year before college. I want to experience as much as I can before I have to focus completely on my studies and other responsibilities."

"What if your father and I—who are your most immediate family—wanted to go somewhere with you since it's your last year?" she almost snapped at him.

"We have never taken a vacation together," Souji countered. He wasn't going to let her use guilt.

"Maybe this is the last year we will get to break the tradition." It became more and more clear she was bothered by Inaba.

"But you have nothing planned, and I see no reason why I can't go for Golden Week." Souji needed her to explain her with facts, and so far she'd given him practically nothing.

"Souji, I don't need a reason."

There it was.

His face changed from expressionless to offended. "Mother, why are you acting this way? I know care about me, but you have never taken this much of an interest in me before, so why now?" He'd known she was different when he'd returned from Inaba, and this was affirmation.

"You are my child and I will treat you as such. You are being inconsiderate towards my wishes and your father's wishes," she replied in a tone of someone who was out of excuses and was relying on authority.

"Why are you dodging my questions?" Souji wasn't going to let this go; he'd let her rule too many things about his life.

During the conversation, the room was beginning to look foggier and the lights were beginning to dim. To his horror a new symptom presented itself, and he felt his fingers tingle and a cold chill go through him.

"What is so special about Inaba? Do you favor the people there more than your own parents? Is Dojima your new father? You were there a year Souji, and what did they provide more for you than your parents? Friendships come and go, but your father and I will always be here."

Souji felt an anger in him that he'd never felt before. It wasn't a rage you'd feel towards anyone but a parent; it was a sense of rejection and misunderstanding that you only get from a guardian figure. He'd never disrespected his mother, but at this moment she was a woman who was a stranger in an apartment that he'd spent more time in than she had.

The battle of remaining calm was instantly lost, and all the pent up fury burst from within him. The anger released also caused the apartment's fog to grow a little thicker, and his hands and feet went numb.

"What do you know about Inaba? You never once asked me a single question about what I experienced there, and took almost zero interest in actually reaching out to me. You and father have provided all my needs, but a child needs a parent. I want you to be a part of my life, but understand that I am no longer a small child. My needs and wants have changed.

"As for my friends, those bonds will _never_ break, and we went through more together than most people do in a lifetime. It hurts that you trust me so little to think I'd pick friends who were so shallow, or that I'd be such a poor judge of character. Those people helped shape me into a more caring and well-rounded individual.

"I respect you and love you both a great deal, but if you want to do something for me, please let me see my friends. Just because I want to split my time between here and Inaba does not mean that I want to dismiss the two of you. I want to share time with all of those I love." Souji felt the fury subsiding as he talked, and looked at his mother who was crying silently. The apartment was slowly starting to transform to its original state. "I'm sorry that I'm just now conveying how I feel... I know that you've been trying to approach me and learn about me, but I also don't know how to approach you. Even if this is my last year before college, I do want to form a better relationship with you. Please try to understand I don't mean to be disrespectful, this is just who I am as your son."

She didn't respond for quite some time and merely cried, but Souji knew that the tears were genuine and not a tactic being used against him. Strangely, seeing her tears was clearing the hallucinations.

She was still softly crying when she finally responded, "I'm sorry Souji. That was very childish of me and unfair to you. I just felt so guilty when I had to send you away, and when you came back... you looked so sad to be returning home to us. I understand this isn't home for you, but it still hurts to face that." She smiled sadly before continuing, "I want you to be happy because I know we didn't provide that for you during your life. We could buy you everything you wanted, but you can't buy real emotional ties to people."

"I don't resent you, and I am sorry if I came off as harsh. This is very important to me, and I want to help you understand me. I'm still your child, and I never forgot that." Souji rested a hand on his mother's shoulder, and was pleased the feeling had returned to it.

"No, you were right. My biggest regret is not having been more of a motherly figure for you. When you came back, I wanted to try and be more of a mom to you, but it was too late and you're all grown up now. You take care of me." She looked up at him with a trembling smile. "You can go to Inaba for Golden Week, and any other break you'd like. I'm sorry."

"Thank you, but I feel you were and are an excellent mother." He returned her weak smile and stood up. "I'm going to make dinner. Want me to choose?"

She laughed loudly and nodded, seeming pleased that Souji finished the conversation the way he did. "That sounds great."

Souji also nodded and started to make his way through the kitchen, his body feeling completely normal again.

"And Souji?"

"Hmm?" he responded without looking.

"I hope that you will be able to tell him how you feel. Yosuke seems sweet."

There was a rather severe noise as all the dishes and utensils Souji had been balancing fell to the floor.

He turned sharply and stared at her in disbelief. "Wh-what!?" It was the loudest Souji had been in a long time.

She laughed and leaned over to look at him. "We may not be as close as I would like, but I am still your mother. I do know _some_ things."

Souji couldn't believe how nonchalant she was being about this; all his life she'd pestered him about a girlfriend and a grandchild, but now she was acknowledging his interest in a boy? He was left completely speechless.

"Please, the way you'd smile every time you talked to him or got a text? You are completely smitten. However, when you do come back I expect to meet him." Her voice changed to that of a joking yet motherly tone, "And don't do anything too reckless; you're still young. I need to see a picture—oh, is he cute!? I'll bet he is—only the best for my son." She was back to her usual self.

"Uh, um..." What could Souji say to this?

"Don't worry about your father, he'll need some time to adjust to the idea, but he's more understanding than you would believe. Seriously, you must have a picture of this boy. Show me!" She got up and started approaching him, grinning as she did so.

"Hang on!" He stepped back. "How—"

"Enough, I'm fine with it! Stop over thinking and just show me a picture!" She crossed her arms and continued to smile.

Souji's face was on fire, but he knew that his mother wouldn't have said something like that if she didn't mean it. He resigned to this fact and grabbed for his phone, searching through his gallery to find a photo of Yosuke. He picked a favorite and turned his phone, unable to look at her.

"Oh my gosh, he's a little cutie! Souji, good pick. Interesting hair though, and he seems a little  scrawny, but that's not a bad thing. Slim is good." She laughed and nodded approvingly.

"He doesn't know and I am certain he doesn't feel the same way." Although Souji wanted his mother's supportive words, he knew they were going to hurt because they'd be a reminder that Yosuke would never 'be his'.

Her expression was a solemn one. "Souji... Are you going to tell him during break?"

"Yes. For better or worse."

"Well, you two seem very close, and he seems to talk to you quite frequently... More than the average best friend. Just saying, there might be more of a chance than you think."

"Perhaps." But his faith in that was limited.

His phone interrupted their conversation.

Souji hesitantly answered it, recognizing the ring. "Hello?"

"Dude, I got perfect score on something! Can you actually believe that? My parents are gonna probably faint from disbelief!"

The sound of his partner's cheerful voice caused his heart to swell. "Yosuke that's great. I told you that studying a little every day would help. Are you going to start listening to me about other things now?" Souji was still facing his mother, eyeing her carefully.

His mother looked at his son with a proud smile, relying on her life experience to tell her that things would turn out far better than he anticipated. She was sad watching her son growing up, but seeing the man he was becoming made her feel reassured. The job she'd done might not have been the best, but he'd certainly turned out to be the model child. He'd leave one day and go on to be a successful person—possibly with Yosuke, possibly not, but she now felt confident he wouldn't forget about her.

"Are you going to tell him?" she interrupted.

Souji had a horrified look and shook his head at her.

"I mean about Golden Week, silly." She laughed in response.

Souji nodded, still suspicious. "Oh, and my mother said I can visit during break." He tried to appear calm as he continued, "Am I still staying with you?"

She raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Hell yeah! That sounds awesome!" She could hear Yosuke from three feet away.

She decided that it was time to be meddlesome as any mother should be—she'd not had nearly enough chances. She grabbed the phone from Souji and walked towards the living room again, but she could feel him trying to carefully take the phone back.

"Yosuke? This is Souji's mother!"

Souji had never felt this kind of terror in his entire life. "Mother. Please." She could not ruin this.

"Oh! Ms. Seta, h-hello." Yosuke was clearly taken aback.

"So, Souji is going to stay with you? You should come up here before the end of Golden Week! I'd love to meet you! You could stay here obviously; I wouldn't ship you back the same day." She giggled and looked at her son with a playful expression.

"W-well if my father allows it, that would be great! Th-thank you!"

"That settles it! I look forward to meeting you." With that she handed the phone back to Souji and settled down on the sectional.

"S-sorry," Souji fumbled with an apology and continued to partially glare at his mother.

"It's fine, just freaked me out a little. Never met or talked to your parents before. That'd be awesome if my dad agreed, and he just might if I keep making these grades." Yosuke sounded jokingly arrogant and laughed at the end.

"I guess I'll get to see you very soon then." Souji was trying not to explode with excitement.

"Finally, right? Parents are home, let's see how they handle to news!"

They said their farewells and Souji returned to glaring at his mother.

"That was diabolical." He said half-jokingly.

"And he sounds adorable." His mom had turned on the TV, "Just promise me you'll do one thing." She looked at him again, her face deadly serious.

"What?" He felt slightly worried.

She formed a twisted, evil smile.

"Use protection."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do love his mother, but it's very much a joke. :)


	4. Chapter 4

A perfect score. Wow, it'd been a lot of years since he'd last seen that. Yosuke couldn't believe how good his luck had been today; he'd actually managed to ace a test in one of his worse subjects, and now he was invited to Souji's at the end of Golden Week by Souji's _mother_. He headed for the stairs with his test paper in hand, and hoped that it would act as some excellent leverage for all the requests he was about to make. Yosuke started down the steps but stopped midway, hearing his father talking in a rather loud and aggravated voice.

"—in the storage room. It was unbelievable."

"Did you contact their parents?"

"Of course, but luckily it wasn't even necessary for me to terminate them. After the situation was explained to their parents, they immediately resigned. Teenagers these days... I don't understand why they can't control themselves."

Yosuke focused on putting the sentences together and rolled his eyes. It wasn't the first time his father had found two kids in various areas around Junes doing what, he supposed, came naturally.

"I couldn't imagine being the mother of either child."

They were acting a bit dramatic, even for them, because what did it matter? They were being dumb teenagers, and it seemed pretty open and shut to Yosuke. Then the voices became more hushed, but Yosuke could clearly hear the keywords:

_Those boys._

_Unnatural._

_Disgusting._

His stomach flipped and he gripped the banister tightly.

"I am not looking forward to the paperwork tomorrow."

"Let me heat up dinner. I swear I heard Yosuke a moment ago. Yosuke!"

He couldn't stay here, in the middle of the stairs, but now his emotions were all over the place. His father had said those words, he couldn't argue that, but why was this upsetting him so much? Was it because he didn't think those two guys—whoever they were—deserved it? That wasn't the only reason, and suddenly his nerve to ask about Souji faltered. Why though? What was so weird about asking for his best friend to stay during break? To see if he could go to the city for a day? Just because his dad was upset about finding those two... guys, it didn't mean he'd think about Souji and him that way. It had to be that he didn't want to bother his father when he was in such a foul mood. His Persona must have been feeling agitated due to Yosuke's self doubt because Yosuke felt a faint mental tug he hadn't experienced in months. Takehaya Susano-o? Yosuke hand rested carefully against his chest as a calming wave washed over him. Relief that he wasn't alone during this moment. A stupid grin appeared on his face and he felt like laughing and crying at the same time. His Persona... He could feel him somewhere, and it wasn't something he thought he would experience ever again. For a moment he forgot about the conversation he'd just heard and paused to listen to Takehaya Susano-o's indiscernible chatter.

"Yosuke!"

Shit, he had to go down there. He'd have to investigate this later. He backed up quietly then started at the top of the stairs, going down them in his usual loud way.

"Sorry"—he pointed to his headphones—"you know."

His mother shook her head before answering, "You're going to lose your hearing. You really shouldn't have those things glued to you."

Yosuke rubbed the back of his head and laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, yeah, I know." Nearly every day she said that, but they both knew nothing was going to change.

"What's that?" His father gestured towards the paper in Yosuke's other hand.

"This... Oh! Yeah, um, test result day"—he could see the unimpressed looks already forming—"and I kinda did awesome." He extended the test towards his father with less certainty than he thought he would have.

His mother walked behind her husband and they both studied the paper; her eyes grew huge as they scanned over it, but his father's face remained blank. Yosuke swallowed and waited for the accusations of cheating or worse, but he saw the side of his father's face twitch and then something Yosuke hadn't seen in a long, _long_ time. He looked... proud.

"Well... this is..." For once his father was without words.

"Yosuke, this is wonderful... Isn't math your worst subject?" His mother raised an eyebrow.

"I, uh, guess? Anyway, so... Yeah." Normally he was defending himself, not accepting what appeared to be oddly worded praise.

"I'm impressed, son." Another thing Yosuke hadn't heard from his father in forever.

"...Thanks." Yosuke's face grew warm and he couldn't look at him anymore.

"If I had known this had happened I would have gotten something more fancy than take-out," his mother playfully joked and walked back to the oven.

"I'm glad to see you're getting more serious about your studies—it's your last year after all. Have you thought about what you're going to be doing?" His father nodded towards the seat opposite of him and Yosuke sat down.

"I'm not sure yet, I've been too busy trying to keep up now." Yosuke adjusted his headphones nervously. Why was everyone asking him that? Well, anyone who mattered.

"We'll help you if you have questions, but for now I think you're working too many hours for your last year. There's going to be a lot to do, and I can't have your grades slip because of Junes. Things seemed to have become significantly more stable now that community has opened up to the idea."

Souji's prediction had been correct, as usual.

"I still need money, and I'll let you know if it gets too bad."

"Fair enough, but don't you have a break coming up?" His father was checking the calendar on his phone.

"Yeah, and about that, do you remember Souji Seta?" Yosuke's stomach was practically imploding.

"Seta... the one with the weird hair?" his mother called from the kitchen.

His father's face twisted angrily. "That delinquent? What about him?"

Yosuke cocked his head. "Delinquent?"

"That motorcycle gang leader, or whatever he was."

"No, no that's Kanji Tatsumi, I'm talking about Detective Dojima's nephew, Souji Seta."Yosuke could defend Kanji later.

"Oh, the boy you hung out with a while ago. He helped out sometimes, didn't he? Didn't he go back to the city though?" His father's memory seemed to be returning, but it was no surprise that they struggled to remember Yosuke's best friend. His parents were just like that.

"That's him, and I was wondering if he could stay with us during Golden Week?" His father's mood had improved Yosuke's confidence in the past few minutes.

His father contemplated for a bit before answering, "I don't see why that would be a problem. He'll have to sleep on the couch in your room. I am not letting any more visitors stay in my study," he insisted, and started to grumble at the end. It was a reference back to Ted and the one night he'd stayed in the study. Several things had been broken and Yosuke's father had a harsh response; as he'd put it, Teddie could stay in 'Yosuke's closet or the yard'.

However, Yosuke hadn't thought about that aspect of Souji's stay, but what did it really matter? It was the couch in his room, it wasn't like they were sleeping the same bed. Also, why would he have even thought that in the first place?

"I don't think he'll care. Also, one more thing, his mom invited me to visit for a day at the end of Golden Week... Do you think that's okay?" Yosuke's voice grew smaller and smaller as he tried to appear his version of normal.

His father raised an eyebrow now. "You know that you'll have to help out some during break, and if your friend will help then it shouldn't be a problem."

Geez, the grade must have really put his father in a good mood for him to have agreed to two things in a matter of minutes.

"Of course, that won't be an issue." Yosuke nodded and started to pull his phone out to text the confirmation but stopped.

"Oh, um, Dad"—he was going to regret asking, but for some stupid reason he wanted to know—"what happened at work? You seemed annoyed when I came down..."

"Annoyed is putting it lightly," he scoffed, "Two boys were caught... together... in one of the bigger storage areas. I wasn't terribly pleased when it was brought to me."

The familiar sarcasm made Yosuke feel sick. "I see, well what did they have to say?"

"Does it matter? I contacted their parents and dealt with it. Those two boys have no respect for the position they put their families in, or how the will community treat their parents if someone found out. So many kids are completely self-serving nowadays, but those two....  "He didn't finish, but his face was full of disgust.

"Right, sorry." Yosuke knew his parents didn't approve of that kind of thing, but seeing the look on his father's face bothered him in a way he didn't understand yet.

"Finally done, sorry about that boys." His mother handed Yosuke his food, but he felt too nauseous now.

"I'm gonna eat in my room if that's cool. I've got some homework," he said, knowing that would save him.

"Sure, just remember to bring the plate back down," his mother instructed as Yosuke started back for the hallway.

He had to force the food down after he'd finally relaxed somewhat. His father had really reacted strongly to what had happened earlier at work. If Yosuke had heard this last year he might have thought his father was being harsh, but that would have been the end of it.

His phone buzzed and he jumped at the vibration practically shaking his desk.

_Hey, how did it go?_

Ugh, he'd have to tell Souji the—what should have been be great—news eventually.

_awesome but dad seemed pissed so i figured i'd wait to ask about the break._

_Makes sense._

Or he would chicken out and not say a word to Souji about it; which seemed par for the course recently.

_but dude i felt takehaya susano-o earlier! it was crazy!_

However, he could tell him _this_ great news.

_Oh wow, that's great! Any reason in particular?_

Dammit, that wasn't an answer he was prepared to give yet.

_not sure.  plus i didn't get what he was saying anyway._

_Well, I'm sure he'll make himself clear if he wants you to understand something._

Yosuke could almost hear Souji's actual voice of reassurance through the text.

_right i'm still in disbelief. it's been months... do you still hear yours?_

_It's like a white noise all the time, but they are definitely there. They react differently to different situations or people I am around, but they don't try to really communicate with me anymore. I might feel what would be equivalent to an emotion from them._

_damn that's kinda heavy. it makes sense though since you have like hundreds or something  in your head. i dunno how you keep up with them all._

Yosuke had to ask though.

_but i'm curious, how do they react to me?_

Souji didn't respond for several minutes, which seemed unusual.

_That's a more complicated area._

What the hell did that mean? What could be complicated about that?

_i've got time._

_Alright, I suppose it's easiest to start this way... Do you remember why I have so many?_

Yosuke remembered the day he had finally bothered Souji enough to where he confessed why he had so many. He was fairly certain the others didn't feel comfortable questioning their leader about his unique ability, but Yosuke needed to know to help him come to terms with them being equals or not.

_yeah, something about a wild card thing and zero and infinite stuff... or something._

_Right, well I rely on different bonds to strengthen my Personas. On my own I am not capable of attaining great strength, but when my bonds with people grow I am capable of fusing more powerful Personas. I really have no idea why, but it was simply something I accepted. Izanagi isn't very strong on his own, and in the final battle with Izanami, he transformed because of all the bonds I shared with you guys. Does that make sense so far?_

Yosuke reread the text a few times, and although he felt like it was pretty simple, it was hard to imagine. Takehaya Susano-O grew more powerful as Yosuke did.

_yup. continue._

_There are several different Arcana that exist, your Arcana for example is the Magician if you recall, and based on those, I fuse different kinds of Personas. Yukiko, Kanji, Teddie, Naoto, Chie, and Rise all had their own Arcana they represented; however, our team as a whole also represented an Arcana._

Yosuke had kind of remembered about the Arcana thing, but even when they'd be face-to-face it hadn't made a whole lot of sense. In fact, he was pretty sure Souji only explained it because he'd slipped up and said something about Yosuke being 'the Magician', and Yosuke bugged the crap out of him until he came clean. This was different though. Was Souji actually dodging something? As interesting as Souji's explanation was, it hardly answered Yosuke's question.

_sooooo did that give me my answer or am i missing something?_

_Sorry, I'm not very good at explaining this. Essentially it has to do with the Arcana you represent, and that would mean that a Persona from the Magician Arcana would react more favorably towards you, I suppose._

_any in particular?_

_Mada, of course._

He remembered when Souji had used Mada in a battle once, and it was customary for everyone to ask about each new Persona. Souji had uncharacteristically turned bright red when he explained that particular Persona. Yosuke could remember his own level of discomfort, but he also felt a little proud.

_oh yea, i guess that makes sense. what does it feel like exactly?_

This was starting to sound weird, but Yosuke was too curious and had too much momentum going in this conversation. Souji delayed yet again, but Yosuke couldn't blame the guy. How could you word something like that? It wasn't like any of them had a frame of reference when they'd gained their Personas, and now he was asking Souji to formulate some matchless feeling.

_Sorry, can't think of a way to explain it._

That being said, Souji _always_ found a way to explain something. He was acting strangely today, but Yosuke didn't push it. If Souji was feeling awkward this might make his recent... _ish_ issues act up and Yosuke wasn't going to be responsible for that.

_it's all good just curious. text you later though. i am gonna go get ready to crash! it was fun to hear you explain all that stuff  even if some of it went over my head._

_I actually enjoy talking about it, it helps me to understand it better when I'm forced to think of explanations. I'll look forward to the text._

_awesome, then i'll force you again sometime!_

The moment Yosuke hit send he smacked his palm to his forehead. Did he _really_ just send that?

_whoa whoa you know what i mean!_

_Of course. Talk to you soon._

Yosuke shut his phone and tilted back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. He'd have to tell Souji soon otherwise he'd make plans to stay with Dojima. He couldn't dismiss this weird uneasiness though, but now that his Persona was making himself known it gave Yosuke some more confidence.

"Alright, better at least keep part of my word," he mumbled before leaving for the kitchen to avoid the wrath of his mother.

 ===

After Yosuke finished prepping for bed he sat back down at his desk for a few minutes. The bath had not relaxed him in the slightest. He saw the familiar light on his phone and he flipped it open.

_hey!!! lets get some food tomorrow after school!_

Chie.

_sure sure whatever. whos coming?_

He honestly didn't feel like going anywhere with anyone, but at least it could occupy his day off from work.

_the regular group minus rise and him._

Yosuke felt a pang of loneliness knowing who "him" referred to.

_right sounds good. see you in the morning._

_:p i wont even make you pay!!_

_i wouldn't have anyway idiot._

It seemed harsh but this was just their playful banter at this point. Yosuke rolled his eyes, such a loving friendship.

"Ugh, more math." Yosuke looked at the smaller stack of homework and almost ignored it. "Might as well keep this good grade thing going."

He really had to stop talking to himself.

 ===

School was the same, but at least it was easier to keep up in class. For once he was called on and he knew the answer, and now no one could say Souji had given it to him.

"Yosuke hurry up, geez!" Chie's loud voice carried down the hall as they all met at the lockers.

Yosuke trudged towards them and lazily opened his only to spot an envelope decorated with hearts and pink stickers. He slammed the locker shut and looked at the floor. There was no way. He had to have opened the wrong one. Of course, thanks to his trademark subtly, he drew the attention of the group.

"Hey, what the heck is wrong with you... Oh my gosh! Let me look in there!" Chie realized all too quickly and started to muscle her way between him and the locker.

Yosuke tried to maneuver and grab the letter, but it was too late.

"Boy with the headphones, huh? Wow, Yosuke this is an actual confession!" She spun and had her back to the group, who were all huddled around her looking at the now open note.

"Chie, give that back, dammit!" Yosuke's face was hot and he knew he was causing a scene.

"Hey Senpai way to go!" Kanji gave Yosuke a thumbs up. Yosuke felt like answering him with a punch.

" _I've watched you since last year and I have waited to finally tell you my true feelings_ , aw this is too cute!" Chie was actually reciting the whole thing in the middle of the entryway.

"Cut it out! That wasn't addressed to _you_ Chie." Yosuke tried to yank it from her hands, but she kept evading him.

"Ooo, it says she wants to meet you on the roof after school to hear your answer. You have until next Friday to respond. Dang Yosuke, I can't believe someone is actually naïve enough to have an interest in you!" Chie started to laugh and handed him the letter.

"I wonder how long it'll take before she realizes what you're really like," Kanji joked, now laughing as well.

"A five minute conversation I'd wager," Chie responded, which resulted in Yukiko joining the laughter with one of her fits.

"Shut up! Dammit, you guys have got to stop acting like this." Yosuke rubbed his temples trying to process everything.

"It's wrong to keep a lady in suspense, Senpai." Naoto nodded towards him.

Even Naoto was taking their side? Yosuke felt his blood starting to boil. He did not need this right now.

"Screw this, go eat. I'm going home." Yosuke changed shoes finally and slung his bag over his shoulder, ignoring his friends' protests as he stormed out of the school.

 ===

It'd been a few hours since Yosuke had gotten home, and although he was still upset he was more confused than angry. He'd never noticed a girl paying attention to him or watching him from afar, and he definitely didn't remember talking to a girl from his school at work. What year was she in? What did she look like? What was her name? How could he give an answer to her when he didn't have a clue who she was? Why was he even entertaining this? He wasn't going to fall in love with her with one look, and he would have to tell her thanks, but no.

"Agh, this sucks." He grabbed and reread the note for the hundredth time before crumpling it and throwing it across his room.

He rolled on his side and adjusted the covers of his futon before checking his phone. Souji had texted him a few times, but he'd ignored the ones that were sent after school.

_How was your day?_

_Did you have to work tonight?_

_There's no way you're doing homework._

Yosuke closed his eyes and smacked his phone against his forehead while cursing to himself. He left it against his head while thinking of what excuse to make, but felt it vibrate again.

_agdufw? What is that?_

The self-inflicted abuse had sent a random message.

_sorry about that. it was just a crappy day._

_Tell me about it._

He really didn't feel like telling Souji about the letter right now, but then if he didn't, Chie would.

_some girl left a confession letter in my locker today. it was weird as hell. then chie grabbed it and proceeded to read the whole damn thing to everyone._

Souji didn't respond for several minutes.

_What did it say?_

_she asked me to give her an answer by the end of next week. not counting today that's a maximum of six days to decide my feelings for a girl i've never met. high school girls make no sense i swear._

_What are you going to do?_

_obviously tell her i don't feel the same way. i don't wanna break the girl's heart and i'm flattered but no._

_Makes sense. I guess you'll do it this Monday after school then?_

_yea it's better to get this crap over with so the others will move on._

Yosuke paused and thought for a moment.

_have you ever gotten a letter?_

_Yes, a few I guess. I've simply thanked them and apologized._

_of course you have. :p_

What answer was he expecting? No? Girls were practically tripping over one another when Souji was in Inaba, and city girls were definitely more forward, or so Yosuke assumed.

_Not sure what that means, but I'm glad you're letting her know the truth soon. Have you found out about Golden Week yet? If I can't that's fine, I'll just ask my Uncle._

Yosuke couldn't avoid this any longer, and what did it seriously matter?

_yea dad said it was cool for you to stay the whole break and he said it was fine to go to your place. we just gotta help out a little bit at junes. hope youre cool with the couch in my room tho cause dad doesn't want anyone in his study again._

_Couch sounds great, and I figured about Junes.  I'll tell my mother when she comes home tomorrow. Have you told the others?_

Did he have to?

_nah i am leaving that to you dude. i won't steal your thunder._

It went on like this for a while, and it was nice to forget about the letter. Yosuke was getting better at communicating with Souji via text, and it wasn't easy before to keep a conversation going with him through messages. It ended all too soon though.

_Going to finish some homework now... I suggest you do the same. :)_

Ugh, and there was the damn smiley.

_sounds terrible, have fun. imma listen to music instead._

And that was it, and now he was alone again and left to his own thoughts. His own jumbled thoughts. Yosuke decided to slip on his headphones and drown out the indecisiveness that was starting to surface. It was just easier this way.

 ===

He'd eventually fallen asleep that night listening to music and woke up to a dead battery. However, he still had a few hours to charge it before he went off to Junes and committed another Sunday to his own personal hell. Souji had texted him around 7 AM with the lyrics of that crappy shopping channel song.

_i hate that show. that guy looks like a total creep._

Yosuke looked through the cabinets to find some easy instant meal he could throw together. It wasn't so much about health with Yosuke, just whatever would fill him up with the best taste possible, with the least amount of effort. He was not looking forward to the endless stocking he was going to have to do because he knew that would leave him room to think. He was exhausted from thinking.

After he'd finished making his food, he sat at the table and turned on the TV to have some kind of background noise. Monday was going to suck for him, and possibly the rest of the week until the following Monday. At least then Souji would be here, and maybe he could even get to Inaba on Sunday. Yosuke fiddled with his old ring absent-mindedly while he looked towards the TV, absorbing nothing. If Souji was coming to stay with him, and no one could stay in the study, at least he could keep Ted out of their hair at night.

 He switched to staring at his hand and pulled the ring off, turning it over and over in his palm. He smiled remembering the start of last year. When they'd all offered Souji their belongings—whether they'd have been worth anything or not—to sell at the start of the TV business, Souji had refused. Somehow, he'd always kept them equipped with the best gear, and when Yosuke tried to donate what money he could, Souji had always declined. The guy worked several part time jobs, was at the top of their class and defeated a goddess while Yosuke struggled with barely passing and working at Junes, but at least he could say he fought alongside Souji. Some days they would literally lean on each other to get home, and it helped Yosuke feel like Souji needed him; although Yosuke was pretty sure he was the one that depended on Souji far more.

_Buzz_.

_hey dork im sorry about yesterday. i know youll let her down easy tho._

He _really_ did not want to talk to Chie right now, and he certainly didn't want to think about this girl.

_it's whatever. i'll talk to her monday._

He finally got around to eating his food and decided to spend the next couple hours doing homework.

_If_ he could concentrate.

 ===

He could not. It would be okay though because now he was at work and could focus on more depressing things.

Like how he was going to possibly crush this girl's soul.

It seemed arrogant on his part, but he felt like she was going to be a dramatic person. Her letter certainly looked the part.

"Hanamura, break time."

Yosuke looked at the clock, and even though it had seemed like minutes, it had been three hours already. He dug his phone out of his pocket and checked his messages. Souji had sent him a message right before he'd clocked in.

_Sorry, I was cooking and didn't hear the phone earlier. I imagine you're at work now, but I hope you have fun. :) Every day is great at your Junes!_

Yosuke could hear the jingle in his head (the music still blaring over the speakers), but at least he heard Nanako singing it now instead of that infuriatingly fake woman.

_hey i'm on break. can you talk or are you busy?_

Seconds later the phone rang.

"I guess that answers that question." Yosuke chuckled as he leaned against the wall of a random back hallway.

"I shouldn't have finished all my homework yesterday." He heard Souji yawn and could imagine him stretching out.

"Don't remind me." Yosuke grimaced and shook his head.

"Ah, that answers _my_ next question then." Souji sounded amused as he continued, "On break?"

"Yeah, it's been a crazy day. Dad's been too busy to stalk me so that's a plus, I suppose." Yosuke balanced the phone between his ear and shoulder while instinctively looking around at the mention of his father.

"I was thinking about discreetly changing my ring on your phone to Nanako singing the June's song, but I didn't want you to go all axe murderer on me. Or kunai murderer... Maybe that's more accurate?" Souji seemed to be in one of his chattier moods to Yosuke's delight.

Yosuke laughed though and slid down the wall to the floor. "Very accurate. Not that I have used those things in a while. Dude, my muscles would weep if we tried to do what we used to." He felt sad saying those words; almost like it was years and not months ago.

"I think it'd come back to all of us rather quickly. Maybe we'll pop into the TV during break. Surely we can still do that."

Yosuke could see the smile on Souji's face and his own mood lifted even more. Takehaya Susano-O sounded like he was almost chirping with glee in Yosuke's mind.

"That would be awesome. We still haven't sold that TV by the way."

"And you never will."

Yosuke thought that sounded like Souji knew something he didn't, but he just laughed it off.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to be the crazy high school kids who jump into a TV again. Looking forward to it. You coming Sunday or Monday?"

"Sunday more than likely if that's fine with you. My mother has to work that day so I'll be able to escape without her intervention."

"That sounds awesome!" Yosuke checked his voice before adding, "I mean, you know, for us all to be back together again."

"I'm sure it'll be a busy week." Souji's tone had changed to a more subdued one.

Yosuke wished that he could keep talking to Souji but he had to get back to work. "I'll text you once I'm off, and thanks for occupying my break, partner."

"No problem, partner."

"Ass." Yosuke still laughed as he hung up the phone and went back to work, his mind filled with Souji and what he was going to have to plan for the following week.

7 days to go.

 ===

6 days to go.

Usually Yosuke counted down until he got off, but Sunday he worked over instead of heading home at his scheduled time. There had been no sense in going home to an empty house and disquieting thoughts. He'd mostly focused his day around organizing what they were going to do when Souji arrived and how he could get away with seeing Souji without the others. Purely because he wanted to see his best friend and get two words in before Rise or Chie began their taunting. Nothing else.

However, he could no longer avoid this love letter situation, especially now that the final bell had sounded. He walked up to the roof slowly, trying to figure out how to phrase the rejection without coming off as too much of a dick. It wasn't that he wasn't interested in having a girlfriend, it was just because he didn't even know the girl. Yeah. Sound logic.

He placed a hand on the handle to turn it, but stopped short when he felt his pocket vibrate.

_Yosuke, call me before you go home. I need you to pick up the paperwork on those two boys on your way. I didn't have time to fill it out yesterday and I forgot about it today. I need to turn it in tomorrow morning, so don't forget._

His dad was notorious for this, but this time Yosuke couldn't focus on teasing him. He was reminded of the awkward conversation he'd overhead that day. _Unnatural_. _Disgusting._ Those words shook him and he felt sick again, but he couldn't just stand at the door forever. His insides were twisting into knots as he pushed it open and stepped outside. Better to get one problem out of the way before focusing on another.

Once his eyes adjusted to the sun, he could see a small figure at the end of the roof facing away from him. She slowly turned, obviously hearing the creak of the old door, and smiled sweetly towards him. Yosuke knew he should have felt... something.

But he just didn't.

There was no excitement, fear, embarrassment or even mild shyness. He just felt moody and bothered, something he'd never imagined experiencing with a girl who'd confessed to him. After he finished walking up to her, he could make out her features much better. She was what someone would consider conventionally attractive, and most boys would probably be stumbling over their words just trying to talk to her. Yosuke assumed this anyway, because all he took in was how short she was compared to him.

"Sorry about the note. My friends made it and put it in your locker." She smiled sweetly at him.

"Ah, I see." Maybe this would be easier than he thought.

"It's mostly true though. I've been interested in talking to you since last year." Her pale face was very red now.

"Oh."

Or not.

She still didn't break eye contact as she spoke, "I'm not saying it's love, or even a real crush, but maybe you'd like to go out some time? I'm Ume Hayashi."

Yosuke knew he should said say, 'sorry not interested, but thanks', because that was what Takehaya Susano-O was practically yelling in his mind (words _very_ discernible now). However, all Yosuke could think of was his father growing suspicious that he still hadn't found a girlfriend or that he wasn't even talking about girls. He didn't want to be labeled as... _that_ by his own father. Not because he was or anything, but because it would be an awkward argument.

_Coward._

Yosuke jerked his head to the side, swearing for a moment he'd heard a voice behind him.

He slowly turned back to Ume. "Er... I'm Yosuke Hanamura... and please just call me Yosuke." What was he doing?

"Oh, ok. Pleased to finally be making your acquaintance, Yosuke-Senpai." Her face lit up and she clapped her hands together. "So, would you like to? Go out sometime, I mean..."

"Um..." If Takehaya Susano-O had been dormant for the past few months, he was certainly active now, and he was very clearly against this. "Sure."

Yosuke felt a force like someone knocking the wind out of him, but he kept talking, "I mean, it couldn't hurt... Right?" The inflection in his voice made it seem like he was asking her if it was okay to lie to himself like this. She, of course, didn't notice.

"Right! Wow, well I guess I'll give you my number and we can go out soon!" She pulled her phone out, giggling as she did so.

Yosuke gave her his number and she sent him a text so he could save her number later. He decided that he would hang around and chat with her a little longer before facing the group and hearing all their crap. He didn't bother to check his phone when she sent it knowing there was no rush; as a result, he failed to notice the other dozen messages he'd received.

 ===

He should have been excited and rushing to tell everyone he knew, but all he could do was think of excuses to tell everyone instead. How was he going to tell Souji? He felt like he'd deceived his best friend, but that was insane. He could split his time, and Golden Week would be dedicated solely to his partner. Yosuke decided to go ahead and deal with the uncomfortable conversation. After stopping by Junes, he put the paperwork in his bag as quickly as he could to avoid the nagging curiosity to read the confidential report. Usually he was nosey, but decided to be respectful this time. He pulled his phone out on his way back and his eyes grew wide as he looked at his notifications.

5 missed calls. 16 messages. With the exception of one message, they were all from Souji.

Yosuke frantically scrolled through the message thread picking up on random messages.

_Feeling weird, I'm going home._

_Hey, are you still at school?_

_Yosuke, please pick up._

Then he felt a terror he hadn't experienced in months.

_pls answer_

_theyre everywhere_

Message after message asking for Yosuke to call or describing what Souji was seeing. Souji's hallucinations had apparently started again and Yosuke had been on the roof with a girl he didn't even know instead of answering the phone for the best friend he'd just made a promise to.

He ran home calling Souji, getting voicemail, hanging up, and calling back again. He repeated this as he opened the door and threw his bag towards the dining table where his father would be. His parents were probably getting food, but Yosuke didn't have time to wonder about where they were.

How could he do this to Souji? He'd told him to call when he started to feel all this crap and Yosuke couldn't answer the first damn phone call about it. He was fucking pathetic. Souji would have answered. Souji wouldn't have let Yosuke down.

"Dammit, pick up!" After getting voicemail for what seemed like the hundredth time Yosuke threw his phone on the futon.

He ruffled his hair violently and sat down on his bed trying to formulate some semblance of a plan. Dojima might be able to get in contact with Souji's mom or dad. Yosuke grabbed his phone and dialed Nanako only to be met with their answering machine.

"Dammit!" He didn't have any idea what to do and he felt like the most worthless piece of shit.

Maybe he could buy a train ticket and just go to where Souji lived? That would take way too long. Should he call the emergency line and report Souji? They wouldn't do anything though, and what could he say? The truth would be unbelievable and if Souji was just ignoring him out of anger it would cause Souji and his family a lot of trouble. Yosuke wasn't the best liar when he was talking to an authority figure anyway, and having to talk to someone about why a police officer should be sent out would be a difficult lie.

_Useless._

Yosuke looked around his room, certain he heard the same voice from before. What the hell was going on today? Was he hearing the same voices Souji was? No, there wasn't time to make this about him. He'd fucked up and he had to fix this. Somehow.

He alternated between dialing Souji and Dojima several times, wishing he'd saved the detective's cell number instead. After half an hour or so, Nanako finally answered the house phone.

"Hello, Doji—"

"Nanako-chan, it's Yosuke. I need to speak with your dad, it's an emergency." He didn't want to alarm Nanako, but he needed to press the urgency of the call.

"Oh, o-okay, one sec. Dad!" He could tell he'd frightened her and he'd have to apologize later.

"This is Doj—"

"Sorry to call so late. It's Yosuke and I think Souji's in trouble."

"Hanamura? What's going on?"

"He's been, uh... sick, and he hasn't answered for me in a while. I'm worried he's passed out and hurt himself or something. Anyway, can you call his mother? ...Please," Yosuke's voice cracked as he relayed what little he knew, and he only now felt his wet cheeks.

"Um, well I'll give her a call." Dojima sounded unsure.

"Please, please do that. Let me know if you hear anything."

They both hung up and Yosuke hugged his knees to his chin, hiding his face between them. It wasn't sobbing or anything, but just the silent crying of knowing and not knowing the damage his betrayal had inflicted.

"Please be okay. Please answer me... Please don't hate me."


	5. Chapter 5

"Well, it doesn't look too serious, but you should take the rest of the day off. Classes are almost over anyway." The school nurse finished his examination of Souji and was quick to dismiss him.

Souji stood up carefully from the bed he'd been sitting on. "Thank you, I'll do that." He wasn't sure if his feeling ill was due to sickness or just nerves.

The nurse nodded and returned to his desk, motioning with his hand towards the door. At least Souji didn't have to make small talk with the man. Once Souji was in the hallway he took out his phone and decided to text Yosuke about it, not wanting to imagine the angry lecture Yosuke would give him later if Souji kept it from him.

_Feeling weird, I'm going home._

Souji didn't want to tell Yosuke he was sick if he wasn't, and as much as Yosuke tried to play it cool, he overreacted more than Kanji sometimes. Souji was almost positive after the check-up that it was him being overly upset about this confession letter. At this point, he was trying to do whatever he could to take his mind off the note Yosuke had received, but it was growing more difficult as it neared the end of the school day. Yosuke was the kind of person that wasn't the best with words, and often found his foot—or Chie's foot, in his mouth.

 ===

The train ride home was less crowded than usual thankfully, but that was another perk of leaving before rush hour. Souji thought about how packed they would be during Golden Week and frowned. Maybe leaving Sunday would make his life much easier, but it was unlikely. It was exciting to think about how the gang would be back together again, and he'd have to call Nanako and his uncle to let them know about the visit.

He checked his phone and was disappointed to see that Yosuke hadn't texted him once all day. He was probably stressing about talking to the girl, and Souji tried to ignore the part of him that was happy she was getting her heart broken. It was childish and selfish, but Souji couldn't help it and wasn't going to deny it. Last year had proven how dangerous that tended to be. However, he wasn't acknowledging the other part of him that was slowly becoming overwhelmed with self-pity.

The apartment was as empty and quiet as it usually was and he had long stopped declaring that he was home. At least Nanako greeted him, and honestly there were times when the apartment reminded him of that emptiness he felt last December.

_Pi, pi, pi!_

_ahhh yosuke just walked rite out of the classroom. i dunno if he is going to talk 2 that girl cuz he didnt say n e thing to us 2day. :((( poor girl._

Souji looked at Chie's message a few times before deciding not to respond for the time being. He did, however, text Yosuke.

_Hey, are you still at school?_

Surely Yosuke wouldn't just leave and not talk to the girl. Why wouldn't he have at least mentioned it to the others though? It had to be because he didn't want them to pester him like they had the other day.

_Buzz_.

_omg they r on the roof!! we r gonna investigate!!!_

So, he did go meet her, but why was Chie choosing to text him this stuff? He wanted and didn't want to know what was going on, but it was better to get this over with. Souji sat down on the edge of the couch, phone in both hands with eyes locked on the screen. He wasn't going to move until he got some kind of confirmation regarding the situation. He'd react accordingly then.

_all that sneaking around last year rly helped! we even got past that noisy door w/out him noticing!_

This play by play was beginning to make Souji sick.

_alrite yukiko and i r hiding. ill let u know wat happens!!_

The tips of his fingers started to tingle and his skin started to feel like it was hovering a few inches above the rest of his body.

"Not now." One hand went to his forehead and he closed his eyes for a moment.

Chie didn't send anything for what seemed like a while, but Souji wasn't really certain of the passage of time anymore. He felt anxious with both Yosuke and the now familiar sight of the walls deciding to move.

And then, the world caved in.

_uhhh yea he totally just accepted. wtf y didnt he tell the rest of us?!!_

His stomach dropped and he felt an overwhelming force push against his chest. Souji's hands started to shake and he dropped the phone to the carpet while the room turned sharply at a 90 degree angle. Quickly after that, he fell towards the coffee table in front of him and felt a searing pain go through his head as his temple caught the edge on the way down.

"Goddammit." He scrambled to grab for his phone while the tint of the apartment turned to a sickly yellow.

He pressed his speed dial for Yosuke and tried to concentrate as the ring echoed painfully in his ear. Souji called a few more times before texting Yosuke.

_Yosuke, please pick up._

Soon he could barely see the screen in front of him as the air became thick with fog and Souji coughed violently as he tried to crawl towards to kitchen. He thought about calling his mother, but it would be too difficult to explain. He needed Yosuke, he needed to hear his voice, he needed to be told that he would be okay and that he wasn't losing his mind.

_pls answer_

Souji placed his fingertips to the side of his head and pulled them back to see red. His eyes shut and he tried to focus on the best course of action to take. His glasses were in his room and maybe if he could reach those he could see through the fog. None of it was real, but maybe his mind could associate the glasses as a solution. He opened his eyes and began clawing at the carpet trying to get a grip on it and pull himself forward;  when that didn't work he blindly reached for a piece of furniture to use as leverage. However, he couldn't even move past the edge of the dining table. Souji had to pause to regain his energy, but felt his legs go numb and his heart start to race dangerously fast. He rested his cheek against the floor and tried not to think about how he was going to scrub blood out later. His fingers barely worked as he sent several more messages to Yosuke, forgetting what they'd said immediately after he pressed send.

He hadn't felt this helpless since Namatame took Nanako hostage in the TV, and all attempts to contact Yosuke had seemed to fail. He felt a mixture of anger and sorrow, but he really didn't have time to pity himself.

It was getting harder to keep his eyes open as the shadows in the apartment started to grow in size and appear to gain mass. He sent one last text to Yosuke in the hopes that he would see the message and respond before it was too late.

_theyre everywhere_

However, Souji knew it was too late.

He looked on as the Shadows began to slide towards one another, inching closer and closer to him. Slowly, the shadows combined and grew in height, forming what appeared to be a silhouette of a person. Souji silently mouthed that it wasn't real to try and convince himself and gain back some sense of reality, but soon the figure was standing only a couple feet from him. Through blurred vision Souji studied what he could of the thing in front of him, but froze completely when yellow eyes met his.

He saw himself.

"Hello." The Shadow's face became even clearer and Souji couldn't deny his reflection before him.

The Shadow slammed the heel of his foot into the side of Souji's head. "I don't believe we've ever had the pleasure."

Souji yelled loudly as his wound was ground against the carpet.

"Tsch, so weak. You've practically had your guts ripped from your body and this makes you cry out? Come on, _leader_."

Instantly, Souji's stomach was met with a kick that knocked him into the kitchen, slamming his back against a cabinet.

"Can't even stand? It's easier to act tough when you're trying to impress someone, isn't it?" His Shadow knelt down in front of him and smiled wickedly.

"You and I are going to have a conversation that's long overdue." He patted the side of Souji's cheek several times before standing back up.

Souji curled into half fetal position, pressing his arms against his abdomen to try and subdue the pain. How could this be happening outside the TV? Why now and not back in Inaba? No one's Shadow had been this violent at first.

"You aren't a child anymore, stop cowering." Souji's Shadow took the tip of his shoe and tucked it under Souji's chin, lifting Souji's head up to look at him.

"Why... are you... here?" Souji croaked, feeling as though his organs had been crushed.

"Don't bullshit me, you know why," the Shadow snarled and shook his head. "You're fucking pathetic."

Souji jerked his head away. "I'm not denying _anything_."

"Aren't you?" He cocked his head to the side and smiled knowingly.

Souji knew that there was no other reason for his Shadow to be there unless he was in denial of something, but he honestly couldn't think of anything at that moment. Not even some dark, repressed thought. Somewhere, Izanagi was trying to tear his way out of Souji's mind, but there wasn't any way for him to manifest.

His Shadow shrugged and leaned against the adjacent counter. "The needy, lonely leader. Doomed to that loneliness while your friends get to have the time of their lives in Inaba. Or, at least that's what it feels like compared to this city. Why do they get to have fun when you were the one that _really_ brought them all together? Honestly, they wouldn't even be _alive_ if it wasn't for you."

"No. Everyone worked together," Souji pushed up with the remainder of his strength and sat with his back against the lower cabinet.

"That's a laugh. They'd be _dead_ without you, you're the special one. They can't do anything without you. Honestly, how did they make it to school every day without meeting with some cruel end? You were the universal problem solver. Souji Seta, just ask him and he'll drop everything to fix your fucked up life," the Shadow jabbed, his eyes turning to slits as he talked, and sounding more and more pleased with himself.

"I did those things... because I cared about people."

His Shadow burst into laughter. "No, you did it because you were so fucking desperate to belong to something. As long as they showed some kind of love for you, some kind of admiration, you'd drop everything to fix their issues. It didn't matter how trivial and selfish they were. You were tired of being the mysterious transfer student that spoke to no one and didn't have friends. You wanted to be the mysterious transfer student that was _worshipped_. You wanted to be revered as their God, as someone who came and saved them from the life of monotony that plagued them."

Souji knew that every time they'd encountered someone's Shadow it had been a reflection of their feelings, but in the most dramatic and exaggerated way possible. He couldn't take this at face value. He maintained his calm mask.

"Oh, and he was the best one of all, wasn't he? Your clumsy other half that—"

"Shut your fucking mouth. You don't get to talk about him," Souji threatened, slamming a fist against the ground, his calm demeanor suddenly gone.

"There's that nerve I was searching for. But he's special, isn't he?" His Shadow chuckled and crossed his arms. "We haven't even begun to dissect that little screwed-up head of yours. You've covered up a lot these past few years, but nothing like the shit you felt in Inaba. Now the feeble mental dam you've constructed has crumbled and I'm going to haunt your every moment, waking or not. You and I are the same, and I am not going to let you forget that." He flew forward and grabbed Souji's head, pinning him against the cabinet. "I will break you. They'll lock you up and try to pick apart that brain of yours. You know it's over, you can't recover. This kind of stuff only happens to _crazy_ people, right? However, you're the strong and resilient Souji Seta. Or...at least that's what everyone else feeds you. Those are the compliments you've come to depend on, but now the gratitude has stopped rolling in and you're stuck realizing all your friends don't give a _damn_ about you. What do they send? Only messages asking for advice. When do they ever ask about you? All you did for everyone and this is how you are repaid? Hell, the person you say you love can't even take the time to keep a single promise. They don't deserve—"

But just like that the lights came on, his Shadow dissipated and the room transformed back to normal.

"Souji! Oh my God, Souji! Are you ok?! Call an ambulance!" In seconds his mother was at his side.

Souji reached for her and touched her arm gently. "No... no please don't. I'm fine... just fell." His was still disoriented from the sudden jolt.

"No, you are going to have this looked at! Souji you're bleeding, oh God... Did you call them yet!?" His mother was carefully examining the cut and not realizing the shrillness of her voice made the teen's head throb.

"Mother. I'm. Fine." Souji was obviously the opposite, but the last thing he needed was an evaluation at the hospital. All they were going to do was patch up his head, but not in the way he needed.

"It looks worse than it is," his father insisted as he knelt down in front of him and shined a small light in both of Souji's eyes.

"This is serious. He needs to get stitches, or something!" She was frantic at this point.

"As the only doctor in this room, I am going to make that decision." He stared suspiciously at Souji's eyes for a moment before shutting off the light. "He's just shaken up."

Souji had taken the time to compose his lie. "I went home early from school feeling dizzy. I tried to get up from the couch and lost my balance. I'll clean up the mess in a few minutes."

It seemed to work for his mother.

"You will absolutely not! We will worry about that. Let's get you in a chair." Soon his parents were lifting him up and helping him to the dining table.

"Souji, why didn't you call me? I could have picked you up from school or at least come home early!"

His father was already working on cleaning him up. "Enough. I don't believe he has a concussion, but we need to focus on keeping him awake for the next few hours. I'll take care of this, go get changed."

Although Souji could tell his mother was not pleased with the instruction, she did as her husband asked. It left the two of them alone in the room and Souji couldn't remember the last time it had just been them. After what seemed like an eternity of awkward silence, his father finally spoke.

"Your pupils were dilated. What was going on?"

Dammit.

"It must have been because of the injury to my head. I don't really have any recollection of the past"—Souji looked at the clock—"five hours..."

Had it really been _that_ long?

"Hmm... you might have suffered from a seizure. It seems unlikely, but so does you taking some kind of hallucinatory drug." He pulled away and took off his gloves and continued his inquiry, "Unless I _do_ need to test you."

"Your first assumption was correct. I am not taking anything."

"Good."

And that was all that was said about it, but Souji knew his father was skeptical. His mother came back in the room, still visibly shaken.

"Thank God Yosuke called my brother. It could have been tomorrow before I found you."

Souji's jaw dropped slightly. "Yosuke... called Dojima?"

His mother nodded. "Yes, and that reminds me, I need to call Ryotaro back and let him know you're okay."

Souji had to call Yosuke. "May I be excused to my room? I'm really fine."

"No. You need to stay in here so we can make sure you stay awake," his father spoke in an intimidating voice.

"May I please make a phone call?" Souji countered.

"Yes, you should let Yosuke know you're ok," Souji's mother interjected before her husband could answer.

Souji politely requested for her to retrieve his phone and thanked her before dialing Yosuke again. His father eyed him before standing up and heading for his bedroom. Souji would have to come up with something more convincing for him. The phone only rang once.

"Souji! I was so worried! What the hell happened!? I am so, so, SO sorry I didn't get your messages or calls!" Yosuke's words were running together.

"It's okay, I'm fine, I just fell and hit my head. I didn't mean to worry you." Souji watched as his mother followed his father into their room, rambling on the phone with his uncle. "But... I had some other issues."

"What did you see? What triggered it? Dude, I cannot believe I missed the _first_ _damn_ _call_. I am so sorry."

"Really, don't worry about it." How was he supposed to explain the cause? How was he going to explain his _Shadow_?

Yosuke had less patience than usual. "Did something happen at school?"

"No, I was just feeling poorly today. When I got home it just became too much to contain, I suppose. It was mostly just fog and the shadows, but I"—he couldn't tell him right now, not when he didn't even fully understand what had happened—"think it was just a very bad day."

"I think bad day is an understatement. You have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice. I was ready to hop on a train and find you, partner."

"You don't even know where the apartment is." Souji had a small smile.

"I have the address and crappy GPS on my phone. I'd have figured it out. I perform a lot better under pressure. Helps me think."

"Yeah, that GPS is garbage."

"Dude, don't I know it."

If it hadn't been for the throbbing pain and morbid events that had just occurred, this would have been like a normal conversation. However, as much as Souji wanted to suppress it, he hadn't forgotten about what Chie had informed him of. In any other situation it would have been a completely inappropriate time to bring it up, but seeing as how it had almost certainly been what had thrown him into the hallucinations, it seemed pretty pertinent to clear it up.

"Well, to get my mind off the previous hours' events, how did today go?"

Souji was going to give Yosuke the benefit of the doubt first, but he knew the truth.

"Look dude, now is not the time to worry about all that. You need to rest, you can text me later."

"So, you accepted?" Any other person might have asked if someone had been spying on them, but Souji would have known the answer based on how Yosuke had just acted without Chie's help.

There were several moments of silence.

"Yeah, I guess. We're not, like, a couple or anything. Just giving it a try. It'd feel weird to say I went my high school career without a single date, or whatever us hanging out is gonna be. Plus, she's...cute. Seems normal."

"I see."

Souji had responded with a voice void of emotion, and Yosuke was quick to notice.

"You okay? Hey, I'm not using her or anything! Seriously, I wanna give this a shot—as _friends_! Not as a couple."

"No, I understand. You're not like that anyway." Souji feigned his understanding, but only because something was off with Yosuke's voice. There was no sincerity in anything he was saying.

Yosuke laughed awkwardly. "You're right, I don't need to defend myself to you of all people. Thanks man... Maybe something comes out of this, maybe it doesn't, but at least I gave it a shot."

"Indeed. What's her name?"

Souji figured he might as well play the role of supportive best friend until both of them came clean with one another.

"Ume Hayashi. Seems mature for her age... I guess. I'm not the best judge of that."

"I think last year proves that statement wrong."

"I'm not so sure about that. I made and almost made a lot of decisions I wasn't proud of."

Souji's head was beginning clear up, but the pain from his wound raged on.

"I disagree, but you're stubborn and I'm exhausted," Souji countered while trying to lighten the mood, but that wasn't his strongest skill.

"Ugh, I'm sorry partner, and this all could have possibly been avoided if I wasn't so caught up in my own crap. See? Immature, bad decisions. Get some rest and call me later if you need me. I won't mess up again," Yosuke insisted, more firmly this time.

Souji hummed in response, too tired to argue with the final wave of fatigue hitting him.

"Well, hopefully the next time I talk to you it'll be different circumstances. Feel better partner," Yosuke's voice cracked towards the end.

"Thanks, talk to you then."

There was a momentary delay, as if both of them wanted to say something they couldn't, but finally they shut their phones and Souji's gaze wandered to the rug he'd stained. As much as he didn't want to deal with it, he had more pressing issues than Yosuke's lies and new 'friend' to contend with.

 ===

His parents had finally let him get ready for bed, but insisted he take the next day off from school. Souji hadn't argued, but it also wouldn't have mattered; by the time he'd been allowed to leave the living room for his own room it was mere hours before he would have had to get up anyway. His mother decided to stay home to keep an eye on him, but his father went back to the hospital. Not that this was any surprise to Souji, and he honestly didn't want to risk any more questions from him.

He gripped the sink in his bathroom to steady himself and stared into the mirror.

"No bruises... anywhere," he commented as he briefly let go to lift his shirt and examine his torso. "But how?"

Those attacks felt real, and he'd even ended up in the kitchen from one of the blows. Did he really just imagine it all? Izanagi had reacted to his Shadow, but what if it was just Izanagi trying to protect Souji from inflicting harm on himself? He tried to picture punching himself in the stomach or flinging himself into a different room, but it seemed too ridiculous. If he'd hit himself there would be some sign of trauma by now, even a little bit, but no part of him was even swollen.

He opened the cabinet the mirror was attached to and searched through the different kinds of first aid supplies until he found painkillers. He placed them in his hand and downed three with a grimace. After last year's events he figured he would have gotten used to them by now.

Souji carefully closed the cabinet, but jumped when he saw a blurry figure behind him.

"I warned you."

He whipped around to see only the back wall of the bathroom.

"Dammit," he cursed and rubbed his eyes.

His Shadow—or at least that's what Souji would consider him for now—had threatened to plague Souji no matter what his condition was, but if he was seeing his Shadow now without the other symptoms...

"Souji! Are you in bed yet?" She was growing to be overprotective.

"Ah, sorry. I'm doing that now."

Souji cautiously stepped into the hallway and into his room, checking every dark corner as he did so. Once he reached his bed he paused and opened his desk drawer to retrieve his old glasses. He assumed it might be safer to carry them at all times to test his earlier theory. Izanagi and his other Personas hummed restlessly in his mind and Souji closed his eyes, attempting to calm them. The last thing he needed was for them to suddenly appear in front of him. He didn't need another mystery to solve.

He turned the glasses over in his hands and carefully put them on, glancing around the room. Nothing seemed any different, but the walls were also behaving now. He took them off, placed them next to his phone on the nightstand and finally got into bed.

As dead as he felt, his paranoia prevented him from keeping his eyes closed for more than a few seconds at a time. The light was starting to peek through his windows as the sun crept up, and Souji tried to focus on the lines his blinds were creating on the floor. He tried to remember the different things that could have triggered his hallucinations and what he could do to avoid them. Yosuke's new 'relationship' seemed unavoidable for the time being, but there had to be others. Surely his mental health's drastic decline hadn't resulted solely from the currently strained relationship he had with Yosuke.

"Tell me, _hero_ , how long do you plan to go on convincing yourself I'm not real?"

Souji wasn't as alarmed by the voice this time, and didn't move as he felt the edge of the bed sink. "It's impossible for you to exist outside of the TV."

"Why? Because your friends faced their _true selves_ there? You know that world is linked to this one." Souji heard him chuckle.

Souji sat up and looked at him. "If I'm going insane I can accept that, but this isn't how—"

"This isn't what? Standard procedure? Please, everything about you is textbook crazy. The Velvet Room? You weren't always in the TV for that, were you? Don't try to argue with feeble excuses when you have decisive evidence," his Shadow replied with a smug expression.

Souji glared. "You would know."

"Indeed I would." A grin spread across his face.

"Then what? If you're my Shadow then all I have to do is accept you. If I don't then you transform into some twisted monster," Souji spoke matter-of-factly.

His Shadow threw his head back in momentary laughter. "Is that what you think? _You_ get a big, bad monster to fight? Your situation is quite different and you know it. Don't play stupid," he spoke in questions, but Souji knew the Shadow was just taunting him. They never asked _real_ questions. "There is no oasis for your mind to escape to, and all the sleep, therapy or medicine in the world won't help you. This isn't the reality modern medicine has been designed for, this is the reality a rare few ever get to experience. So we're going to talk, and talk, and talk some more."

Izanagi snarled and Souji felt the old, familiar pressure against the back of his forehead. Any other time it would have been a welcome feeling of protection, but for now he'd have to subdue his Personas.

"Why now? Why not last year when—"

"Oh, enough stalling. It doesn't matter why or when!" His Shadow started clicking his tongue.

Souji wasn't sure if he was safe to think of some kind of strategy, or if his Shadow would become violent again. All of the others' Shadows had varying levels of tempers, but his was acting strangely.

"Stop trying to pick yourself apart, _Souji_." A smirk formed as the Shadow stated Souji's name.

"Just say what you have to say."

"We do love drama, don't we?"

Souji knew that he had to take every word and not fall into the familiar trap. "At times, yes."

_Buzz_.

The both looked towards Souji's cell phone.

"You going to check that?" The Shadow chuckled and drew a knee to his chin.

Souji never took his eyes off his Shadow as he grabbed the phone and opened it with the screen facing his reflection.

"Experimenting with whether or not I'm real? If I can read the message without you having seen it first then you have something _tangible_ to fear?" His eyes remained locked on Souji's. "Sorry, not giving you the satisfaction either way. You can't trick me if I'm _you_ , or did you already forget we occupy the same headspace?"

The questions were starting to annoy Souji, but he mustered his last shred of remaining patience to stay calm. His eyes finally broke away and looked at the message.

_hey partner. i still feel like complete shit for last night. i just want you to know that it won't happen again and that nothing changes. you're still number 1 and golden week is all about you! text me when you feel up to it! 5 days!_

The Shadow's outline grew fuzzier in the background as Souji read the message. He looked up at his Shadow's blank face and watched as his form grew transparent.

"For now." Two words and he was gone again.

Souji collapsed backwards onto the pillow and partially covered his face with his forearm. His Shadow seemed more interested in torturing him than anything, and this behavior was very off-kilter when compared to the other situations. What could he do? It didn't matter if it was just something he'd created or if it was the real thing, because he couldn't outsmart himself. As much as he hated the idea, he would have to keep this from the others for now—even Naoto, and especially Yosuke. It _was_ nice to read Yosuke's declaration that Souji was most important, even if it was an exaggeration.

He tried replaying the Shadow's words over and over again, but he couldn't imagine these issues being so deeply entrenched that it took this level of abuse to draw them out. Did he really just use his friends to feel _special_? No, it was more complicated than that. He had to take what had been said and dial it back to a more normal, human view. It was true that he had wanted Inaba to be different, and for once he wanted to try and get to know people. He no longer wanted to let his stay's time limit interfere with him creating bonds with people, but it didn't mean he'd helped everyone because of his own selfish ways... Did it?

  _Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz_. The phone's vibration began to numb the side of Souji's leg through the covers. He almost regretted the change of ringtone to vibrate.

Kanji.

_Senpai, are you okay!?_

Chie.

_ahhhhhh yosuke said u were sick! :(((_

Yukiko.

_Please get some rest. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask._

Naoto.

_Senpai, please rest. Contact me if you need anything._

How could his other self claim they didn't care? Could he really feel that way?

_Buzz_.

_agh i'm sorry. naoto can read me like a book. it's a little creepy._

Souji allowed himself to laugh a little at Yosuke.

_It's fine. Please let them know I'm feeling somewhat better, but I'm taking today off from school. Please don't feel bad._

It was simpler than a mass text.

_sounds good... thanks for giving me another chance partner. i won't mess this one up._

Souji stared at the screen, and fought to text for Yosuke to 'break up' with Ume—who wasn't even his girlfriend... yet. Part of Souji felt extremely arrogant, but he wondered if Yosuke really would end it if he simply asked. No, he'd just try to be supportive, but he didn't have to _not_ fight for Yosuke.

_You'll never be without chances. You're the most important person to me._

He might lose this battle. He was terrible with words.

_gah, you better not be making fun of me! :p_

Where did he stand with this? He could either help Yosuke or try to end their 'relationship', there was no middle ground here. What kind of person was he? He'd never had to deal with jealousy before, and especially not with someone he loved. If he cared about Yosuke, he was supposed to let him make his own decisions and not tie Yosuke down, right? If Yosuke wanted to be with Ume than Souji had no right to try and mess that up, because if he did love Yosuke, he was supposed to want him to be happy. Right now he could only act the way he actually felt, it was too dangerous at the moment to play the stoic friend.

_No. I truly mean it, Yosuke. You're my number one._

It was a risky text, but it _could_ mean friendship. Given the nature of their relationship, it was completely acceptable to talk like this, but it could still be misconstrued. He felt terrible, and every rational thought told him that he was going about this in the most selfish way possible, but what could he do? He wanted to try, and he still planned to tell Yosuke the truth during Golden Week. Their friendship was strong enough to withstand a confession, and although it might be stressed for a bit of time, it could be repaired.

_and you'll always be mine._

Souji blinked and felt his face grow hot. _That_ was an easily misconstrued text. Maybe Yosuke really _did_ feel the same? Souji hadn't felt this kind of pressure before, and he started to believe that the courage he had to muster for battle was easier than this. He could keep this going.

_Please mean that._

This was getting dangerous. Souji started to wonder if he could explain his way out of these texts if Yosuke started to question them. He had dodged the question about Mada the other day, but he couldn't keep doing that without Yosuke growing too suspicious.

_of course partner, no one can ever change that._

Yosuke was completely serious. No over exaggerated punctuation or sidestepping. Souji took one final chance and didn't take even a second to talk himself out of it.

_Can I come Saturday evening? I need to talk to you about something important. I don't want the others or my family to know I am arriving early._

He could feel Mada and the others warming his chest, but he still hoped he made the right decision without being too obvious. If he told Yosuke during the beginning of Golden Week than maybe he could use the remaining time to fix anything he might break.

_yea absolutely. we can just walk around all night to avoid the wrath of my parents if need be. wouldn't be the first late night adventure with just the two of us, right?_

If this worked than he really would be ending Yosuke and Ume's budding relationship, but had they really been talking long enough for Souji to be ruining anything substantial?

_Just understand if it's a little difficult for me. If I'm being completely honest, I kind of wish we could just spend the break away from everyone. I know that must sound bizarre._

If he set up the conversation this way, maybe Yosuke could guess before Saturday and start considering the possibilities. Souji could at least try and plant the idea.

_no as weird as it sounds i agree. feels like we never really got any time to talk besides a few hours after school._

Souji knew he had an advantage with Yosuke over Ume if this did turn into what he wanted. It felt wrong to exploit their closeness, but he would without hesitation. He'd accept his wrongdoings and live with them. Then again, his flip-flopping was beginning to tire him out. How many times could he change his mind in a five minute time span?

_I'm glad I'm not the only one. Thank you, Yosuke. I could lose everyone, but I don't think I could lose you. Don't take that as though the others are expendable, but I'm not sure how else to explain._

He had to start dialing this back. It was starting to feel like the confession might slip via text message and Souji wasn't going to allow that.

_no need. i understand and feel the same. after all, we're partners, right? carries more meaning than just friends. :)_

Souji started to feel like Yosuke was purposefully confusing him. So many things he was saying could mean two or three things, but Souji associated the messages with the platonic route and decided to let Yosuke focus on school.

_Partners. Now pay attention in class, and you can text me when you aren't learning something. :)_

_bleeeeh, fine. i'll text during lunch break. sleep now. that's an order, partner! (lol ordering the leader)_

He certainly had a knack for cheering Souji up in a way no one else could. His Personas seemed to dull his headache and gave him a mild euphoric feeling. It was almost as though they were rewarding him, but Souji wondered if this could be considered positive reinforcement for his egocentric actions.

"Wait..." Souji's eyes widened in a sudden realization.

How did he have the same strong connection to his Personas if his Shadow was appearing now? Did this give affirmation that his Shadow was just a figment of his growing insanity? He wasn't sure which was scarier. However, he finally felt calm enough to sleep and he'd could tackle some of his problems when he woke up for Yosuke's break. He wasn't exactly avoiding them, because now he could test the warning his Shadow had made earlier.

If he'd see the Shadow in his dreams.


	6. Chapter 6

What had he been thinking?

"Geez." Yosuke bumped his forehead repeatedly against the wall of the bathroom.

Could he have responded with a more bizarre set of messages? Why had he phrased it so seriously?

"Senpai? S'everything okay?" Kanji walked out of a stall and paused to stare at him.

Yosuke leapt back and waved his hands frantically. "Uh, you know! Just having a weird day!"

Yosuke had escaped to the bathroom to avoid his friends while he punished himself, not to be judged by Kanji.

Kanji blinked a few times and slowly turned to wash his hands. "Sure, uh, right."

Yosuke sighed quietly, relieved that Kanji had either accepted his response, or that he simply didn't want to get involved.

"So, you accepted that girl's confession?" Kanji shook his hands and faced Yosuke again.

"Ah, yeah, sort of? We aren't a couple or anything, just gonna talk and see what happens... I guess." Yosuke was already starting to feel like he was being put on trial.

Kanji looked almost disappointed. "She's in my class. She seems okay, doesn't really talk to anyone besides her friends. They're pretty loud, but she's normal. I've never really talked to her though."

Was he trying to be helpful? It seemed more like a formality for a friend.

"That's... good. Wouldn't wanna get a weird one my first try, right?" Yosuke laughed awkwardly, but Kanji's expression remained blank.

"I guess, Senpai. Anyway, have a good one. See ya later." Kanji nodded towards Yosuke and headed for the door.

Yosuke felt a strange guilt watching him walk away. "Hey, uh... Wait a second."

Kanji merely looked back at him.

"I just wanted to apologize. I know it's weird to do this in the bathroom at school, but... I'm sorry—for all the crap. It was dumb and I shouldn't have reacted the way I did to... a lot of stuff last year." Yosuke wasn't certain what spurred him to say any of it, but it seemed important right now for some reason.

Kanji gave a half-smile before replying, "Thanks, but it's really fine. Last year was a lot to deal with. I still appreciate it, and Senpai... good luck, but you won't need it."

"Huh? I could use all the luck I can get." Yosuke laughed again, but Kanji's expression was unreadable.

"Nah, not with this." Kanji turned and opened the door, leaving Yosuke confused again.

This had been a strange day already. Too strange. What did his friends know that he didn't? Or at least Naoto and Kanji knew something. Naoto had been guessing Yosuke's every thought recently, and he was starting to wonder if the girl's detective skills were actually some kind of mind reading ability. Kanji had changed a lot already in just a few months, and he was starting to make Yosuke feel like a child sometimes. Maybe Naoto was rubbing off on him.

_Buzz_.

_did u die n there? :p_

Chie.

_stfu!_

Yosuke put his phone away and ruffled his hair trying to clear his head. He'd wanted to take these precious few minutes to think about why he'd sent what he'd sent to Souji, but that plan had failed the second Kanji walked out. Souji didn't seem to be weirded out by any of them, but he could have just been loopy from the night before, or maybe even trying to make Yosuke feel better about completely fucking up. Yosuke wanted to make it apparent that this girl was not going to be put before his best friend. It was the least he could do after not talking to Souji before making his decision, then completely missing every call and text while his friend was in shambles.

Some partner he was.

But why did he feel the need to consult Souji before every choice he made? He wanted to tell himself it was because Souji could look at things from a rational viewpoint, a vital skill Yosuke lacked, but it seemed like something else now. He wanted Souji's approval, not in the sense that it was something Souji would do, but that Souji would be proud of him. Their friendship was like a peculiar marriage, and if for some impossible reason it ended, the result would be like a divorce.

It was dramatic, but that was them.

After he'd dragged the walk back to class out, he resigned himself to the lecture until finally the bell for lunch rang. He pulled out his phone to see no new messages from Souji, but there was one from Ume.

_Hey, if you're free today I'd love to go do something._

It was innocent, but the text made Yosuke feel sick. _Was_ he just using this girl?

_i'll let you know later, kind of tired today._

Yosuke frowned as he hit send, and hoped to just avoid her for the remainder of the day.

"Senpai." A quiet voice came from the door.

He'd succeeded for thirty seconds.

"Hey! You're Yosuke's _friend,_ right?" Chie was already standing between the two of them.

Yosuke turned towards the voices and felt his stomach twist into a knot.

"Oh, hello! I'm Ume Hayashi. Pleased to meet you," Ume answered and bowed towards Chie, obviously embarrassed.

"Ah, don't do that! Seriously, it's cool!" Chie waved both hands at Ume to discourage her and laughed uncomfortably. "I'm Chie Satonaka, nice to meet you."

This was one of the most stressful situations Yosuke had experienced to date. He had not been ready to introduce her to his friends yet.

"I'm Yukiko Amagi, pleased to meet you." Yukiko swiftly moved to stand next to Chie, and his two friends now blocked Ume from Yosuke's desk.

"Thanks, you as well." Ume bowed in Yukiko's direction this time.

"Wow, you're too cute for this lame-o. Seriously, run while you can," Chie joked and  reached back to jab Yosuke.

Yosuke swatted her hand away. "H-hey, knock it off."

Ume's face grew red. "I-I don't think that at all."

She clearly wasn't ready for one of Chie's jokes.

"Sorry, sorry, I was kidding. He's a nice guy—oblivious to the feelings of others, but nice," Chie said, and shot Yosuke a condescending glance before returning to Ume. "Come on, you should hang with us during lunch, you can steal Yosuke after school. We'll fill you in on all his bad habits to save you some time."

Yukiko giggled as they both took one arm each and started to lead Ume away before she could protest.

Yosuke stared for a moment and tried to piece together the last couple of minutes, but he oddly didn't feel anger towards the pair. It was relief.

_Buzz_.

_Wanted to let you know I'm awake._

If it wasn't for what had happened earlier Yosuke would have been ecstatic to see Souji's message, but now he just flushed whenever he remembered what he'd sent. He decided to pretend like it'd never happened.

_you get some decent sleep? today can't be over fast enough._

_It was uneventful. Sorry your day has been less than ideal._

_that's a weird way to describe sleep, but i guess that's a good thing? today has just been complicated. chie being chie._

_Uneventful is a welcome change, trust me. What did Chie do?_

Why did he feel ashamed bringing up Ume?

_ume showed up a few minutes ago and chie and yukiko dragged her off saying they were gonna tell her all about me. bad stuff of course._

_Oh, well if they were being honest with her it'd be a very short conversation._

Yosuke rubbed the side of his face and groaned. Of course, he had to know what Souji thought.

_what would you tell her? what are my bad traits?_

Souji took several minutes to respond, and Yosuke prepared for a long text that would crush him.

_I wouldn't have anything to say, but to humor you... You don't really have 'bad' traits, so to speak. You don't do anything that's terrible, but you have some mannerisms that have negative connotations attached to them. You can be forgetful, clumsy, and passionate without stopping to think. None of these things bother me, and honestly it gives you charm. I think we complement each other well, actually. Besides, your positives far outweigh anything 'bad' someone might see._

Yosuke smiled shyly and reread the message a few times.

_what are the positives? i could use a pep talk, leader._

One day his curiosity would get the better of him.

_Your unwavering loyalty, kindness, empathic nature, selflessness, courage, honesty, unmatched humor, resourcefulness, and when you're passionate without thinking. There are more, but those are my favorites. Also, I'm not your leader anymore. Those days are over, I'm just your partner now. :)_

Souji always had a way of making Yosuke feel like he mattered, but that was just Souji. He was great at this stuff, even if he didn't believe it himself.

_aghhh you over exaggerate everything i swear. thanks though... i feel a lot better now. i should be cheering you up, not the other way around._

_I'm better, texting you keeps my mind occupied._

_you know we'd all still follow you into battle. for all the times you pumped everyone up you should be a motivational speaker. seriously. you could talk someone you've never met out of jumping off a roof with a few words._

_A strange compliment, but thank you._

_another specialty of mine, creating awkward situations. :) also, if you're coming saturday just message me with the train you're taking and i'll think up an excuse to meet you. these next few days are gonna suck._

_Thanks. It will be a later train, and hopefully I can just leave my parents a note. Much cleaner that way._

_yeah probably, your mom might freak. lunch is over though, text you after school. go back to sleep._

_Enjoy lecture. Good night._

Yosuke flipped the phone closed and glared at Chie and Yukiko as they returned to their seats. "Thanks for that," he hissed, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

"Don't be so accusatory! You wanted to check on him, right? Hard to do that with a giddy school girl chatting your ear off. She seems sweet though, so don't break her heart, okay?" Chie puffed her cheeks towards him.

Yosuke's face turned pink and he gritted his teeth. "Dude, don't even start. We aren't together, geez," He looked down at the desk. "Thank you though, he's feeling better. Sucks that we can't visit him... I hope Nanako-chan isn't too worried about him."

"We need to visit her, it's been a while. I call her every now and then, but it's not the same, you know?" Chie's face turned into a pout.

"Yeah, when I called last night I think I freaked her out. I'll have to apologize later today. I hope she's not mad or anything," Yosuke admitted while spinning an eraser on his desk anxiously.

Chie reached over and smacked his arm. "Yosuke, you can't do that! She's still a kid you dummy, and she's been through enough! Stop and think about stuff for two seconds! It's your job to keep a level head."

Yosuke couldn't argue with her this time, and ignored Yukiko as she nodded her head in agreement. "I'm taking care of it, okay? I know I messed up... I was just scared last night."

Chie frowned and gave Yosuke a look of pity. "I-I know it's hard since he left, especially for you guys being best friends and all. But, hey, he's coming back for Golden Week, right? He did confirm that, didn't he?" She was crap at cheering Yosuke up.

He wanted to lie and say no. "Yeah, Sunday maybe. Possibly Monday," He was luckily allowed to be quiet about Saturday.

"See? That's awesome! It's only a few more days and the gang will be back together! We all make it sound like we haven't seen each other in ages. We'll have to think of some get together to welcome him back." Chie smiled and patted Yosuke's arm this time.

"As long as you two don't cook," Yosuke joked and smirked towards both of them.

Yukiko and Chie started to argue, but the teacher cleared his throat and quieted the class. Yosuke slumped in his chair and stared vacantly at the board as it filled up with notes. He could see Ume after school or use Nanako as a valid excuse to postpone it. He could also just go straight home and hide from all his responsibilities.

_Buzz_.

Yosuke placed a hand against his pocket, but stopped. It was more than likely her, however he couldn't be certain, and he wasn't going to ignore it if it was Souji. He took the gamble and snuck his phone out.

_Just let me know about today! :)_

His first assumption was correct. Yosuke debated on whether or not to ignore the text and blame it on class later, but if he didn't at least talk to the girl he wouldn't know if this could become something serious or even worthwhile. He resigned to just stopping by Nanako-chan's house after he hung out with Ume. The nervous habit of spinning  the ring on his finger calmed him enough to allow him to think about what advice Souji would offer. It was worth giving it a solid effort... right?

 ===

"Thanks for walking me home today," Ume stated happily and stood a safe distance from Yosuke as they walked through the floodplains.

"Huh? Oh yeah, it's cool," Yosuke replied and kept both hands on the strap of his bag as they walked, carefully avoiding her if she tried to grab his hand.

"To be honest, I was worried you wouldn't want to see me after lunch today. They really didn't say anything bad, by the way. They mostly just asked me questions and talked about your group of friends. Harmless," she reassured and smiled sweetly up at him.

He couldn't just be rude, but how was he supposed to make conversation with this girl?

"So, where do you want to stop? Are you hungry? We could stop by Aiya's!" Ume suggested.

"No." That was too quick. "I mean, uh, I've had it so much recently. Let's try somewhere else."

"Junes?"

"Definitely not."

"I figured. Why not Souzai Daigaku then?" she countered.

Everywhere had a memory with him, but they were just restaurants. "Sure," he gave a lackluster response.

Ume looked down as they walked. "Do you want to do this? I mean, it's fine if you don't, but you shouldn't feel obligated to hang out with me."

Yosuke fought back a groan. "No, I'm sorry, it's just been a long past couple days. I'm just a little tired and have a lot on my mind. Seriously, it's fine."

She smiled meekly and nodded, but Yosuke was just grateful she'd stopped talking.

 ===

The half hour they spent eating together had been terribly awkward with Ume spending most of her time just trying to get more than a couple sentences out of Yosuke. The walk to Ume's house had been no different, but Yosuke couldn't bring himself to invest fully in the girl just yet. Did he really have time to start something when he was possibly leaving at the end of his third year? She seemed nice and genuinely interested in getting to know him. They had a lot of similar interests, but most of his answers involved retelling past stories with Souji and his friends. He still felt like she was prying and he recoiled with even the most harmless of questions. It wasn't exactly like she found out anything useful, and he probably came off like an aloof jackass. Favorite color? Orange. Favorite movie? Dunno. Favorite music? A lot. Favorite animal? Never gave it much thought. Dream job? Not Junes.

He was a social train wreck.

"Um... do you want to come in?"

Yosuke snapped back and realized he was standing, hand still lifted in knocking position, in front of Nanako's door.

"Oh, sorry Nanako-chan! I was lost in thought I guess. That'd be great!" He smiled at her as he walked in and removed his shoes.

"Is Big Bro okay?" Her lip began to quiver and she grabbed the side of Yosuke's pants.

Yosuke could feel his heartbreaking. He did this.

"Yeah, he's much better. I'm so sorry for scaring you last night," Yosuke spoke softly and knelt down to her level.

Nanako nodded, but didn't seem completely convinced. "I'm fine. You didn't scare me."

He had to find a way to make this okay again, to fix what _he'd_ started.

"Hey, I have an idea! Let's call and you can talk to him. Sound good?" He pulled out his phone as he patted her head.

"That would be great!" She beamed as Yosuke started dialing Souji's number, setting the phone to speaker mode.

It rang a few times before a groggy Souji answered.

"Hmm, hello?" He let out a loud yawn.

"Big Bro!" Nanako jumped up and down several times at the sound of his voice.

"Nanako-chan... I'm so happy to hear your voice."

Yosuke could imagine Souji's face, a mixture of relief and happiness with just a bit of loneliness.

"Hey partner! Had someone who wanted to check on you. Hope we didn't catch you at a bad time." Although he wasn't quite as excited as Nanako, he shared her enthusiasm to hear he was still okay.

"No, not at all. I woke up a few minutes ago. Don't worry about me, I'm feeling fine now. Nanako-chan, how are you?"

Yosuke switched the mode back and handed the phone to Nanako to talk with Souji. He figured this was the least he could do to make up for his outburst last night. They talked for several minutes before Nanako walked back to Yosuke and handed him the phone, her familiar cheerful face back.

"Big Bro wants to talk to you now!" She giggled and bounded towards the kitchen.

"Hey, sorry to call out of the blue like that," Yosuke apologized even though he knew it wasn't necessary.

"No, I was really glad to hear from her. It's been too long. She's really excited for Golden Week."

Yosuke tried to imagine the position Souji was in right now, probably with the covers half in the floor with his pillow under his feet. No one would believe Yosuke unless they saw it for themselves, but Souji wasn't the most peaceful sleeper. Yosuke had often wondered why Souji even bothered to neatly roll up his futon every morning when he'd just destroy it later.

"Good, at least I'm getting some things right. You going to make dinner now? I think I interrupted Nanako-chan making her own." Yosuke could smell something wonderful from the kitchen.

"I will in a moment. I'm trying to repair my bed. Not a word. I know what you're thinking," Souji responded, and his voice grew low and threatening.

"Hey, you're not here to physically defend yourself. Whoever marries you is gonna have to strap you down... S _hutupIknowwhatyou'rethinkinganddon'teven_." Yosuke smacked a hand to his face and hoped Nanako didn't hear him.

Souji was still laughing as he responded, "I see what you imagine while we're talking. The girls were right, you are a pervert."

"Agh, enough, I'll text you later!" A normal person would have hung up, but Yosuke wanted to hear Souji's goodbye.

"Fine, fine. Tell Nanako-chan I said to have a good night. Try not to corrupt her, please."

Yosuke flipped the phone shut and smiled as he grumbled. What a jerk.

"Are you staying to eat? Dad won't be home for a few hours," Nanako asked after she poked her head around the corner. Her mood had greatly improved.

Yosuke looked at her and smiled. "That sounds awesome."

And it was almost like last year.

 ===

Once Dojima was dangerously close to home, Yosuke took it as his cue to leave. Dojima was still too intimidating for Yosuke to face alone, and Nanako needed to get ready for bed anyway. He rubbed both arms as he walked to his own house, regretting not bringing an extra jacket with him earlier.

"Ugh, the last thing I need is to get sick."

He admittedly had a terrible immune system, and blamed it on all the time he had to spend at Junes and that he needed more sunshine. Souji had been quick to point out that it had been a baseless accusation against the 'honorable' Junes. Yosuke had punched his arm in response.

The teen unlocked the front door and stepped inside the warm house, thankful that the walk from Dojima's wasn't too far. "I'm home," he called out quietly, hoping to avoid his parents.

"Welcome home. Who was the girl you were walking with?" His father looked up from his paper he reading in the other room.

He had really terrible luck with that today.

"Oh, just a girl I'm talking to. Nothing serious," Yosuke couldn't help but feel good saying that to his dad. Takehaya Susano-o seemed to disagree.

"Hmm good, but don't let it get in the way of your studies and work." He returned to reading.

It might have appeared dismissive to any other person, but that was generally how Yosuke's father expressed approval. It was nice to not hear a daily scolding from his father recently.

"How did you—"

"Left early today."

"Oh."

Yosuke stood there for a few minutes before awkwardly turning for the stairs and heading for his room. He groaned remembering he had a test coming up and a mountain of homework that had piled up all too quickly. Ever since Souji had pushed him to do better with his work, Yosuke had thought about college and possibly going with Souji there. It was an exciting thought, the two of them reunited and going on crazy new adventures without worrying about an angry text from a family member complaining about curfew. Twenty questions was not Yosuke's favorite game.

However, Yosuke wasn't even sure what he'd want to focus on, much less what he'd do with the rest of his life. He enjoyed music and battling shadows, but music was too risky and he somehow figured there was no major involving shadow elimination.

He lifted his headphones off carefully and set them down next to his bed. What about this girl? Ume was a nice girl—naïve, but nice.  What was he supposed to tell her down the road, though? That all his friends had formed a team to take a murderer down? That they jumped in TVs and battled with Personas? Have conversations about Shadows and mysterious powers? Takehaya Susano-O swirled restlessly in Yosuke's mind. and any other time Yosuke would have been happy to feel his presence.

All he could feel was disapproval.

"Bah, this is why I hate thinking about this stuff." He shrugged off his school jacket and gathered his bed clothes before heading for the bathroom.

He could already feel his bones beginning to ache.

 ===

"Achoo!"

Chie pulled a book up to guard her face. "Yosuke, why are you even here!? You should be in quarantine. At least wear a mask!"

Yosuke looked up with dead eyes."Was gonna be late... I didn't have time to find one. Ugh, this sucks."

Yukiko scooted as far away as she was able. "Were you out last night?"

"Not with that girl, I hope!" Chie snapped, but maintained her original position.

"Geez, are you guys going to be like this every time? No. I went to see Nanako-chan and left a little late. It's just a cold. I'll be fine once the medicine kicks in," Yosuke snapped and pulled his hood from his second jacket around to cover his mouth.

"Yeah right, you stay sick longer than anyone I know. You should eat better, cause it'd probably help you." Chie's advice rang loudly in Yosuke's ears and he grimaced.

"Please stop talking. I can't handle the abuse today," Yosuke begged.

"Go. Home. Or at least visit the nurse, just get away from us. It's almost Golden Week and I am not gonna spend it sick!"

Yosuke let his head hit the desk. "Dammit, I forgot about that."

"You better not get Souji sick when he gets here! Maybe he should stay with his uncle—"

"No." Yosuke jerked his head up and glared at her. "I'll be fine by Sa-Sunday."

"Geez, you can't even get the day right. You better remember to at least be at the station, it'd be awkward for us to have to walk him to your house."

Luckily, Chie's lack of faith in Yosuke's memory helped him in this case, and soon after the teacher came in the room.

_i want to die partner. omg i hate being sick._

Yosuke knew he was being a whiny baby, but he liked the attention he got.

_I'm sorry. Did you go to school?_

_can't afford not to. gotta do well this year if i have any hopes of passing the entrance exams._

_Don't push yourself. I'll make you something when I get there Saturday, just take it easy._

_eh i've gotta work at junes tonight. school is the least of my problems. thinking about your food makes me feel a little better though._

_I hope I don't disappoint, but you should really request to take the evening off._

_you never do. i'd love to see the look on my dad's face. i'll take passing out in an aisle before that. you feeling better today?_

_Much better, thanks. I didn't get any death glares walking into class today. I think people are forgetting about Rise visiting. I guess they've moved on to the next 'big scandal' by now. Fine with me._

_that's good. any new episodes?_

_Not since the other day. I'm not sure how long that'll last._

_hopefully they're done. class is finally starting, text you at lunch._

Yosuke looked up at the teacher and tried to focus on what he was rambling on about, but all his mind could think of was what Souji was going to make later on that week. He'd just have to make it a little longer.

 ===

**A few days later...**

**===**

"Two minutes," Yosuke whispered as he paced up and down the station platform. He finally caved and flipped his hood up to protect his cheeks from the cold. "You _had_ to pick the latest train."

Yosuke was pleasantly surprised at how quickly Saturday had arrived, but he still hadn't shaken his cold. It didn't matter though, because the adrenaline from the anticipation of seeing his partner was overcoming the shakes and pains. He'd used the illness to keep Ume at bay, but he'd still found the strength to work at Junes and energy to get ahead on all his remaining homework. In the past, he'd milked it for all it was worth to get out of manual labor and school, but now he felt like he had a goal to work towards. College had been a thought that was stored in the edges of his mind; something that was a given to attempt, but he'd never seriously entertained the possibility of attending one.

"Yasoinaba. Now stopping at Yasoinaba."

If it hadn't been for the stinging cold Yosuke would have thought it was a crazy dream, but there he was, getting off the train lugging a single bag.

"Hey. Sorry it's so late. I couldn't fi—"

Yosuke practically tackled Souji against the train. "Partner, it's so awesome to see you! Dude, I can't believe it's you!"

Had it really only been a little over a month?

Souji attempted to return the hug with his free arm. "I'm glad to see you too. Thanks for meeting me."

"It's totally fine, I told you I would." Yosuke stepped back and grabbed Souji's bag. "Come on, let's drop this off really quick. Parents were fine with you getting here early."

"Should you be overexerting yourself like this? You're still sick..."

"I'm always like this when I get sick, I'll live," Yosuke insisted and spun around while trying to maintain his balance and to give off the impression that he wasn't dizzy. "Nothing like the life or death situations we used to face. This is easy."

"Right, well I'll be carrying this regardless," Souji negotiated, stepping behind his partner and reaching his arm around to retrieve his bag. "Thank you, though."

Yosuke felt his face grow even hotter feeling Souji's breath catch the top of his ear. "Ah, let's just get to the house. How'd you put it before? You're too stubborn and I'm too exhausted." He took longer strides.

"Sounds about right," Souji replied with a chuckle and quickened his pace to match Yosuke's.

"Yeah, I know." Yosuke elbowed Souji's side and laughed along with him.

Everything felt right in the world again.

"So, what'd you wanna talk to me about?"


	7. Chapter 7

"Indeed, but we should probably be sitting somewhere private," Souji suggested and looked at the random groups of people populating the streets even this late at night, most likely due to Golden Week.

Yosuke nodded and checked the time on his phone. "Well, by the time we get everything to the house it should be quieter out here."

Souji looked over at Yosuke again and smiled seeing part of a June's uniform not hidden by his jacket. "Come straight from work?"

"Of course. Dad's condition for tonight. The man can't just give a straight yes or no, there's always a catch," Yosuke grumbled, taking off his jacket to remove the apron. "I hate this damn thing. I always forget it."

Souji felt a twinge of guilt. "I'm sorry, I didn't want you to have to work then be out this late. I'd have waited until tomo—"

"Stop. Don't. You didn't hold a gun to my head to make the decision. I wanted you to get here as soon as possible and if it meant working for five hours stocking shelves I think I can somehow make that sacrifice," Yosuke said and winked, his signature sarcasm present again. "Besides, you're going to be making the same sacrifices this week, partner."

"I can hardly wait," Souji replied with his own smile and bumped his shoulder against Yosuke's, briefly surprised at how close he already was.

It was nice. Like he'd never left.

"Dude, I cannot believe you're back! Seriously, I was starting to wonder there for a minute if I was going to have to make good on my word and have Nanako-chan call your mother," he joked and Souji couldn't help but shamelessly stare.

Yosuke was here. Souji could literally reach out and touch him. He'd imagined his friend's smiling face while they'd talked over the phone and through text messages, but seeing him in the flesh was a reminder of how wonderful and difficult this week was going to be.

"You okay?" Yosuke tilted his head, a half-smile tugging at his lips.

"Sorry, just have a lot on my mind and the long trip didn't help. Although the uniform does explain the lack of messages," Souji teased.

Yosuke rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, I kinda predicted your reaction. Figured I would leave you in suspense rather than make you feel bad the whole way here. You're weird like that." He looked down at the ground before continuing. "I guess this is gonna be a heavy talk, huh?"

"More than you know."

"Geez, partner, sounds like you're breaking up with me or something," Yosuke chuckled nervously, without realizing the effect his joke would have on Souji.

"Ah, uh..." Souji felt flustered and hoped the night would hide his newly red face. "Sorry, maybe I am overdramatizing it. I guess it just matters how you're going to interpret it."

Yosuke must have decided that Souji hadn't received his comment well. "I was just messing with you. I promise I'm ready for whatever. Judgment free!"

"Thanks. I know you mean it." Souji turned to him, giving a gentle smile he reserved solely for his partner.

"Heh, y-yeah." Yosuke's eyes drifted towards the sky.

The remainder of the walk consisted of Yosuke coughing and them gossiping about what the group had been up to since they no longer spent all their free time investigating a bizarre murder case. As usual, Souji mostly let Yosuke do the talking, and it was nice to hear his voice not filtered through the static of a phone. Once they arrived, Souji recognized the familiar quiet of a vacant house.

"Parents are out a little later tonight, but it's still not safe to talk here. No telling when they'll get back. Stereotypical parents, not informing their child when they'll return so they can catch them in the act of something terrible," Yosuke said with a shrug, only half-joking.

"Makes sense. Can't say I wouldn't do something similar." Although Souji imagined his idea of 'something terrible' was a bit more extreme than Yosuke's.

"You would say that."

Thankfully, Souji had one bag filled with only the essentials so it was much lighter to carry than his first stay in Inaba. Yosuke had insisted he could borrow anything he needed to prevent Souji from struggling with the luggage on the train. It was comforting to be in Yosuke's room again, and Souji could tell he'd tried to tidy up.

"Catch the cleaning bug?"

Yosuke snorted, "Hardly. Don't move anything around too much, who knows what will come tumbling out."

"Like 'the goods'?"

"Shut the hell up, dude," Yosuke hissed and smacked his friend's arm playfully. "Your memory is ridiculous, I swear."

As pleased as their jokes made him feel, Souji knew he couldn't avoid this any longer. "Well, let's get going before it gets too late. Unless you still wanted to have a late night adventure despite the approval from your parents? I'd advise against it with your cold."

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna back down on that. No sense in killing myself the first day you're back, right?" Yosuke nodded and popped a cough drop. "Lead the way."

 ===

Souji had decided the shrine in the Central Shopping District would be quiet and that it was the least likely place they'd be disturbed. Luckily for Yosuke, it was a short enough walk that he didn't feel fatigued.

"Alright, lay it on me," Yosuke stated, shoving his hands in his pockets and sitting down on a stone step.

Souji placed a hand inside the inner part of his coat and stopped briefly. "A few days ago, I received a letter..."

 ===

**Three days earlier...**

**===**

"Souji, there's something on the table for you!" His mother's message carried down the hall, and could be heard over the music Souji was playing.

"You know you can't drown me out with his playlists," the voice he'd now grown accustomed to called from Souji's bed.

He'd learned that the best way to deal with his new tormentor was to ignore him most of the time, replying only when he started to grow violent. However, this was rather precarious when Souji was in school or around his parents.

"This is boring." His Shadow rolled over and jumped up, following Souji down the hall.

No one else seemed to be able see or hear his Shadow, but he also couldn't disturb the people around Souji. The hallucinations and dreams had calmed down for the most part, and his other self only seemed to enter his dreams when Souji was in a more distressed state. Souji had made it a habit to end his evenings with a phone conversation with Yosuke which seemed to suppress any intrusions.

The Shadow was now at the front door, looking down at the 'something' in question. "Ooo, it's a letter. Who could it be from?" He moved to look over Souji's shoulder while he turned the envelope over.

"What...?" Souji's eyes widened and he almost dropped the letter.

"Oh, it's from _him_. Looks like this evening isn't going to be boring after all," the Shadow chuckled and grinned wicked at Souji. "I wonder if he's writing to confirm what you already know..."

Souji whipped his left arm and watched his reflection flicker and appear back in the hallway, same amused expression present.

"Come on, let's see what it has to say. Maybe you guys can become pen pals," he remarked and turned to head back for Souji's room.

The letter was heavy in Souji's hand and he turned it over to the front again.

"Adachi..."

There was no questioning that it was from the former detective, but Souji was alarmed with how Adachi had obtained his address seeing as how he was incarcerated in one of the strictest prisons the country had.

"From anyone you know?" His mother looked over from the couch.

"Used to know. No one important." It was best to keep his mother in the dark on this one.

"Well, don't be rude just because you don't talk anymore. Make sure you write back! Who knows, it might rekindle a friendship," she advised.

The only response Souji could have replied with honestly would have been something that would create a lot of questions he wasn't going to answer. Dojima had thankfully kept quiet about the events that had transpired in Inaba, and other than the basics of the case, Souji's parents were in the dark. They definitely didn't know the group had 'assisted' the police with the matter.

Souji returned to his desk and stared at the envelope for some time, wondering if he should just burn it and be ignorant of the contents forever.

"Come on. Open the damn thing, you're _dying_ to know what's inside."

Suddenly the letter opener was in Souji's hand and the envelope unsealed.

"What deep, dark confessions might the once treasured Adachi have in store for us? You know, this is pretty convenient! After all, one of the things we've yet to cover is your overwhelming fear that you're—"

"Enough. I know."

"Then if you don't want to hear it, _read the damn letter_ ," his Shadow hissed in Souji's ear and went back to the bed.

The paper was thin, barely worn which indicated to Souji that Adachi didn't carry it with him for very long. Apparently he hadn't agonized over how to compose the wording.

_Hey kid,_

_I bet you're pretty confused, this coming out of the blue, right? 'How did he get my address?', 'What does the big, bad **murderer** have in store for me?', 'What on Earth could he want?'. Hit anything on the head yet?_

Adachi's handwriting showed his hand had been completely steady, and not a single word looked like it had been crossed out.

_See, I was curious about something, and it's been eating at me for a while. After all, it's not like I have anything else to do in this place. Besides be harassed for being a past detective. Who knew that rooming with the people you helped put away would make for such an uncomfortable experience?_

His bitter tone was making Souji sick. The Shadow just smirked knowingly.

_You'd think I'd have more time for pleasantries in this letter like, 'How's Nanako?', 'Dojima still the same pain in the ass?', 'You brats still trying to pretend you're all innocent heroes?'. The guards that audit these letters don't want to read that crap though, so I'll skip the majority._

The sight of Nanako's name enraged Souji and he wrinkled the sides of the note, his nails almost breaking the paper as his grip tightened.

_No, what I wanted to know is how is that little head of yours? I've noticed a few things in the time I've been sitting here, bored out of my mind. I can't speak for Namatame, but I've started to experience some pretty interesting things. Tell me, how's that Shadow of yours doing? You know, the one you never got to meet?_

Souji felt his limbs start to go numb with shock at the words, but he shook his head and held the feeling at bay.

_The way I figure it, you should be seeing some of the same stuff as me at this point. Did you honestly think we got to be 'special' without penalty? Knowing your self-righteous attitude I can only imagine the answer is a resounding 'Yes.'. Humans don't get touched by a God or Goddess without some fucked up shit happening. Just a guess though, because it's not like there've been any case studies on the subject._

_I'm writing to make you an offer, because I think I have some information that you'll be quite interested in. Without giving too much away, it might just be the answers to all the questions you've no doubt got. However, I know how little you trust me, but I am also willing to bet you're more curious than you are cautious. Here are the terms: you come see me, alone, we have a little chat **and** we continue our little letter writing back and forth. See? It's that simple. I'm not asking for your first born or anything—I just want your presence and time. Is there any way I can convince you my intentions are pure? Absolutely not, and why would they be? So, you'll just have to take a leap of faith, but think of what you could gain, kid._

_My advice would be to keep this proposition a secret, but knowing you, you'll probably run to your little sheep and ask their opinion. You've got the address and I've given you clearance to see me. You might even get to find out how I got Mommy and Daddy's address._

_The choice is yours,_

_Tohru Adachi_

Souji stared off into nothingness, processing the words, trying not to panic.

"What an interesting turn of events. Luckily the guards already think he's nuts so this shouldn't change too much. What will you do? Think about what _they_ will think! I can't wait to see _his_ face! Because you've already decided to tell _him_. The second you saw the address you made that decision. But... we already know what we're going to do, don't we? I wonder what a prison looks like, even just the visiting area. You're going to really disappoint Yosuke; after all, he'd insist the two of you could work through all your problems together. You don't believe in him... do you?"

"Shut your damn mouth." Souji put his face in both hands and tried to access his options, limited as they were.

The longer he waited, the less likely he was to act, but was that really the best choice?

"Stop stalling. Tell Yosuke your decision and get it over with. Maybe he can forgive you, but he'll never understand. You kind of mourn the loss of the Adachi you knew, right?"

Souji took a deep breath. "Yes. It's not liked we wished for things to turn out the way they did."

"Humph, you're no fun today," his Shadow whined.

"I won't fall for your traps."

"And you can't trick me. Just because you think you're invulnerable doesn't mean you can convince me of that. Besides, you really do have _a lot_ of questions. Imagine if Adachi could save you and Yosuke couldn't! What would that possibly mean? It would make sense, you're both just alike, aren't you?"

The words had finally been said, one of the few things Souji had been avoiding all this time.

He scrambled to carefully deflect the accusation while trying to not outright deny it. "Wouldn't anyone be ashamed of becoming like him?"

"You aren't _becoming_ anything, though," The sentence cut Souji like nothing had so far.

Before Souji could respond the front door opened and closed and muffled voices were heard from the living room.

The Shadow followed Souji's eyes to the noise. "Go on, play the perfect son. Better for them to think that than know the truth."

===

**Present**

**===**

"A letter? That's harmless enough," Yosuke said and seemed relieved.

Souji had been nervous about the confession, but now he was wishing that the nature of the conversation hadn't changed to this.

He couldn't keep eye contact. "Just read it."

Souji took it from his pocket and extended it towards his friend, holding it tightly for a moment when Yosuke started to take it. "You're... going to have a lot of questions, and I'll do my best to answer every one of them, but—"

"You don't have to defend yourself, partner," Yosuke assured him and gently tugged at the letter, releasing it from Souji's grasp. "I don't think anything could surprise me after what we went through."

Souji's face twisted in a mixture of worry and disgust with himself. "I would wait before making that call."

He hadn't kept the letter in the envelope, but he knew once Yosuke read the greeting he'd know all too well who the sender was. Sure enough, Yosuke's eyes grew wide and his expression turned furious moments after opening it. Surprisingly though, his friend didn't make any comments while he read, his face just changed from one emotion to another.

After several minutes, Yosuke placed the paper in his lap and stared at the stone steps in front of him. Souji wanted to start spouting reassurances and ask a dozen questions himself, but he kept completely still and silent. Yosuke finally spoke after what seemed like ages.

"What is he talking about, Souji?" He looked up, eyes red and puffy, but not from his sickness. "What's really going on? What does he mean by your Shadow?"

Souji flinched and drew back, knowing this conversation wasn't going to go well, but no rehearsal could have prepared him for the hurt and betrayal he heard in Yosuke's voice.

"What have you been keeping from me?"

It was like Souji had forgotten basic language skills, and when he opened his mouth to explain, nothing came out.

"Do you not trust me?" The darkness did not hide the glint coming from Yosuke's cheeks.

"Of course I do!" Souji found a response, a little louder than he'd anticipated, but an answer none the less.

" _Then what the hell_?" Yosuke snapped this time.

"I couldn't... I mean... I didn't know how to... How could I explain it? It was hard enough to try and make sense of the hallucinations, let alone seeing my... Shadow," Souji managed to choke out.

"What? Think I couldn't help you? Out of the two of us I think I have a little more experience with facing the things." Yosuke was standing now, his stance defensive.

"No, I just"—he couldn't be dishonest any more—"didn't want you to think less of me. I was afraid you would think I couldn't handle it. I was seeing my Shadow outside of the TV, and _none_ of us have experience with that. We can't summon our Personas here, and now I've got more symptoms than I can distinguish. It feels like I'm developing a new one every day. Some diminish, some grow stronger, others go away altogether, but two remain constant. My Shadow and now..."

These words were the absolute hardest.

Yosuke didn't appreciate the delay and repeated, "And now?"

Souji looked at his partner with a look of agony that could have only challenged with the night he'd almost Nanako.

"I can't feel my Personas."

It wasn't something that had happened slowly. Souji simply woke up the next morning after Adachi's letter to silence. There were no mummers from them, no feelings of warmth and comfort, just a void. He tried calling Them, inflicting 'harmless' pain on himself to summon at least Izanagi and even asking his Shadow in a desperate attempt to get an answer. He had received laughter and one day without his other self, more than likely a different way to make Souji suffer.

Yosuke's tone and face immediately changed to horror. "You mean... You can't even feel Izanagi?"

"No," Souji's voice wavered as he spoke, "There's just... nothing."

Although the others had mentioned their Personas weren't as active as Souji's, they still felt a faint presence. The day that Yosuke had mentioned Takehaya Susano-O, it had only been a surprise because he'd communicated with Yosuke instead of being a soundless fixture in his mind.

Souji cleared his throat to steady his words, "But I have a theory that maybe if we went into the TV I could find some answers."

"Agreed, to hell with asking _him_ ," Yosuke finished.

"Well, I want to try this for now. I won't rule out Adachi, but I'll to go him only as a last resort. I don't like the idea either, but if it means the chance of gaining my Personas and sanity back, I'll risk it," Souji carefully explained, and embraced for the impact he expected from Yosuke.

Yosuke merely averted his eyes. "He's playing you. He never does anything selflessly."

Souji was shocked that Yosuke hadn't exploded or at least punched him, but he could still sense the contained rage. "Yosuke... I know. Like I said, this is if _all else fails_. I don't want to give him the advantage, and before you ask, I did not respond to the letter."

"Tell me about your Shadow."

Yosuke was clearly done talking about Adachi.

Souji complied. "Basically I see him no matter what the circumstance. I could be in school or eating dinner with my parents."

"Is he... Is he here right now?" Yosuke looked around him.

Souji assumed it was just a nervous reflex. "Not right now, and no one can see or hear him but me. At least in our world... The TV might be a completely different story. That, or he isn't real and you should save me some time and lock me up too."

That was the wrong thing to say.

"Don't fucking talk like you're him!" Yosuke jerked back and grabbed Souji's shoulder, clutching it painfully.

"Sorry... I just don't have a lot of confidence in myself at the moment. There's also that night—the one where you had to call Dojima. Generally, the Shadow just talks or does minor things to annoy me, but that was the only night he's ever assaulted me. At least, that's the only explanation I can come up with. I had no bruises, but everything was so real," Souji finally admitted, and paused to see if Yosuke had more questions.

"So, that night..." Yosuke's grip relaxed as he trailed off, but his hand remained. "This is crazy. I guess we'll all get together and—"

"No. The others can't know. You, I trust to handle the news, but the others... I'm not so sure. I'm not trying to sound arrogant, but—"

"And I get it. Could be considered a morale killer, but it's going to be dangerous if it's just us though."

"I know. I don't like the idea either. To be honest I'm hoping that since the other side has become peaceful we'll encounter little resistance."

Yosuke sighed and released Souji's arm completely now. "Look, I'm not usually the one to be the voice of reason, but look at the facts. We haven't trained in months, our old weapons were returned to Daidara's and as much as I'm taking what you said as a compliment—and don't take this to as an insult... You have no Personas. Our edge is kind of lost, dude. Not trying to hate on myself, and Takehaya Susano-O is powerful, but I'm just one person. If I'm fighting it'll be difficult for me to heal, and you can't exactly take a hit from a Shadow, let alone _your_ Shadow. If we fight, we're going to need help, partner. The thought of... I don't-I mean."—Yosuke looked away again—"I can't lose you."

Before Souji could think about what he was doing his arms were around the other teen.

"Ah! What are you—"

"You're right... I'm sorry. I'm just going to need a few days to figure out how to tell them... But I know we don't have that luxury," he apologized, but didn't let go.

The damage was done, and Souji was going to enjoy the feeling of holding Yosuke for as long as he could. To the teen's surprise, he felt trembling arms surround him, Yosuke's hands tugging at the fabric at the back Souji's jacket.

"Don't keep anything from me again. You didn't have to deal with this alone. I told you that the night you called me, and I know I fucked up, but I meant it. Partners means something, got it?" Yosuke's forehead had moved to Souji's shoulder to no doubt hide his face.

"Heh, you're right. I promise I won't don't this again. Same goes for you."

Yosuke's laughter rumbled against Souji. "You got it."

After a few more minutes Yosuke finally broke the embrace and stumbled back, obviously realizing their 'compromising' position.

"W-well, let the investigation begin... tomorrow. Let's get me some medicine and go to bed, I think I'm starting to feel a little weird," he stammered an excuse to cover up his awkwardness and turned his back to Souji's humored expression, marching down the stairs.

"Always the surprise, isn't he?" A disapproving voice came from the shrine.

Souji didn't even turn, knowing who he'd see, because for tonight he was going to enjoy the freedom of having divulged _almost_ everything to his best friend. For the first time in days, Souji didn't feel empty or alone, and he could worry about what the rest of the week had in store, tomorrow. For now, he'd follow his partner home, using Yosuke's embarrassment as an excuse to hang back and observe.


	8. Chapter 8

When the two returned to Yosuke's home it was close to three in the morning. They tiptoed up the stairs to Yosuke's room—careful not to wake either parent—and shut the door with a barely audible click.

"I cannot wait to chug medicine and pass out, seriously, I feel like my head is gonna pop from all this pressure." Yosuke slid out of his jacket and grabbed for the bottle on his dresser.

Souji had an amused grin. "Better double the dosage, I imagine our talk outside ruined whatever hard work you've put into recovering."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm tougher than that." Yosuke stared at the medicine and took another gulp.

As his partner started changing Yosuke suddenly grew self-conscious and turned away. It shouldn't have mattered, they'd both seen most of the other, so why was his shirtless friend making him feel so uneasy?

"You okay?"

"Y-yeah, sorry," Yosuke's voice squeaked. "Just trying to not cough all over you, heh."

"Oh."

How was he going to do this? He'd eventually have to put on pajamas, and how was he going to do that? Thanks to the paper thin walls, and his undeniable clumsiness, he'd wake up his parents if he changed in the bathroom, and he couldn't exactly ask Souji to leave the room. How bizarre would that be? 'Hey, can you step outside? I know I didn't give a crap before, but now I'm a little shy.'. He slid a hand down his face in frustration and bit his bottom lip. How could he get out of this?

"Yosuke?"

The embarrassed teen slowly turned, with one eye practically closed, and saw that Souji had finished.

"You need me to make some tea for your throat? I don't think I'll make enough noise to disturb your mother or father." Souji looked concerned, casually grabbing for the medicine and reading the back. "Junes' brand. I tried this with Nanako last year and it didn't really help. This probably won't do much to soothe your cough, let alone help you get better. "

Salvation.

"That would be great. Thanks, partner."

He watched as Souji walked out of the room, impressed at how silent he was when walking down the stairs; Yosuke knew he'd have somehow tripped down them and startled the neighborhood. He took those precious minutes and threw his pajamas on, and hoped that the rest of the week wasn't going to be as awkward as this. It was definitely not normal to be so concerned with his friend's body (just thinking the words made him cringe), but Yosuke simply decided it had to be because Souji was just in better shape. Yosuke had certainly lost most of his muscle in the past few months, and who wouldn't feel weird about that?

After some time, Souji returned with a mug that smelled bitter even from across the room.

"Ugh, what is that?" Yosuke covered his nose, somehow able to distinguish the pungent odor despite his congestion.

"A bit of this, a bit of that. If you can smell it then it's already working. Drink it," Souji ordered as he extended the cup.

Yosuke begrudgingly grabbed it. "I hope it tastes better than it smells."

"It doesn't."

"Fantastic." Yosuke blew on it for a moment and took a sip. "Geez, I don't even—what is this?"

"It's going to fix you. Drink." Souji crossed his arms and shifted his weight to one leg.

Yosuke glared and slowly drank the 'tea', each facial expression more disgusted than the last. Once he'd finished, Souji took the empty mug and smiled at him, his satisfaction very apparent.

"If I don't wake up tomorrow they'll know who to blame." Yosuke kept a hand over his mouth, hoping to keep the drink down. "Please say you didn't give this to Nanako-chan."

"I did, and she didn't complain, so don't be dramatic. I'll cook the soup for you tomorrow, which will taste better, I promise." He started for the door.

Yosuke looked at his messy bed and his couch. Souji would have to sleep on one, and although Yosuke had meant for him to sleep on the couch, the futon was better suited for Souji's sleeping habits.

"Hey, maybe you should take my bed and I'll sleep on the couch," Yosuke remarked once Souji had returned.

"You don't have to. The couch is fine."

"No, considering how you are, I think the futon is the best choice."

"Ha. Ha," Souji responded dryly.

Yosuke smirked and started folding the couch out. "Just protecting my electronics. They're closer here than there." He gestured from the couch to the bed, respectively. "Sorry, but I didn't get a chance to wash the sheets. I can try and switch for the ones I had planned for you to use on the couch if you'd like—"

"No, no need to do that," Souji answered, almost too quickly.

"Oh, well, um... cool." Yosuke raised an eyebrow but dropped it.

"You need to get in bed and go to sleep. We can figure out how to adjust everything tomorrow if need be."

Ah, that made sense.

Once they'd gotten settled, Yosuke's drowsiness finally hit him full force. After a while he rubbed his eyes, starting to feel dizzy and funny. He wanted to try and start processing the conversation they had just shared, but he couldn't sort through more than a few thoughts at a time. Adachi. Souji's Shadow. Souji's _PERSONAS_. It was so much. It was too much for his feeble brain.

"You alright?" He heard Souji half whisper from across the room.

"Mmm, yeah, just... bleh." Everything was starting to go in and out of focus.

"Wake me up if you need me."

"Thanks"—a yawn—"partner."

===

_"Yosuke, what the heck happened to your face!?" Chie smacked both hands against Yosuke's cheeks._

_"Ow! Dammit Chie!" He jerked back and gently rubbed the now throbbing bruises._

_How was he going to explain these?_

_"You look like someone kicked the crap outta you, Senpai." Kanji raised an eyebrow and stared incredulously at Yosuke._

_"Ugh, I don't want to talk about it."_

_It was none of their business. How could they ever get it?_

_"We should heal you today when we enter the TV," Yukiko concluded and turned towards the entrance of the classroom. "I wonder where—oh gosh."_

_Souji strode in as if it were the most normal thing in the world, one eye discolored and the other almost swollen shut._

_Chie gasped, "Did you two—I mean—there's  no way!"_

_The group had taken a step back and looked between the two best friends._

_Yosuke's face turned a color that matched Yukiko's sweater. "I think I'll take you up on that offer, Yukiko."_

_Souji smiled and took his seat in front of Yosuke. "I made them, the least I can do is fix them myself."_

_Why did Yosuke's stomach betray him every time Souji said something ridiculous like that?_

_"Yeah, yeah. Same here, partner." Yosuke waved a hand to dismiss the conversation. "And you guys can just keep the questions to yourselves."_

_They did._

_===_

Yosuke felt a faint nudge against his shoulder and was gently pulled away from the nostalgic dream. As the colors and light from his room pierced his swollen eyes, he was suddenly aware of the accuracy of Souji warning. His condition had grown more severe after last night. His throat felt dry and cracked from breathing through his mouth during the night, and he flailed an arm in the direction of the table next to him to grab a water bottle he'd left there the previous day.

"Morning."

Yosuke downed the remainder of the water and groaned, "I'm dead. There's no way I'm not."

"You've mentioned. I think over the past couple days you've claimed that half a dozen times. You look good for a dead guy." Souji walked over and stood at the end of the couch, facing Yosuke with his arms crossed. "It's almost noon, you know? We need to get ingredients for the soup."

"Shit, is it really that late? I am sorry, partner." Yosuke shot up and grabbed the side of the table. His body was not prepared for the sudden shift in position. "So much for making the most of the break, huh?"

Souji handed him some tissues, obviously already anticipating the drainage that followed shortly. "No, you needed rest. Besides, I checked my scores to see the damage. I see Ted renamed my profiles," he commented and grabbed Yosuke's hand to help pull him up, keeping a tight hold until his friend was steady.

"Heh, yeah, 'Sensei' was it?"

"Indeed."

Although Yosuke was able to stand without crumpling to the ground, he enjoyed the nice contrast of his friend's warm hand versus his cold, clammy one. He was tempted to give him the other one, but it was holding a snot covered tissue and he decided against it.

"Need help getting ready?" Souji asked, quite serious.

"Dude, you can't say stuff like that so deadpan. You're not the best at delivering jokes," Yosuke answered awkwardly, and laughed while pulling his hand back reluctantly.

"Hmm, was it though?" Souji smirked.

"Pfft, I'm not crippled." He rolled his eyes in response, but felt his ears start burning.

Thankfully, Souji was already dressed and left the room to make the two something small before they left for Junes. After Yosuke finished he grabbed his phone to see two new messages. Both from Ume.

_Good morning, I hope you're feeling better! Let me know if I can get you anything. :)_

and

_Forgot to mention, I hope you have fun with Seta-Senpai. Maybe you can introduce us one day this week, but I won't push it. :) I know you two never see each other._

He'd seen her once or twice before Souji had arrived, but it was like once his partner had stepped off the train, he'd completely forgotten about the girl.

_dunno, depends on how the week goes. i feel alright, thanks for asking._

Polite messages for the day were out of the way and, unless she was kidnapped or something, he could focus on spending time with Souji. He winced at his rather harsh (and ironic) thought, but dismissed it quickly and grabbed a few cough drops before heading downstairs.

"Wow, I missed your food. Like, I know it's just eggs, but I can't even manage those most days." Yosuke stood behind Souji and looked down at the pan. "I'm gonna get so fat this week."

"I see what you keep me around for," Souji joked and grabbed two plates, still remembering the layout of the Hanamura kitchen. "You're breathing through your nose again."

Despite his earlier state, Yosuke took a few deep breaths and was pleasantly surprised. "Dude, you're right. Looks like your Mystery Tea X is working."

His partner's face grew annoyed. "Don't lump me in with that group. Mystery X foods kill, not help." He scooped Yosuke's portion of eggs on a plate and handed it off to him. "At least you'll be able to taste now."

"Thanks to you." Yosuke sat down and watched Souji cross the room. "Sorry to pass out so quickly last night."

"Hmm? It's fine, but I thought we covered this earlier." Souji chuckled and gestured for Yosuke to eat.

There it was again. That ridiculous 'hmm'. "Yeah, yeah. I'm not sure if Ted is going to be working today or not, but if he is I guarantee your early arrival won't stay a secret."

"I tried dialing his number and it says it's out of the service area. I imagine that means he is in his world." Souji seemed pleased with his conclusion.

"Good thinking. We'll let the others know tomorrow, I guess," he responded, trying to not sound disappointed, but fatigue wasn't working in his favor.

It was pathetic and unlike him. Why was he acting so possessive? He felt like he'd repeated that Souji was allowed to have other friends a million times—hell, it hadn't mattered before, but he couldn't help but wonder if it was more because of Souji going to the city and less because of his friends in Inaba. What if Souji decided he didn't need them once there was more to compare them to? As much as he'd like to pretend otherwise, distance did deteriorate relationships faster, and even though his old friends couldn't even be judged against his friendship with Souji... It still hurt.

Not to mention he'd been struggling with the change in his friend, but now he began to wonder if it was because of the hallucinations that started to plague him. Souji had been pretty vague with the details of when they'd started, but that line of reasoning still didn't sit well with Yosuke. No, it had to be something else.

"Hey, Yosuke, you there?"

Yosuke jumped slightly in his seat only to see his partner uncomfortably close to his face. He had leaned across the table and placed the underside of his wrist against Yosuke's forehead, their noses practically touching.

"You feel warm, but I don't think your fever is too bad. We'll have to find a thermometer at Junes too—oh, maybe I spoke too soon." Souji kept his position. "You do seem warmer now."

Yosuke practically fell out of his chair pulling back. "I'm fine! Ugh, you just surprised me. You're worse than my mom, geez." He'd be lying if he said it wasn't nice to be doted on though.

"Ah, I see. Sorry about that." Souji had an unreadable expression. Yosuke hated those.

"It's okay, you were just worried. Seriously, we're still gonna have to work on your social skills. Personal space should be lesson one." It wasn't as though he disliked it, but Souji needed to understand that other people might not appreciate it. Then again, most of the girls probably would. However, as he took a moment to think about it, Yosuke had never seen Souji do this kind of stuff with anyone else.

"Finish up and let's go. I don't think you should be out for too long today."

"There it is again."

His partner grinned wickedly. "Consider me your nurse for the week."

Goddammit.

===

Yosuke spent the beginning part of their adventure to Junes peering around every corner. Teddie was notorious for just showing up to work—much to Yosuke's father's delight. He never argued with his workers asking for extra shifts.

"Well, if he's working today it's not in the grocery department." The sick teen let out a sigh of relief.

"You're worrying too much. Let's grab what we need." Souji placed a hand on the small of Yosuke's back and gave him a nudge towards the produce section.

Normally, Yosuke would have panicked and swatted at Souji, causing a scene that was more than a little unnecessary, but today he was going to blame his lack of action on being too damn exhausted.

He did, however, notice the slight discomfort on Souji's face. "What's up? You okay, partner?"

"Sorry, that obvious?" Souji questioned, a weak smile forming. "I guess I just feel bad for being here without Nanako. If I feel guilty about keeping my early arrival a secret, it would only be because I never told her."

Yosuke frowned and bumped against his friend's arm. "Hey, we'll see her tomorrow, before everyone else if you want. I know she'll love to see you. You can even make her breakfast and surprise her. I'm sure Dojima will be happy to eat something besides eggs and toast," he suggested, trying to offer some encouragement to  Souji, knowing that a million other things were dragging his friend down at the moment.

"I'd like that. Let's plan for that at as well," Souji replied, nodding and rearranging what little they'd picked up.

"It still impresses me that you even organize a damn basket when you shop."

Souji laughed before responding, "I like to have everything a certain way before it's scanned."

"Even if we're the ones bagging it? You know, I'm pretty skilled with that."

"Not as skilled as you seem to think."

Yosuke smacked his partner's arm gently and pretended to be horribly offended. It felt right, the two of them hanging out. There were no phone calls or texts to wait for. Everything was instantaneous again.

They perused the department to see if there was something they might want later on that evening. Souji would occasionally grab things he knew his friend hated, like tofu, but would only laugh and return the item after Yosuke grimaced. He wasn't about to tell Souji that he wouldn't eat something his friend made, but Yosuke also couldn't ask him to cook every meal for the remainder of the week; however, every snack Yosuke grabbed for was met with a light slap from the other teen, the reason offered was that he wouldn't get any better if he kept eating junk food.

"I'm not that delicate! Give me some credit here."

"I'm your nurse and I say no."

"Partner, I swear—"

"That's Nurse Partner."

" _Shut. The. Hell. Up_."

After the basket was practically overflowing, Souji decided they had everything (and probably more than) they needed. Yosuke almost called the visit a success until he heard a familiar voice all too close by.

"No worries, Miss Manager, I'm on it!"

"Oh shit! He's right there!" Yosuke hissed and stared at Teddie who was a few aisles behind them and quickly approaching.

He felt Souji grab his arm and in moments they were through a staff door and inside a nearby supply room. The fumes from the surrounding cleaners assaulted Yosuke's newly regained sense of smell and he covered his nose. Even if they did escape Ted, the room itself might make him pass out. Souji continued to lead him through the dark maze and finally settled in at the back of the room in a corner that was blocked by shelves and boxes. Moments later the door clicked open and light poured in. It was just their luck.

Souji had both hands resting against the wall and effectively trapped Yosuke between his arms. As the footsteps grew more distinct, Souji leaned even closer to his friend until all Yosuke could smell was Souji's soap and feel the heat from his neck. He wasn't sure if he was hearing the pounding of Souji's heart or his own. What the hell was happening?

They could hear Teddie humming and singing the Junes' theme to himself while he rummaged through different boxes, and Yosuke prayed that the cleaners would mask the scent of the two teens. Ted's nose was definitely not useful in this situation. Luckily, the surrounding clutter seemed to be shielding the two.

"Aha! Found it!"

Yosuke watched Teddie's shadow move along the wall as he walked back to the door, but stopped briefly.

"Oh shit!" he breathed, just knowing that they'd been caught.

"Shh." Souji moved a hand and covered Yosuke's mouth, moving his body even closer to silence the other teen's noises.

It had to be the fever creeping back up on him because Yosuke could feel his lightheadedness peak and he pushed both his arms back firmly against the wall to catch himself. Souji quickly looped his other free arm around Yosuke's waist and pulled him up, still keeping his hand over his friend's mouth. His headphones pushed painfully into his neck as his shoulders moved inward and he tried, unsuccessfully, to shift in Souji's arms. Despite his discomfort, the heat he felt from Souji caused a calmness to spread through him. Maybe he _was_ this weak. He needed that soup.

Teddie's footsteps resumed and Souji moved his hand away from Yosuke's face. "Yosuke, are you okay?" His voice was slightly panicked.

Yosuke used the remainder of his adrenaline to fuel his strength and pulled away from Souji. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just got dizzy for a second. You've got to stop freaking out and treating me like I'm gonna"—Souji's face changed to a hurt expression—"...You know, forget about it. Thanks, partner. Quick thinking."

Why was Yosuke taking everything so out of context? Why didn't Souji ever try and shut him up? He was always running his mouth without thinking in these tense situations. And how many times had Souji watched him almost die—or, in more than a few cases, barely revive him in time? He had a right to be protective. Yosuke couldn't say he wouldn't be acting the same way if he were in his best friend's place.

"Well, I guess... Let's check out." Souji looked right past Yosuke as he picked up the basket and started for the door.

And now Yosuke had fucked up. Why did he _always_ do this? Why couldn't he take five seconds and think before opening his big, dumb mouth? Why did Souji put up with him? Yosuke had often wondered how his best friend could let every negative thing that was said or done wash over him and come out unfazed; yet, when it came to Yosuke, even the slightest thing he did devastated his partner. His mind suddenly began to buzz, like a hive of bees had nested out of nowhere, and he started to curse at Takehaya Susano-o's now constant pestering.

Yosuke now angrily twisted his ring and contemplated knocking over every damn shelf.

He was a fucking coward.

===

After what seemed like the most uncomfortable walk home ever, the two of them arrived and Souji started prepping the meal. Meanwhile, Yosuke stood awkwardly off to the side and tried not to look like a wounded puppy. What could he possibly say to remedy what he had done to Souji earlier? He was infamous for being terrible with words.

"You think you can stir while I cut everything? It shouldn't take too much out of you," Souji requested, and looked over at him with the same familiar smile, as if the past couple hours had never happened.

And Yosuke wasn't going to question it. "Y-Yeah, no problem."

It was kind of nice, the two of them quietly working in the kitchen, and Yosuke thought more about how much fun it would be to live together during college. They were mostly used to each other's habits, and Yosuke wasn't completely worthless when it came to housework. If he could keep his mouth shut the two of them could probably coexist perfectly. It'd be nice to be with Souji every day instead of this distance between them.

Yosuke dropped the spoon into the pot as soon as he realized what his thought implied. Souji seemed to notice, and he swiftly stepped behind Yosuke to check on his friend's condition.

"Oh, I thought you had burned yourself." Souji grabbed another spoon and fished the previous one out.

"S-sorry, spaced out." Yosuke saw the other teen's mouth start to open in protest. "I can stir. Don't."

Souji chuckled and turned around, starting his prep work again. "If you say so."

Yosuke returned to what had startled him in the first place. He kept thinking back to how all his recent thoughts had been focused on continuing this next chapter in his life beside his best friend. It made him think of Ume and was she really just an excuse to appease his dad? Clearly if he was considering all this, he didn't intend to try for any kind relationship with the girl—friendship or otherwise. There was a sharp pain that shot through Yosuke's head as he thought about it. Takehaya Susano-O was not making this easy for him today. Wasn't your Persona supposed to support you?

"That should do for now. Let's sit and let everything simmer," Souji stated after adding the remainder of the ingredients. He gently took the spoon from Yosuke's hand, folding his fingers around his friend's as he did so.

Yosuke knew in the past he would have freaked out and accused Souji of trying to get a rise out him, and most of the gang did after the bathhouse experience, but now he just felt the same peace he had earlier. One simple touch was enough to soothe his nerves. The sensation was starting to feel addictive.

Souji quickly moved to the sink, but paused to turn and meet Yosuke's gaze, and—wow, had his partner's eyes always been that intense? Yosuke swallowed and felt his cheeks pulsing. Normally, he'd have grinned to try and correct the accidental eye contact when he felt _this_ flustered, but he was at a loss. He started to say something, but only managed to part his lips slightly, and for once he just stared, left completely without a response.

"Yosuke?" Souji started back towards him.

But, he knew this feeling.

It had only happened once in his life, and it had never been this strong. It would have been described as a pathetic joke before, but now it felt completely real and—to his terror, actualized.

"Hey, come on." He was even closer now, his hand extending to grab Yosuke's shoulder.

Yosuke reflexively jerked away and had a look of shock on his face. His whole world felt like it was crumbling away, and he felt as empty and afraid as when he was facing down his Shadow.

This feeling...

...

He _cared_ about Souji.

Cared like he had about Saki—no, this was way more intense. What had been there before was _nothing_ like this. This pit that had formed in his stomach started to grow, and he felt like he was going to get physically sick. This was impossible. This was just him confused because no one had ever really cared and there was no way...

"Don't do this, you're scaring me." Souji was approaching him again.

The guy had just barely touched his hand! Why the hell would something so simple and unremarkable prompt this kind of emotional response?  He was his best friend and now all Yosuke could see was the worry in his partner's eyes and feel the slight trembling when Souji finally held his arms firmly. Yosuke shut his eyes to try and quell the burning tears that were starting to form, but mostly so he could just cut himself out of the situation. If he couldn't see Souji, maybe he could forget before this feeling got out of control.

...

And then Souji ruined everything.

"Partner! Answer me!"

...

Every time _he_ said that damn word it was like Yosuke would just cave and give up whatever argument he was trying to make. This was no different.

"Ah, sorry." Because it didn't matter now. "I just got really dizzy..."

"You've got to stop doing this. Just rest until the food is ready." Souji was calm once again and his voice steady.

Yosuke nodded and moved haphazardly to the living room, falling back onto the couch, careful to have his legs spread out in front of him so that Souji would have sit at the end.

Everything started making sense now. The past couple months, all the messages, the way he questioned his own character—not to mention Souji's—and it was all triggered because of the way he had a damn spoon taken out of his hand. This was not something he'd ever even considered to be a threat to his everyday life. His generic plan was like most people's: to meet someone, get married, maybe have some kids, retire and enjoy old age. So, what was he supposed to do with this? Where did his safe, mapped out future go?

"Something else is wrong." Souji instead settled for the chair that was next to the couch, obviously noticing Yosuke's unease.

He had to answer with... something. How could he twist this in such a way that he could try and get some generic advice? Would it be better for Souji to just guess? NO. No, that could absolutely NOT happen.

"I dunno, I just feel overwhelmed all of the sudden, it's like months' worth of confusion is hitting me all at once. Wish I understood why now and not before." Yosuke couldn't tell him. He wouldn't wreck this friendship because of his own misdirected thoughts. What the hell was even happening to him?

Even if he wanted to entertain the possibility, and Souji did feel the same (that was a laugh), he could never follow through with any of it. He didn't even want to imagine how his family would react, and they would be the talk of Inaba. Conservative, gossipy Inaba. What would their friends do? Kanji would never let him live it down... or maybe he would; he was growing to be a more understanding by the day, and Yosuke felt like _he_ needed to catch up. Hell, some of them might have even considered it to already be a thing, judging by how they joked and acted towards the pair.

It couldn't happen though, and how would he even compete if it could? Girls were practically tripping over one another to try and get Souji to glance their way, and Yosuke was pretty sure the only reason Souji avoided them was because he didn't have the time to invest in that kind of relationship. What did _he_ have to offer? That they'd battled Shadows? Sure, that was something he shared with very few people, but it wasn't something you could build a life off of.

Was he actually considering this seriously? A _life_... with Souji? His best friend? This was insane.

He could ask his partner hypothetical questions, but even if Souji reciprocated, it wouldn't be fair to him; Yosuke knew he couldn't be in a relationship because it wouldn't progress into anything substantial. He couldn't live with himself if he hurt Souji like that, even saying something or acting the wrong way seemed to cut his friend to the core.

"College exams are getting closer, and I don't know if you are planning to go anywhere, but moving is always stressful. I'm more used to it than most and I still get nervous." Souji smiled and leaned on his legs to get a better view of Yosuke.

"Think you'll try for a relationship before college?"

That could help Yosuke get over this silly idea. He could deal with the heartache, and it was better now than after he'd sat on the stupid idea for months.

Souji's face altered into another unreadable expression. "I don't know. I guess it would depend on how the person I care about would react. Starting something now would require an already established connection and a strong trust in the other person. That's what I imagine, anyway."

Not the answer Yosuke was looking for. "Sounds like a 'no' then, heh. Yukiko, Naoto and Chie don't quite seem like your type, and I can't think of any other girls that fit the description... Plus, you turned down Rise. She's pretty much the total package."

Souji shifted uncomfortably. "Well, you're not wrong. They wouldn't be my ideal partner."

Partner? Yosuke's mouth opened and closed a few times, once again left without a comeback. 'Weirdest choice of words ever' didn't even come close to describing that sentence. Then again, Souji was never obvious with stuff like this... Was he? Yosuke almost couldn't remember anymore.

Souji locked eyes with him. "Actually, that relates to something I wanted to talk to you about—"

A high-pitched whistling caused them both to jump slightly, and Souji stood quickly to remove the lid from the now boiling pot.

"Hmm, seems I forgot to turn the heat down. It should still be fine," Souji surmised, and put the lid back on at an angle.

"Oh, uh, good... Um, what were you saying just now?" Yosuke asked, sitting up to face Souji and crossing his arms to try and appear like he wasn't dying to know what his friend's next words were going to be.

"It's nothing, we can talk about it later. Let's watch the weather for old time's sake." Souji smiled and switched the rather large TV on. "It's strange to think we were all so aware of the weather not too long ago. We can relax now, I suppose."

"I still watch every day. Old habits... I doubt that will ever change." Yosuke let out a slight chuckle and fluffed a pillow to lay back on. He wasn't satisfied with Souji's answer, but dropped it for now. If he acted too anxious about the conversation, it might never take place. Also, he still hadn't taken more than a minute or two to try and sort through his own incredibly wild thoughts. He had to act cool about this or Souji would start questioning him again.

"The rain still wakes me up, but I don't have a TV in my room anymore. Makes me feel restless some days."

"I know it's like, how do we just move on? That part of our lives was so spectacular and we'll never experience anything like it again. I wanna pop my head in the TV at Junes sometimes."

"Too bad I wouldn't be able to do that."

Yosuke bit his lip. "Ah, sorry, but it's only temporary! This soup will fix me all up, and we'll be able to sort everything out before the end of the week!"

Souji looked at the floor with a small smile. "Thank you. When you say it that way, I really believe it. I wish I had your level of optimism... Last year you singlehandedly boosted everyone's morale. I can formulate strategy, but I'm too analytical, and that's not the most important trait for a leader to have. We wouldn't have succeeded based on my leadership alone... I think you played the most important role out of all of us. It's hard to be at your best when you're second-guessing your every move."

There was that damned feeling again. "Hey, I was fine with being second-in-command, but I don't think I was the most important. Yeah, it was a group effort, but if we didn't have your—what is it? Wild card ability? Anyway, _that_ , or we wouldn't have made it."

"Heh, and now I don't have anything but a problem I am relying on you to fix."

"Well, you fixed all of us."

Souji looked over at him, saying nothing, but Yosuke read his face easily this time. He didn't need to do anything for Yosuke to understand his appreciation. It had taken time, and Souji completely breaking down, to make Yosuke realize that his partner had never really let himself trust anyone. His whole life he'd relied only on himself, never letting anyone in his bubble of independence and solitude, but Yosuke was big enough to admit that he'd played a major part in changing that. These... feelings he was experiencing, part of them stemmed from the pride he felt as Souji's best friend. His partner.

"Just another day, just another battle." Yosuke gave him a thumbs up and winked.

And Souji seemed to believe it too, and if that were true, what else mattered?

===

"Wow, that was waaay better than I could have hoped for! I already feel loads better," the sickly teen cried, covering his stomach and leaning back in his chair. "Seriously, your description didn't do it justice."

Souji laughed and started clearing the table. "Hopefully you'll actually start feeling better tomorrow. We should still stay in tonight. When are your parents coming home?"

Ugh, _that_.

"Dunno, Dad probably won't be back until midnight and Mom will probably try to avoid coming home any earlier than she needs to. They use up all their patience socializing during the day and recoup at home. Try not to be offended by it. They don't talk to me much either." He realized how that must have sounded, but Souji just started to laugh again.

"My mother is the opposite. She's most likely going to probably suffocate you with affection when you come back with me. She's really excited to meet you." He was at the sink cleaning up now, and Yosuke felt guilty for not helping.

He just wasn't ready to be that close yet.

"She seems really nice. Think I'll meet your dad?"

"I doubt it, I've only seen him a few times since I went back."

The clinking of dishes made Yosuke's stomach flip and he finally pushed himself off the chair. He was the host, not the guest.

"Lemme help," he stated meekly.

Souji smiled at him and stepped to the side to allow the other teen room.

"You can dry them then. Sound good?"

Yosuke nodded and grabbed for a towel. The distance his friend had put between them still wasn't enough, but he didn't move any farther away.

"What did you want to do tonight, anyway?" Souji handed each dish to Yosuke gingerly, careful with even Junes' brand tableware.

"Actually"—Yosuke thought about what he _really_ wanted—"I'd like to continue our conversation. You were talking about something earlier."

Souji was quiet for a moment. "Oh. That."

Yosuke's eyes turned into slits. "Yeah. _That_."

What was 'that' going to be?

His partner didn't respond for a while, and Yosuke let him finish up washing the dishes before he was ready to press him again. All clues hinted towards Souji liking someone, and just not telling Yosuke who it was. At least, that's how he saw it. He'd already admitted his Shadow and that his Personas had mysteriously disappeared. Was there someone in Inaba Souji liked, but he hadn't told Yosuke about them? They'd been talking about his type, but who wouldn't generally fit the bill? God, it wasn't that Ebihara girl was it? But wouldn't that at least help Yosuke? That way, whatever this nonsense was, he could use his friend's romantic interest in someone else to help him get over his own... romantic inclination. It felt weird to just think about it. Did he really... _like_... Souji? His best friend? His partner? The very thought practically brought on an anxiety attack.

"Yosuke, ready to head upstairs?" Souji's face was frighteningly serious, and Yosuke was shaken when they finally made eye contact.

"Oh, yeah."

What the hell was coming?

He trailed behind Souji, hoping that he hadn't just put his friend in an awkward position. Was this really the most important thing to be talking about right now? Shouldn't they be focusing on Souji's Shadow? But he couldn't help it.

He _really_ wanted to know.

Then, he could start working through these feelings and be at one hundred percent in battle.

When they both sat down on the couch in Yosuke's room there was a blanket of silence that fell over the pair. It was like the first time they'd hung out when Yosuke had run out of things to bring up to the other teen. Yosuke could still remember how awkward it had been after he starting naming all the embarrassing stuff he'd done up to that point as a way to ease the tension. It hadn't worked then and he doubt it'd work now.

Still, Yosuke needed someone to say something.

"Listen, if you'd rather wait to talk about this—whatever it is, we can. Let's just focus on a game or something if—"

"No, this is long overdue," Souji interjected, leaning his elbows on his knees and looking up at the ceiling. Something other than his Shadow was causing him turmoil, so this should help him too... right?

"Well... Okay. Let's talk." What else could Yosuke say?

Souji kept his same position, but adjusted his head to be looking squarely at Yosuke. "This is going to a... difficult conversation."

"Okay..."

"And I need you to listen all the way through before asking any questions, please."

"Alright..."

"And"—Souji took a deep breath—"I need you to not hate me when I'm through."

Yosuke was taken aback. "Souji, there's no way I could."

What was he going to tell him? Yosuke couldn't even envision a scenario where he could possibly hate his partner, especially given how he thought he was feeling for him right now. Those weird, out of place feelings.

"You say that, but... Yosuke, you're my best friend. I think it's safe to assume you've already guessed what I'm about to say, whether you've fully realized yet or not."

His room was dimly lit from the setting sun outside, and most of it was dyed a very distinct shade of pink, but Yosuke could still see the red that had crept up his partner's face.

"I'm listening."

Souji took another long, deep breath. "Yosuke, I..."

The other teen's hands were trembling, a reaction Yosuke couldn't remember ever seeing. Although his voice wasn't shaking, Souji was clearly anxious.

"For a long time I've... well, I've been—"

There was a loud banging downstairs, followed by an even louder cry.

"YOSUKE! I'M HOME!"

His mother. His _accursed_ mother.

"It's fine, continue," he insisted, hoping that she hadn't ruined what little progress they'd made.

He was so close to hearing... What? What was he expecting to hear? Why did he feel so excited?

Souji shook his head. "Another time. Let's go greet your mother."

The smile that hid his partner's pain returned and as Souji stood up to leave the room, Yosuke grabbed his wrist.

"Tomorrow. We're talking tomorrow no matter what," he demanded. There would be no backing out of it next time.

Souji didn't answer, and simply looked down at where Yosuke was holding his wrist.

"Promise me, partner."

There was still no verbal reply at first, but Souji shifted his hand into Yosuke's, lacing their fingers together and never taking his eyes off them.

"You may not like what I have to say," he finally admitted.

Yosuke could feel his pulse in his cheeks again, that familiar bottoming out his stomach was so fond of lately and, of course, that impulse to start babbling incoherently to break the silence. He fought it. Souji needed him right now. His mouth opened and closed several times before he finally resolved to just shake his head, and, as though he'd shaken them loose, words finally came to him.

"I doubt that, but I still want you to say it. I won't get mad and I won't freak out. I promise." His eyes moved up to Souji's while he tried to ignore his partner's thumb gently rubbing the side of his hand.

"Then, I promise, after we meet with everyone, I'll tell you."

Yosuke had never seen a more sorrowful look on anyone's face. What had his friend so wound up that he was reacting like this? Also, what was going on with their hands? Souji continued to firmly grasp Yosuke's hand, but now it was making him anxious. He tried to remember the first time he shook hands with his partner, but this... There was no way Yosuke could compare this to shaking hands. Why was Souji doing this?

"So, yeah... Deal." He decided to try and turn it into an awkward shake anyway, but Souji moved away as soon as his friend started in with the motion.

"Tomorrow it is," Souji echoed, once again donning his mask and turning back for the door.

Yosuke was left alone.

He'd liked it. A little too much. His partner's once soft hands now had calluses from their many battles, but even those were beginning to fade as they all resumed a normal high school life. Yosuke could still remember the first time he'd felt those hands (rescue from the trashcan not withstanding), during their initial promise to each other to catch the killer. He was reminded that even in that moment he'd noticed the contrast of his rougher hands to Souji's, and he he'd briefly thought that there was no way the guy had worked a day in his life. Now, feeling his hand in Souji's caused a very different reaction.

"What am I going to do?" Yosuke groaned as he thumbed over the same spot Souji had almost been almost caressing earlier. Takehaya Susano-o caused a comforting, floating feeling to envelope Yosuke, and despite the good intentions, it only served as a reminder that Souji was in a terrible predicament.

His heart wouldn't quiet and his thoughts swirled in every direction, but he had to push all that away right now. They had to figure out this business with Souji's Shadow and Personas. Souji's mental health came before anything else. Tomorrow the group would meet up, and soon they could charge headfirst into the TV, battling like they had a few months prior. Souji might have been worried that they'd all second-guess their own abilities, but Yosuke couldn't think of a better motivator than to save the guy who'd saved all of them.

He finally allowed himself to smile. "You ready to do this, Takehaya Susano-o?"

His Persona's elation washed over him and Yosuke could have sworn he felt a slight breeze kick up in the room. He laughed and squeezed the same hand he'd been examining into a fist. Even if they all had to fight Souji's Shadow in the end, they'd do it and risk everything for him. It would no doubt be their most difficult battle, but they'd rescue Inaba's newest victim like they always did. He couldn't quite explain it, but he knew that they'd all succeed and everything would go back to normal soon enough.

However, he also felt that something was very off with Souji's situation.

"Yosuke Hanamura! Get down here!"

More fearful of his mother than any Shadow, he leapt up and stumbled out his door and down the stairs. He could discuss his thoughts with Souji tonight and the others tomorrow at Junes. For now, he'd just try to cheer his partner up.

 


	9. Chapter 9 - Souji

Souji rubbed his temples, attempting to quell the headache that Yosuke's mother had brought on. He didn't think one woman could yell so much.

"Sorry... I didn't mean for you to have to suffer through that with me," Yosuke apologized, again.

"It's fine, I just didn't think she was going to react like that." Souji hadn't expected the outburst two seconds after she'd been asking him how he'd been. "Laundry... She takes it very seriously, I see."

Yosuke laughed nervously and sat next to his friend. "Well, to be fair, she'd been asking me to take care of it for days."

" _Laundry_ ," Souji repeated, slightly glaring at the guilty party.

"Hey! I didn't say I was the most responsible son! The soup cheered her up. Glad to have a peacemaker in the house," he complimented and bumped against Souji's shoulder. "And I'm feeling great, even after being ripped apart by a woman half my height."

Souji playfully pushed back. "I figured you'd be used to that after Chie."

It'd only been a few hours since Yosuke's mother had returned, but already the radical difference between his home life and his friend's was painfully obvious.

"No... No, my mother holds the title of 'Thing Yosuke is Most Terrified of' and there's no competition. There's not even other contenders."

"Dark."

"I know."

Souji noticed that his best friend seemed at ease even after he'd been more than scolded. He'd been nervous earlier that he'd been too forward too quickly, especially after how peculiar Yosuke had been acting all day, but it seemed to have worked itself out. Mostly.

"Well, Mom is gonna go meet Dad so we don't have to worry about bugging them. Wanna just be lazy and play a game?" Yosuke suggested, moving to crouch in front of a shelf under his TV.

"Sure. I haven't played one since you and I played that racing game so I'll probably be rusty," Souji answered casually, but his heart was still a mess.

He couldn't ignore that there was still some tension remaining from earlier, and although the 'Shadow' hadn't appeared since the shrine, every time his anxiety built, there he was. Maybe with Yosuke ever-present this week it'd be easier. Then again, that was part of the problem, wasn't it?

"Oh yeah, that old one... I have no idea where Ted put that thing. Let's just... No, that one is missing too... Damn him," the still Inaba resident grumbled as he sorted through his limited selection. "Are you kidding me? Half my games are missing! ...I'm going to _kill_ that bear."

Souji laughed and walked over to another shelf, picking up a movie. "Let's just watch this. It's your favorite, right?"

It wasn't a question. Souji knew Yosuke's favorite everything.

"Haven't I made you suffer through that one enough? I mean, we can pick something more your speed," his other half politely recommended, standing and gently taking the DVD out of Souji's hand. Souji didn't miss Yosuke's ears turn pink when their fingers accidently brushed against each other.

He couldn't blame the guy for being so nervous about every touch. Just a couple of hours ago Souji nearly had two panic attacks thinking that Yosuke had hurt himself in the kitchen. More notably, at Junes Souji wasn't sure why he'd reacted so strongly. It was just Teddie. Even if they'd been found out, it wouldn't have been as life or death as he made it out to be. Sure, he definitely wanted as much alone time with Yosuke as possible—he needed to build up his courage after all, but it was more than that. Souji felt this overbearing need to protect Yosuke from... everything. It wasn't practical and made him appear even a little manic, but he couldn't dismiss it. How many times had Yosuke sacrificed himself for Souji? It had always hurt to hear the others say that Souji was the most important factor in solving the case, but they were just as crucial in his mind. One of the many topics Souji planned to cover with Yosuke that week concerned the leader's many Personas, and when his friend had asked before he'd just been caught off guard. Now that he'd had time to process an answer to the complicated question... Well, if Souji didn't outwardly confess then his honest answer would do that for him.

"I enjoy this movie. Anything you like this much I'm bound to like as well," the leader defended, still peppering his sentences with hints. "I can't think of anything off-hand that you like that I don't."

Now his whole face was pink. "Stop being so understanding of all my quirks," he said it with a laugh, but it faltered halfway.

"Understanding isn't the right word," he remarked simply, not wanting to frighten him with the complete truth. He'd be dealing with that soon enough.

Yosuke knelt down to load the DVD, but stopped short of closing the drive. He also wouldn't look at Souji when he asked, "What is the right word then?"

His heart fell. He hadn't anticipated Yosuke to actually ask.

What was he going to safely say? He'd backed himself into this corner, and he knew that all these suggestions and dangerous wording were his doing. A week ago he'd have been fine with Yosuke just guessing, but seeing him face-to-face made him realize that he wanted to convey every feeling directly. His own words. No room for speculations. Which would be hard enough considering how terrible he _was_ with words.

He started slowly with a carefully reserved smile, "Appreciate."

Yosuke tilted his head at that. "What? You 'appreciate' all my dumb interests? What a weird way to put that, partner." He didn't seem bothered, just confused.

Souji shrugged. "They're what make you, you."

"Oh right, cause I'm your favorite person so of course that makes sense," the other teen joked, grinning and rolling his eyes while doing so.

"You are," Souji reinforced, his voice carrying much less humor.

He braced for Yosuke's signature self-deprecating joke, but ended up surprised.

"Well, you're mine too, so... I guess you'll just have to put up with me, huh?"

Souji felt his own cheeks flush and he was left speechless for a moment.

Yosuke seemed to notice. "What? Not up to it?"

"N-no, it's not..." So much for composed. "I'm—"

His best friend laid a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, I'm just messing with you. Stop worrying so much."

No. He was going to at least say something. Yosuke couldn't bail him out of every awkward situation.

Souji briefly closed his eyes and took another breath. "Honestly, I'd say that you're the one 'putting up' with me."

"You know that's not true... Souji, what's going on? Please talk to me," he finished with a quiet plea, his hand squeezing his friend's shoulder tighter.

It was the go ahead that Souji had been silently requesting and now there were no excuses left to not speak at least some of his mind. He'd bottled everything up for days—months at this point. Earlier he'd done a pathetic job of finding reasons to not answer Yosuke's questions, but he'd never prove his 'Shadow' wrong if he kept quiet. He'd set goals for this week and he planned to follow through with them... Even if that meant the end of what the two of them had cultivated.

He just prayed that it wouldn't come to that.

 "There's just been a lot on my mind. I didn't want to alarm you with any of it, it's just been weighing on me for some time. It has nothing to do with any one thing."

His friend's breathing quickened, but that was too expected from something so vague. "Then help me understand."

This would hurt, but it'd been an inevitable. There were many of those ahead for the pair.

"Ever since December, I've been reviewing all the events that led up to where I am now. I know you said that the hypothetical didn't matter, but it does to me... 'Fortunate' isn't a strong enough word to describe how I feel about meeting you."

The other teen's hand fell to his side, not looking like he'd expected something so serious. "H-hey, don't give me _that_ much credit. If you remember, you pulled me out of a trashcan so I'm pretty sure you're just nice and have bad judgment every now and then. I'm like a walking accident waiting to happen."

Souji shook his head, his eyes now intensely locked with Yosuke's. "I know I'm terrible at putting my feelings about other people into words, but... there are times that I'm scared I take our friendship for granted."

His best friend's expression was one of pure disbelief. "Dude, I don't think you're even capable of that."

"I don't think I always consciously do it, but that doesn't change the circumstances," Souji elaborated.

"You're gonna have to try again, because I just don't see it," Yosuke countered once more.

He'd planned to make this the introductory portion of his confession, but maybe this was more suited to say as just a friend... Or maybe it'd just come off as strange. He found it was growing more and more difficult to remember what it felt like to just see Yosuke as a friend. No matter how it was perceived, he was in too deep now to back out.

"It's not done maliciously, but I don't have to say _anything_ and you just... understand. I've depended on that fact far too many times. How often have you been the one to speak for me during our meetings? Explain to everyone what I'm actually trying to say?" He paused to give his anxiety a moment to calm. "... I know this must sound dramatic, but I think it's because I've been too cowardly to come out and say it... I've wondered if it weren't for my Personas disappearing and my... 'Shadow', would I have even admitted it to myself? ...I'm not sure I would have been able to accept that. I can't stand the weaker part of me that expects you to shoulder that burden."

"That's not true. You always bail me out when I've said _too_ much. We're partners—that's what we do. I've never seen that as a burden, just kind of a balancing act," the other teen comforted.

"I understand, and that's part of it... Maybe I'm not explaining myself well enough," Souji started with uncertainty. "You've told me the things you want to work on, but I've been considering what I want to change as well. I'm so thankful for our friendship, and  I've made friendships and connections that will last, but it's always different with you... It's almost too effortless... And that terrifies me."

For the first time, Yosuke's expression was unreadable and it terrified him. "Souji, I really think you're exaggerating here."

However, he'd anticipated the answer, but continued all the same, "I'm not... I'm just trying to change. I want to be someone that can be there in the same way you are for me. Earlier you said that I 'saved' everyone, but that's not completely true, is it? The more and more I've thought about it, I really only listened and offered one sentence reassurances or bits of advice. Honestly, before Inaba I'd never had to even remotely deal with what any of our friends went through... are still going through." His eyes locked on to Yosuke's more intently. "You most of all. So, that's why I believe it's important that I try to tell you what I should have been saying all along."

His best friend had a surprising smile on his face. "As usual, you over think things. Sometimes, people just need a listener. You just happen to be the best listener there is, so I don't think you have to experience something tragic or life-changing to be qualified for the job. I mean, I did lose someone close to me, but I'm alright now. Whether you've accepted it or not, it was you that helped me through it. You can't do it _for_ anyone, but you also can't decide whether or not you've helped them. So, for once, just take the damn compliment," he finished, winking and patting Souji on the shoulder once more.

Souji shook his head, but was smiling by the end. "Fine, but you've done the same for me."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm the great leader's advisor and shoulder to cry on," he replied with humor.

The leader grinned. "Literally."

"Huh, fair enough, I guess."

They shared a brief laugh before Souji finally did drop it. As usual, Yosuke knew the exact point to end the conversation before Souji became overwhelmed.  He was able to get his point across and receive the reassurance he'd needed, so the talk had been successful in his eyes. There would be more to come during the week, and even though Yosuke had wanted to help, he must have been overloaded as well. Plus, Souji was long overdue for just a laugh and lazy evening.

Yosuke finally loaded the movie and fell back on the couch. "Alright, best movie ever time. Think you can manage without subtitles, genius?"

"Is there any other way to watch this cinematic work of art?"

"Damn right."

Souji took a seat next to him, and even though he'd tried to create distance for Yosuke's sake, the other teen scooted closer. He tried not to read into it, but it still made him happy all the same.

"I'm going to try so hard not to talk during it this time," Yosuke said with a weak laugh.

"You say that every time."

"And I try to mean it."

The movie continued with its explosions and impossible stunts, but Souji found it hard to concentrate halfway through when Yosuke began to nod off. His friend's head would roll and end up resting on his shoulder for a minute before bouncing back up and the process would start all over again. After the tenth time of this happening, Yosuke's breathing finally evened out and his head didn't move from its claimed pillow. Souji was careful with every breath and remained as still as he could possibly manage until he was sure that the other was in a deep enough sleep.

This was nice. It was really that simple. He moved his leg to be gently pressed against Yosuke's thigh and let the back of his hand fall naturally against his partner's palm. He closed his own eyes and let his mind wander away from the sound of the movie and focused on the slight rise and fall of his friend, or the heat from his body and how right it felt meshing with his own. Would they get to be this close again? He couldn't remember this having ever happened in the past, so he was going to commit every moment of this to memory while it lasted. He briefly opened his eyes and tried to make out the features of Yosuke's face. Sure, the angle wasn't the best, but even that, coupled with the poor lighting from the TV, was enough to almost hypnotize him. He'd often tried to pinpoint when he became so aware of Yosuke's every move or how he suddenly noticed every angle and curve of his best friend's face, but he was always coming up short. Ultimately, he'd decided it wasn't important.

But this moment was.

He felt somewhat guilty whenever he studied the details of Yosuke's features, but wasn't that a natural thing to do when you cared about someone? When you loved them? Because he did love Yosuke, even if he had no idea how 'love' was supposed to feel. It might have been different for every individual person, but this feeling suited him perfectly. And he loved all of it—the good and the bad. Some hurt more than others, and even with the risk of rejection staring him square in the face, he knew he'd fight for this.

Of course, there were always more factors than just the two of them and their tiny worlds. Like the phone buzzing next to him on the couch, and that the name across the screen was attached to another person vying for his friend's attention. This was one problem he didn't want to face this week. Couldn't his heart ever catch a break?

It was just a text message, and when he'd lived in Inaba before their phones were an open book for the other to scroll through whenever they'd wanted. Did that rule still stand now that, that girl was a part of Yosuke's life? And could Souji, in good conscience, look at the text now? It certainly wouldn't be innocent like before. Before had been to relay a message when the other one was too lazy to be bothered to cross the room and answer it themselves, but now... Was this private? What had Yosuke really said about this girl? What had he said _to_ her? That was the thing eating Souji alive most of all.

And here he'd thought Yosuke waking up would be the thing that would ruin his brief heaven on earth.

This girl had a name, and Souji was going to have to use it. He couldn't keep hiding behind the fact that when he said it, it made her tangible in his mind. He couldn't argue it anymore after that... Not that it should have been an argument in the first place. It was just... Why did this have to happen right before Golden Week? Right before he'd gathered his courage...

No. This was another inevitable.

So, he didn't look and tried to ignore the one other buzz he heard and instead listened for the soft breathing of the boy next to him. If he were trying to be spiteful, he'd actually think—and believe, that she'd never get to be this close to Yosuke. Not physically, but emotionally, and that was the most important one in Souji's mind.

"Isn't that the thing about love though?" The same voice that plagued him was back, and he knew it was his fault once more.

Souji was quiet as the yellow eyes glowed sinisterly from the corner of the darkened room.

"You can't balance friends and the person you love. One always has to win out, and it won't be you. It can't be."

His ugly side was tiring him out.

"If you were worth anything you'd let Yosuke be happy, because doesn't he deserve it? Wouldn't he do the same for you? I mean, not like you want, but he'd at least put up a damn good front for your sake."

The third buzz next to him and the quiet of the credits rolling weren't enough to drown out his unwanted companion.

"And what does it say about you? Think about it. You'd rather put your friend in a position to feel guilt about turning you down, still try to be friends with someone like you and then be too scared to be in a relationship with someone out of respect for you. I mean, come on, you know that's what's going to happen. You're banking on it."

This was a case where the words stung more than others, and it was almost always when Yosuke was involved. That being said, they were a bit more reserved today.

"They're only that way because with him it doesn't take much effort."

He wished they didn't share the same headspace at least during their one-sided conversations.

"You want to look, right? Want to see what she's said, but also what's been said. Yosuke never deletes anything until his phone is full so there's bound to be something. And, if it's all deleted, maybe he knew you'd go through it and didn't want you to see how serious things have gotten. What if he'd hiding the true nature of their relationship from you? Since when did the guy not gush about some girl—any girl for that matter? He's always been so honest, but maybe it was because nothing was serious enough that you'd judge him... What if they've—"

"Yosuke, the movie is over," Souji cut the 'Shadow' off and gently nudged his friend.

His 'Shadow' chuckled and shook his head. "You'll have to hear it in private or in person soon enough."

Souji glared but was silent.

"Or, that's what you're hoping for, right? Even if everyone else hears, at least that'll give you clarification that you aren't crazy. Then again, you're also scared that the worst of what you've got buried will be put on display for all your friends. Especially him."

And then Yosuke mumbled something indiscernible and lazily sat up. "Mmm, sorry, did I pass out?"

Now it was just the two of them in the room again and Souji sighed in relief. "Yeah, but it's okay. You've pushed yourself enough these past couple of days."

His friend blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes. "You looked kinda freaked out. You alright?"

The leader nodded. "Now I am."

This time, Yosuke sat up straighter and shook his head to try and fully wake up. "Did 'it' come back?"

"...'It' did," Souji admitted, frowning and awaiting judgment.

"Did it have anything to say?" his friend tentatively asked, not appearing scared but merely concerned.

"Always," he replied simply.

"Wanna talk about it?" his friend suggested, turning at an angle to face Souji and crossing his legs.

Did he want to? It would be the first chance to actually tell Yosuke right after the 'Shadow' had shown. It would also be pretty poor timing considering what the 'Shadow' had been rambling on about.

Souji instead changed the subject, "You got a text while you were asleep."

"Oh? What'd it say?" his friend asked innocently enough.

"Well, it was from... Ume, so I didn't want to intrude," Souji responded politely enough, but he wasn't sure how well he hid his jealousy.

Yosuke laughed as he spoke, "That doesn't matter. You can read whatever garbage you want in that old thing anytime you want. Not like I lead a very interesting life. Just ignore all the texts I've saved from our conversations. I reread them when I need an ego boost, which is—ya know, pretty often."

Even though he'd just been given the go ahead to do what he'd been doing, it was still enough to lift his spirits.

"Not that you said anything to indicate otherwise, but the same goes for you, of course," Souji reiterated.

"Duh. You're too lazy to read them when I'm around anyway. Have you even checked it since you got here?"

The leader paused, but realized he hadn't.

Yosuke laughed and nudged against Souji's leg with one of his knees. "No worries, I did for you and there's nothing."

"I should just hand it to you while I'm here. I checked it so often back in the city that I need a vacation from it."

Yosuke had a playful pout on his face.

Souji quickly added, "You know what I mean."

"Yeah, that mess with Rise must have been a total nightmare. I almost forgot... Is that over with? I mean, it has to be by now," his friend said with less and less certainty.

"The public has moved on to a bigger 'scandal' by now. My classmates and teachers have also moved on to more pressing issues. Like people smoking in a bathroom."

"What a headline."

They quietly laughed again before the Inaba teen stretched his arms up and let them fall back to rest in his lap. "By the way, that was a pretty lame attempt to dodge my question, but just know that when you want to talk, I'm here."

"Hmm, thought I was being clever."

"You're not as clever as you seem to think."

Souji couldn't help but smile this time. "Maybe, but you're also the only one who seems to see through me, remember?"

Yosuke rolled his eyes. "No, you're just not the best with misdirection."

"Take the damn compliment," the leader repeated and grabbed for Yosuke's phone to finally get this over with. "Here, it's been about half an hour now."

The pit in his stomach was growing as Yosuke groaned and took the phone from him to read the messages. His friend might have appeared bothered, but Souji knew he was probably excited. Knowing Yosuke, didn't that make the most sense? Why else would he be talking to this girl if he wasn't at least a bit interested?

After a few moments of silence, Souji asked, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just her friends grabbed her phone and she sent some apology text. Probably the same friends that left that dumb note in my locker," Yosuke explained with genuine annoyance.

Even though he _really_ didn't want to hear anything positive about the girl come out of Yosuke's mouth, his 'Shadow' did have a point. "Do you want to talk about her? You haven't really told me much."

His friend shut the phone, not answering the messages, and sighed. "There's not much to tell. I thought a girl talking to me would be kind of exciting, but it's been more exhausting than anything. Not to sound like Kanji, but girls really are complicated. Plus, it's time for me to decide about college and the future... She's a second year, ya know? Where is this really gonna go? Feels shitty to lead her on when I'm not all that committed, and it doesn't seem like being my friend is really her goal. Maybe I'm just keeping this up to hang on to my high school days. Makes me sound old. Agh, I'm rambling again."

Souji felt somewhat less guilty. It didn't sound like Yosuke was really all that connected to her and it didn't seem like this was anything more than enjoying the attention. "It's fine. It's nice to get attention every now and then. As long as you don't start something you don't intend to follow through with, I think it's a good learning experience. That's human nature."

His friend laughed and responded, "Leave it to you to make it all sound so clinical. Still, I don't know how to just say I'm not interested in that kind of relationship..." Yosuke suddenly went quiet.

"Why don't you sound sure of that?" Souji asked, hiding his terror.

"You're just gonna laugh," the other boy answered.

"I promise you, that will not happen."

Now his friend wouldn't look him in the eyes and it scared Souji even further.

"This is going to sound so dumb, but... it's just... it seems like, in a weird way, my dad is happy about it. I'm not sure how else to explain other than maybe I'm just enjoying the actual praise I've been getting from him this past month. He's never really seemed all that proud of me, but now he's asking about my day and not every word that comes out of his mouth is negative." Yosuke let out a sad, short laugh before finishing, "Like I said, it sounds stupid, but I'm hanging on to what I can. Maybe he feels like I'm less of a waste of space."

"I know your dad has always been somewhat harsh, but do you really think this is at all about her and not about how you've been growing as a person?"

Yosuke shook his head. "It's irrational, and I know that's not the actual reason, but it's in the back of my mind. He seemed happy when I mentioned her, but it was probably just because she isn't some delinquent, knowing him."

Then the guilty returned with overwhelming force. Souji could never offer that for Yosuke, and it didn't matter what he accomplished. Yosuke's father always asked him about his father's work for the hospital and if he was going to inherit the business from him when he completed school and his father retired. Souji had always masterfully dodged giving a real answer, but he knew that even if he took his father's place, somehow eradicated all disease and made more money than anyone in the collective universe, that it wouldn't be enough. It wasn't the achievements that the man was looking for, it was the idea of Yosuke having a family and continuing the Hanamura name. That was something he could never offer... not on the terms Yosuke's father was looking for.

"Partner? My dumb explanation leave you speechless?"

He pulled back and focused on the problems of now. "No, sorry, just processing a response... I think you should do whatever makes you happiest, but I also think you should be practical about it. It's not just you involved in this, and in the end it's going to hurt her more than you."

Maybe that came off as more critical than he intended, but it was the best advice he had at the moment. He'd have offered the same words even if he didn't love the boy next to him.

Yosuke sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I know, it's just not my area of expertise."

Souji also wasn't convinced that he was getting the whole story. His friend's anxiety was too mixed in with his words for that to be the end of it. He knew that he read too much into things out of habit, but Souji was rarely wrong when it came to Yosuke.

"I don't want to sound presumptuous, but are those the only reasons? Just the attention and your dad? It's... That just doesn't sound like you."

Now Yosuke was the one to be quiet for several minutes. It might have been the first time he'd ever delayed a response for this long, and Souji was trying not to formulate his own ideas as to what that last part could be.

When he finally answered, it was in a disappointed tone, "No... I'm just not sure how to say it without sounding like the person I was last year."

Why did he feel like he already knew where this was going?

"There's nothing you can say that will change my mind about you."

"Heh, I know... This time it's... more me, I guess," Yosuke said vaguely. "But I guess it's only fair to tell you since you told me all of that earlier. I just  don't like this about me."

Souji wanted to reach out and embrace him like he had at the riverbank last year. Seeing his friend hurting this way was too much... but he also wasn't so sure he wanted to hear the last part anymore. What if he blurted everything out now? Told Yosuke how every thought seemed to be consumed by him and how the only thing that calmed all the crazy in his head was the sound of his voice. That he didn't even know how to process everything he felt for his partner... Or just that he simply loved him.

Because what was coming next was probably going to sap all the courage he'd prepared.

His eyes were burning when he finally answered, "Please."

"Partner... I don't want you to think I'm the same as I was last year... Hell, I even apologized to Kanji for being a total asshole... You know how my parents are—especially my dad, and how they are really conservative or whatever... Well, my dad came home from work the other day and was complaining about these two kids that he had to deal with. It was just two teenagers messing around in one of the stock rooms... but it was two guys and my dad was on the warpath about it."

There it was. He knew Yosuke had been acting strangely, and this was about to be the confirmation.

"Anyway, he was more pissed than usual and he was even snapping at my mom. He never made any comments directly towards me, but my dad tends to spiral when he gets hung up on something. It's beyond dumb, and it's something the old Yosuke would do, but I panicked. I didn't want to do one wrong thing and my dad start hounding me about not having a girlfriend since this was gonna get out and he's all about his reputation. I know I sound insane, but that's how he is with stuff like this. He didn't get the son he wanted, so he tries to cling to every traditional thing he can when it comes to me... Maybe that's why I try to compensate the way I do. Not that it's an excuse, but I'm just trying to find some explanation for my crazy reasoning," the teen concluded, still not looking up.

And Souji was thankful he didn't, because he was fighting an impossible battle with the stupid tears in his eyes. If he blinked, it was over.

They were both quiet, and Souji reeled himself back in by trying shut down and put up a cold exterior as he usually did... But something wasn't working this time. If it had been anyone— _anyone_ but Yosuke, and if it didn't have to do with what had been destroying him like nothing else, it would have been all too easy. As it stood, he was doing well not to just break down all over again.

"You must think I'm a piece of shit... You should. I know I do."

No, Souji wanted to tell Yosuke that he was an idiot for thinking that he was anything less than the best thing to ever happen to him. To just grab him and shake all the ridiculous self-doubt out of him until it was enough that he would believe Souji when he told him that he loved him because of all his flaws and strengths.

...

But this wasn't that moment.

Instead, Souji turned to face him, took a breath to steady his voice and replied, "No, I think that you just want to make your parents proud and their views conflict with what you want yours to be."

His friend looked up slowly, but the brief look of relief was replaced with alarm. "Souji, what's wrong?" Yosuke's hands extended out and his fingertips brushed against Souji's cheeks.

Huh.

So, he had indeed lost that battle.

And now that he'd realized those traitorous, silent tears, he found it impossible to speak without completely falling apart. Souji wasn't trembling or anything, just sitting there in disappointment with himself. Of all the things he picked up last year, why did crying so easily in front of Yosuke have to be one of them? He'd probably cried more with his best friend in a handful of months than he had in his entire life.

"Partner, talk to me. What's wrong?"

'What' indeed. The answer Yosuke was looking for wasn't the one Souji would have answered honestly with. What good was being truthful right now if Yosuke didn't know how he really felt? Context was fairly important, and he couldn't exactly confess while he was crying and Yosuke had just admitted that he was so terrified his dad would disown him based on the fact that he didn't have a girlfriend.

However, he had promised he wouldn't lie.

"I'm just... very emotional without my Personas. I can't explain it. Things that wouldn't have bothered me so strongly before seem to... well, do this."

It wasn't a lie—just not the full truth that he'd be telling later. It seemed next to impossible to overcome hardships without the company of his hard-earned Personas. If he made a 'good' decision his Personas would lift his mood, but they'd also be there to reprimand him when he made a 'bad' decision. How they concluded what was morally right was most likely based on his own beliefs, but that kept him from lying to himself. Before them, how had he done this in the past? Then again, he'd never had friends to care so much about.

"What part is bothering you?" Yosuke asked, still trying to stop the tears that simply refused to.

Where would he start? The fact that Yosuke had to act this way just to comfort a silly notion his father might have? That Yosuke's parents were so short-sighted that they couldn't see what effect this was having on their son? Or maybe that this was another sign that this confession wouldn't go the direction Souji was hoping for. Really, it all boiled down to just one thing.

"That you don't feel like you get to decide what makes you happy... I _hate_ it."

To Souji's surprise, Yosuke merely moved his hands down and slowly took hold of his friend's. Even through his blurry eyes and blue light from the TV, he could still see Yosuke's flushed face.

"... I don't think I've ever heard you say you hate anything... I don't know what to make of that," his partner whispered.

He'd thought he hated Namatame, and even Adachi for a bit, but there had always been something in the way. With the former kidnapper, it was Nanako that stopped him, and Adachi was more betrayal and anger, but more importantly, those were people. Souji disliked their beliefs and certainly didn't approve of any excuse they offered, but this time it was more personal... Perhaps personal wasn't right, because although he hadn't said it that day, he'd hated Namatame the moment Nanako's monitor flat-lined and he fought against being consumed by it. The only person who equaled Yosuke's importance was his sister, even if it was in a different way, and that was about as personal as things got.

No, it had to be two different forms of hate, and he was just holding onto this one because it was still something he had to face.

The realization stopped his tears and he squeezed Yosuke's hands tightly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to sound directed at you, just the idea. I don't blame you for anything you said."

Because he didn't. His own shortcomings with handling things had nothing to do with Yosuke's insecurities.

"I think you should. I kind of wish you'd just smack some sense into me... Maybe I'm overdue to get my ass kicked by you," Yosuke only half-joked. "And you don't have to take what I said so seriously. It was a panic move and I know I have to do something about it, but it was just hard to admit. More than a little embarrassing, that's for sure."

"Then we'll schedule a fight for old times' sake before the end of the week... I'm sorry that I made you worry. I didn't mean to do that," Souji finished with an apology, but there was so much more he wanted to say. Wasn't that always the case? If he was the one to end it, the conversation always finished before he could actually work out the right words.

"Nah, I'm kinda happy in, like, the most messed up way possible, probably. It's nice when you show that you aren't some invulnerable person... It's just kind of shitty that I'm usually the reason you're upset," his friend admitted.

Souji felt his ears begin to burn, but he maintained a lighthearted tone. "It's not for the reason you think."

Yosuke's head tilted and he parted his lips to most likely ask, but he stopped short. Maybe he didn't want to know, maybe he was scared to, but whatever the reason, Souji didn't push it. How could the boy in front of him not know how he felt? Was he really that dense? Or was Souji just that terrible at expressing his affection? And how were their hands still conjoined? Not that Souji was complaining, but how badly was Yosuke going to react when he realized? ...Was he aware?

"W-well, whatever that is, I'm glad you trust me... Geez, we've been so sappy recently... Haven't we had enough serious talks for one day?"

"It's just after midnight, so technically it's a new day."

"Is it _that_ late? How?"

"I suppose I'm a slow speaker. We've been talking for some time... The menu has been on repeat for ages," Souji explained and kept his hands very still, knowing this moment was about to come to an end.

Yosuke groaned, "I bet my parents came back while we were talking... No way we can take a bath without waking them up... Wait, and we're going to see Nanako in the morning. Then again, my parents go to work early—well, Dad does, but Mom usually follows... Do you care to wait?"

Back to business as usual.

"It's fine. I'll wake us up around five if that's okay with you. You should try to get a few hours since you're not fully healed," Souji insisted.

It appeared as though Yosuke had more to say, but he conceded, "Alright, then let's—" He looked down and finally noticed their hands, and Souji braced for the usual outburst... But it never happened. Instead, Yosuke simply, and carefully, released his friend and stood up. "Let's go to bed. I'll go brush my teeth and be right back," he said somewhat anxiously, but was doing a great job appearing composed.

Souji nodded and his eyes followed Yosuke as he left the room. He hadn't expected today to be as heavy as it had turned out to be, but they'd made progress. Even if there was more to it than Yosuke was admitting, and there was certainly more Souji would have to confess, he'd take a victory where he could. Although he hadn't expected it in the slightest, his friend's admission of the true reasoning behind Ume had helped Souji deal with a few problems, but it'd opened up a much larger one. He'd known that Yosuke's beliefs would be a struggle when it came to his confession, but he had truly underestimated how monumental the odds would be when his partner's parents were factored in. He cursed himself when he thought about how naïve he'd allowed himself to be, but deep down he'd known this was an obstacle he hadn't wanted to fully consider. He had some control when it came to helping Yosuke cope if his friend did feel the same way, but he had no control over the people Yosuke sought the most praise from.

"Your turn. I'll pick another movie we can fall asleep to while you get ready," Yosuke stated as he came back in the room.

The leader stood up, putting his thoughts aside for the moment, and sorted through his bag to grab what he needed. It didn't take but a few minutes to get dressed and finish up his nightly routine before he rejoined his friend. Sure enough, another movie was loaded, but it was a more mellow choice than the previous one.

"Less noise than the last one, lighting is a lot darker, so it'll be easier to have playing in the background," the other teen explained, having gotten settled under the covers.

The volume was lowered further as Souji wrapped himself up in the covers that still had the comforting scent of the one he loved. Their normal ritual was to fall asleep with music or a movie in the background, and last night had been a fluke with Yosuke's sickness taking precedent, so it was smell of what surrounded him that kept the voice at bay. And he'd admit everything once he told Yosuke how he felt, but these secrets would have to remain his own until then.

"Hey, partner."

"Hmm?"

"Don't forget your promise."

Souji couldn't contain the soft laughter that followed Yosuke's words. "How could I?"

Yosuke scoffed, "You have a tendency to think you're more clever than you really are, remember?"

He had made the promise, and he intended to keep it, he just hoped they made more progress later on that day before he fulfilled his end. As it stood, things were looking more complicated than ever.

"Don't forget that we also have to meet with the others."

The other boy sounded annoyed when he responded, "Yeah, 'how could I'? I know your tricks. Don't think that's going to change anything."

"I understand," Souji conceded. "Good night."

"Good night, partner... And thanks for telling me some of what's been on your mind."

"The same goes for you as well." The leader allowed himself another smile. "And thank you for listening."

He heard his friend yawn and then shuffle around trying to get comfortable, but that was the end of their conversations for the evening. He also needed to sleep, but there were the other half dozen problems with his Personas and 'Shadow' that wouldn't allow it. His Personas were a constant since the quiet was now unsettling without their white noise to comfort him, and he was so thankful that a movie was droning on in the background.

The biggest issue were the things his 'Shadow' had said. He had a vague notion of what would be said to his friends when he was staring down his other self, but it was the threats he kept receiving that put him on edge the most. His friends. Adachi. Inaba. Yosuke. In that mess, there was bound to be something he'd yet to consider.

Would he be dealing with that as early as tomorrow? What kind of place would his mind create if that was truly what they were up against? Could he deal with anything now that the Goddess was gone and Teddie's world had been fixed? How would his friends react? How would Yosuke react? He'd thought what his 'Shadow' had to say was pretty damning already, so the idea of what lay ahead was enough to break him out in a cold sweat.

"That's very true. What will I reveal to everyone you've come to care about? Those who confide in someone they find to be stronger than themselves."

He was back, and Souji had known the risk, but unlike all the other times, his heart failed to start racing.

The 'Shadow' threaded his fingers over and over through Souji's hair as he spoke, "What if... I tell him before you ever get the chance to?"

And for the first time, Souji got to celebrate a victory over the darker part of himself; in fact, there wasn't even the slightest bit of worry in his heart.

Because there was nothing he was more certain of than his love for Yosuke.


	10. Chapter 9 - Yosuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 from Yosuke's perspective.

Yosuke pushed the drive close and snatched up the DVD player's remote before making his way back to the couch. "Alright, best movie ever time. Think you can manage without subtitles, genius?"

His partner had a smirk when he answered, "Is there any other way to watch this cinematic work of art?"

"Damn right."

He went to sit, but noticed that Souji was less centered and favoring one side of the couch. If he weren't also moving his limbs ever so slightly away from where Yosuke would be sitting, the other teen wouldn't have even noticed at all. It had to be because Yosuke had been acting so damn weird earlier, and he knew that Souji always tried to go out of his way to accommodate Yosuke however he could, but maybe it was his turn to make a point. With his best friend pouring his heart out not even five minutes ago, it was pretty clear he was hurting and just now letting Yosuke see half of what he was dealing with. Plus, he didn't mind being close to Souji now—earlier had just been a panic move. Actually, 'close' sounded... pretty okay. Then again, he _was_ pretty tired and it took energy to over think the way he usually did.

When he finally sat down he was only a few inches away from his friend, and as per usual, Yosuke opened his mouth to try and cover his awkwardness. "I'm going to try so hard not to talk this time."

"You say that every time."

"And I try to mean it."

It'd been a long day full of serious and Yosuke was kind of burnt out with his own inner turmoil. When he'd—ugh, was realized even the right term? Would confused be more appropriate? Sure, he'd definitely thought about Souji in a... romantic way for a second, but that was just him—

Takehaya Susano-o didn't give him a chance before the Persona put an almost painful amount of pressure against his forehead.

...

Who was he kidding? The thought of Souji made his heart sing and stomach drop, and those were two pretty conflicting feelings to have simultaneously. Those symptoms stemmed from a list of emotions that had a very narrow range.

His eyes followed the scenes in the movie and as the main detective characters interacted on the screen, he tried to imagine it being the two of them. Souji was absolutely the serious one while Yosuke would no doubt be the comic relief that was still talented at his job, but also brought his partner out of his shell. Could they go back to being those same friends now that Yosuke was having these feelings? Could Souji tell? Was that why he wanted the space? ...Was he weirded out? No, Souji wasn't even capable of that when it came to Yosuke—Junes made that obvious.

He needed to just give up this fight for the evening and revisit it after a good night's sleep. Things would make more sense tomorrow.

He closed his eyes for a moment as they started to burn from a mixture of his poor sleep schedule and his still unconquered sickness. The dark was welcome as his eyes tried to recover from the dryness, but it also made his limbs heavy and he could feel a yawn building. It wasn't often he got to feel this at ease, but with Souji it was always easy. He knew his head was struggling to keep itself up as he would accidently doze for a moment and catch himself almost immediately afterwards.

Souji wouldn't care if he took a quick five minutes, so he gave up and didn't fight it after the tenth time. And now that he was thinking about it, what was his head resting on? It wasn't a pillow, but it was nice and warm; in fact, it wasn't very soft, but it was the perfect size, even if it was moving just a bit. His mind was still in limbo as he realized it was Souji's shoulder he'd settled on, but it didn't alarm him. Should he be moving away? Maybe it was due to his exhaustion, but he was going to stay put. This was nice.

His inhibitions were lowered further as he slipped more and more into the lull just before sleep. He even stayed still as Souji's thigh pressed to his and his partner's hand fell against his open palm. The warmth was so comforting and Yosuke found himself getting lost in how right it felt. If he didn't have paranoia at the forefront of his mind it was much easier to think. He never believed he'd ever trust or care for someone as much as he did Souji. What his best friend had said earlier matched his own feeling completely.

' _...it's always different with you. It's almost too effortless_.'

Those words had nearly knocked him over. Souji seemed so intense the entire time he was speaking and it was even a little intimidating. Was that how best friends normally talked? He found himself wondering if that was how they'd talked in the past; once again, he almost couldn't remember. Was he really relearning his partner or was it because their dynamic was changing? Souji seemed different with him, but it wasn't an unwelcome change... Was Souji confused like he was? No, there was no crazy way Souji was confused like he was—the guy was never confused about anything really, but did he know something Yosuke didn't? What was he feeling?

His mind wasn't ready to leave its sleepy limbo and it pulled him further away from his thoughts, and he found his eyes far too heavy to open now. Five minutes.

===

It was a deep rumble that woke him up. At first he couldn't place the sound, but as the noise echoed around in his mind he placed it. Souji's voice.

"Mmm, sorry, did I pass out?" he asked, reluctantly leaving the comfort of... where had he fallen asleep? It didn't matter.

"Yeah, but it's okay. You've pushed yourself enough these past couple days," his partner answered following a sigh.

Yosuke was still slow to process, but he knew relief when he heard it. He tried to rub his eyes awake to get a good look at his friend only to find that Souji's face matched the tone of his voice. "You look kinda freaked out. You alright?"

"Now I am."

Yosuke knew what 'now' meant. "Did 'it' come back?"

"...'It' did."

Yosuke felt his chest tighten at the thought of having missed the moment. Souji had been alone. Again. "Did it have anything to say?"

"Always."

No details. Not surprising with Souji. Not surprising after Yosuke had let him down.

Still, Yosuke tried. "Wanna talk about it?" He moved his body to face Souji, making it clear he was awake and this was priority number one.

His best friend hesitated before deflecting with, "You got a text while you were asleep."

Few people would text Yosuke. None were as important as Souji.

Conclusion: it didn't matter.

"Oh? What'd it say?" He tried to sound as calm as he could, but he wanted Souji to tell him the truth. However, being pushy was not a right he'd earned back just yet.

"Well, it was from... Ume, so I didn't want to intrude," Souji answered with a hint of something in his voice. What was it?

Still, Yosuke found his answer funny. "That doesn't matter. You can read whatever garbage you want in that old thing anytime you want. Not like I lead a very interesting life. Just ignore all the texts I've saved from our conversations. I reread them when I need an ego boost, which is—ya know, pretty often."

Did Souji really think that Ume was something that was a secret? Why would he think something so ridiculous? She was just some girl.

A girl who didn't matter like _that_.

His stomach flipped for a moment when he thought about it. Some girl... Well, having Souji here made things a lot more complicated after all. Why did Souji cause everyone to have so much introspection? Earlier Souji might have said he didn't do all that much to help, but there was just some aura about the guy that made people face everything they didn't want to see. It was like having a Shadow that branched conversation over months rather than minutes.

And was actually pleasant, and a lot less deadly. As long as his blade was aimed at an enemy, anyway.

Souji seemed relieved from what Yosuke had said and offered his own unnecessary reassurance. For a moment it felt like a few months ago. They joked like old times, Yosuke got to pick on him a little, but now the heavy topic was all that was left.

The Inaba teen tried again. "By the way, that was a pretty lame attempt to dodge my question, but just know that when you want to talk, I'm here."

The leader shook his head. "Hmm, thought I was being clever."

That 'hmm' wasn't working this time.

"You're not as clever as you seem to think."

Finally, Souji smiled. " Maybe, but you're also the only one who seems to see through me, remember?"

His words were choking. Why couldn't he just stop being complimentary? Yosuke couldn't handle it with the way his heart was a mess.

"No, you're just not the best with misdirection."

"Take the damn compliment," Souji threw Yosuke's words back at him and grabbed his phone. "Here, it's been about half an hour now."

Annoyance overrode his nerves and Yosuke groaned in frustration. Who? WHO? It still didn't matter.

_hanamuraaaa-senpaiiiiii i'm all lonelyyyy. call me. ;3_

Ume? That seemed... off.

_don't you want to taaaalk?_

_Sorry, my friends took my phone. Please don't call, they're just being them._

That one looked right.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just her friends grabbed her phone and she sent some apology text. Probably the same friends that left that dumb note in my locker," he answered, not censoring his irritation.

His friend had a peculiar look on his face. "Do you want to talk about her? You haven't really told me much."

He didn't want to answer Ume or this question. It wasn't anything against Souji, but the more he talked about her the more he was having to accept that this act he was pulling wasn't going to work out. So, he rambled, unsure of what direction he'd go by the end. Things like, who was Ume to him, really? Where was it going to go? Was he an asshole? Maybe Souji could offer insight.

By the end, Souji looked somewhat relieved again. "It's fine. It's nice to get attention every now and then. As long as you don't start something you don't intend to follow through with, I think it's a good learning experience. That's human nature."

At least he could laugh at it. "Leave it to you to make it all sound so clinical. Still, I don't know how to just say I'm not interested in that kind of relationship..."

But even as he finished the sentence, he knew that he was also guilty of trying to hide the truth from his friend. Human nature, huh? Maybe last year that'd have been the reason, but it really didn't have to do with her at all... Not really.

"Why don't you sound so sure of that?"

And of course his partner noticed right away, and maybe... maybe he could use that. Maybe if he told Souji the truth he would trust Yosuke again. If Souji had poured his heart out earlier, maybe this would be an even trade. Maybe it would help Souji feel at ease that he didn't need to have everything together, because Yosuke sure didn't. And it was obvious and had been from the beginning. The moment before he opened the door to the roof, the moment he'd seen his dad's message, he knew. Everything he was about to confess, would Souji look at him any differently?

_'Nothing can change that?'_

Hadn't Souji asked him that already? Hadn't that conclusion already been decided?

"You're just gonna laugh," Yosuke said with less and less confidence in his voice.

Souji looked uneasy. "I promise you, that will not happen."

His partner's eyes were too intense for him and he looked down. "This is going to sound so dumb, but... it's just... it seems like, in a weird way, my dad is happy about it. I'm not sure how else to explain other than maybe I'm just enjoying the actual praise I've been getting from him this past month. He's never really seemed all that proud of me, but now he's asking about my day and not every word that comes out of his mouth is negative." A pathetic laugh escaped. "Like I said, it sounds stupid, but I'm hanging on to what I can. Maybe he feels like I'm less of a waste of space."

Souji didn't answer. Minutes passed without response and nerves made Yosuke finally look back up. "Partner? My dumb explanation leave you speechless?"

His friend looked almost startled when he answered, "No, sorry, just processing a response... I think you should do whatever makes you happiest, but I also think you should be practical about it. It's not just you involved in this, and in the end it's going to hurt her more than you."

Honest, albeit a little cold. Just the way Yosuke needed his advice. "Yeah, I know, it's just not my area of expertise." Because if Souji had been a friend that wasn't direct, Yosuke wouldn't have known what to do. He was emotionally inept enough for two people.

Souji continued, " I don't want to sound presumptuous, but are those the only reasons? Just the attention and your dad? It's... That just doesn't sound like you."

Part two was being requested. The one that actually mattered. This one might have actually been something his own Shadow would have mentioned last year. Still, he at least knew how to see the truth now, even if he didn't want to. How would he word this? In the end, he'd have to tell Souji everything about that week. About his dad, Ume, his own weakness that he _still_ couldn't overcome.

"No... I'm just not sure how to say it without sounding like the person I was last year."

Because he hated that person.

"There's nothing you can say that will change my mind about you."

Leave it to Souji to be positive despite all of Yosuke's stupidity.

"Heh, I know... This time it's... more me, I guess. But I guess it's only fair to tell you since you told me all of that earlier. I just don't like this about me."

"Please." Souji's voice was heavy with worry, Yosuke didn't miss it.

Would his explanation really help his friend feel better? What would it relieve? Souji should be worrying about himself right now, but he always put everyone else first. Yosuke's dull eyes focused on Souji's for only a moment before the steel color was too cutting once more. He looked away, always feeling like the guy could see right through him. It had to happen, so why not now? Five minutes from now would only make it more awkward.

"Partner... I don't want you to think I'm the same as I was last year... Hell, I even apologized to Kanji for being a total asshole... You know how my parents are—especially my dad, and how they are really conservative or whatever... Well, my dad came home from work the other day and was complaining about these two kids that he had to deal with. It was just two teenagers messing around in one of the stock rooms... but it was two guys and my dad was on the warpath about it.

"Anyway, he was more pissed than usual and he was even snapping at my mom. He never made any comments directly towards me, but my dad tends to spiral when he gets hung up on something. It's beyond dumb, and it's something the old Yosuke would do, but I panicked. I didn't want to do one wrong thing and my dad start hounding me about not having a girlfriend since this was gonna get out and he's all about his reputation. I know I sound insane, but that's how he is with stuff like this. He didn't get the son he wanted, so he tries to cling to every traditional thing he can when it comes to me... Maybe that's why I try to compensate the way I do. Not that it's an excuse, but I'm just trying to find some explanation for my crazy reasoning."

He took a breath. It was all there. All the embarrassing truth had been laid out and he couldn't take it back and...

And things didn't feel much better.

He finished, " You must think I'm a piece of shit... You should. I know I do."

Souji remained quiet and Yosuke refused to look up. Somehow the lack of judgment Souji's eyes always carried were worse in moments like this. He wanted Souji to tell him how wrong he was, how terrible he was, but that it was okay because they'd figure it out together. Wasn't that usually how it went? Yosuke would fall to pieces and Souji would put him back together again. However, wasn't that a pretty selfish thing to expect right now? His partner was literally seeing a Shadow and Yosuke was bitching about how he didn't know how to deal with his dad. When was Souji ever going to get the chance to fall apart? Well, more correctly, when was Yosuke going to actually be there for him like he was supposed to be? Because he'd done a shit job last week.

Souji broke the silence. "No, I think that you just want to make your parents proud and their views conflict with what you want yours to be."

But he also knew he was practically addicted to hearing Souji reassure him. Nothing seemed to cheer everyone up quite like their leader's words of encouragement. He'd see the comforting smile his best friend always had and—huh? Yosuke's eyes widened as he finally looked up and he saw nothing but tears on Souji's blank face.

His chest was on fire. His partner was crying. He was hurting. All reservations fled and his hands were wiping the tears away before he even realized it. It seemed to startle his friend.

"Souji, what's wrong?" His voice was anything but steady.

What had he said? What had he done?

"Partner, talk to me. What's wrong?"

The world felt hollow and miles away as all his senses focused in on the person he cared most about. If it meant he could fix anything that he'd broken, he'd tell Souji everything he was feeling—good and bad. Was he miserable because Yosuke _was_ being this selfish?

Souji took a deep breath, but never moved away. "I'm just... very emotional without my Personas. I can't explain it. Things that wouldn't have bothered me so strongly before seem to... well, do this."

Then, Yosuke remembered that December night.

Souji putting up that front that he was strong—because he had to be, he was never allowed to be anything else. Or, he placed that burden on himself, at least. Yosuke could remember the weight of Souji in his arms as his friend sobbed, the freezing sensation as his friend's tears soaked through layers of his clothes and how he'd heard raw pain for the first time. No sound on earth was quite as gut-wrenching as the cries of someone who had lost one they loved.

Every tear Yosuke watched slip through his fingers stung for a different reason now.

"What part is bothering you?"

What had he said to cause Souji to break like this? What was he missing here? Souji losing his Personas was not the full story, there was just no way.

Souji's face tensed against his hands. "That you don't feel like you get to decide what makes you happy... I _hate_ it."

Yosuke almost laughed in disbelief, because of course it was about him... No one had _ever_ cared about him like Souji did. Quite honestly, he felt like no one ever would. Seeing Souji like this and hearing the pain in his voice... All he felt was agony knot up his insides. God, what a mess everything was. Was loving someone _this_ hard?

...

...

...

...Love?

In an instant, everything over the past few months flooded his memories. Every conversation, every text, every thought or feeling. Just like the day Yosuke had accepted Him, Takehaya Susano-o sent the same sensation of liberation through him that feathered out to even his fingertips. Even if he hadn't wanted the affirmation, there wasn't anything he could do against his own Persona's wishes. Here, staring his crying partner in the face, that 'love' hit him square in the chest. And the word that Souji had used was 'hate'. Yosuke's adrenaline was pumping, he didn't want to think about what loving Souji meant, he just wanted to see his friend okay again.

He moved to gently take his partner's hands, remembering how early this simple touch seemed to have helped Souji. He felt the fire crawling up from his neck and covering his face. Every touch from Souji always fought against his instincts to push back. "I don't think I've ever heard you say you hate anything... I don't know what to make of that."

Hate. Had Souji ever said that before? But it was because Yosuke couldn't be happy, or at least that's how Souji saw it, so what did that mean? He didn't want it to mean this much to Souji that it'd do this to him.

But Souji's tears finally stopped and Yosuke felt their hands grow more intertwined and tightly bound. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to sound directed at you, just the idea. I don't blame you for anything you said."

He wasn't sure what had caused the sudden shift, because it certainly couldn't have been anything he'd said. Deep down he hoped that his touch had the same effect on his partner as Souji's did to him. What was going on in Souji's mind? There was no way this was all, he had to be shielding Yosuke from something. Yosuke wanted to take everything back, to keep Souji safe from all the crazy Yosuke had bottled up in his head. He could have figured this out on his own, he didn't need to burden his best friend with something so trivial in comparison. How many conflicting thoughts could one person have going on at once?

"I think you should. I kind of wish you'd just smack some sense into me... Maybe I'm overdue to get my ass kicked by you," he said, trying to hide his nerves with humor. "And you don't have to take what I said so seriously. It was a panic move and I know I have to do something about it, but it was just hard to admit. More than a little embarrassing, that's for sure."

Souji's thumbs were tracing circles over Yosuke's skin. "Then we'll schedule a fight for old times' sake before the end of the week... I'm sorry that I made you worry. I didn't mean to do that."

He shouldn't have been apologizing for anything. In truth, Yosuke should have been the one groveling on the damn ground. Then, ashamedly, he found himself feeling a bit proud. Where had that come from? Now that Souji was done crying, did that make it better? No, of course not. How could it? The end of tears didn't signal the end of a problem. But still, that most selfish part of him felt pleased that his best friend was offering Yosuke the words he needed most. Even before his feelings had evolved, this was a part of their friendship he'd felt guilty for.

"Nah, I'm kinda happy in, like, the most messed up way possible, probably. It's nice when you show that you aren't some invulnerable person... It's just kind of shitty that I'm usually the reason you're upset."

Because that was the painful truth.

Souji wasn't mad at him, he was mad for him. Even though he'd wanted to be honest and help Souji trust him, Yosuke had also been so terrified that Souji would finally just be done with his close-mindedness and get up and walk out; after all, Souji had been the one to actually have a few sit down conversation with him after rescuing Kanji. Instead, here he was, defending Yosuke when he didn't deserve it.

"It's not for the reason you think."

... The reason?

Yosuke opened his mouth to say... what? What was there to say or ask with that? Besides asking what the reason was, because Yosuke didn't have a clue. Well, not a safe one. The only real guess was that...

Those same conversations came back, and every sentence that had confused him seemed to now make sense if—

" _I can't do this myself, Yosuke; I've tried and clearly failed... I need you_.'

' _You're the most important person to me._ '

' _They wouldn't be my ideal partner._ '

' _I think it's safe to assume you've already guessed what I'm about to say, whether you've fully realized yet or not_.'

...Wait.

All those times he'd...

Did Souji... care about him too?

...

No.

No he could _not_ think about that right now. Too much had just happened. His thoughts were too fragmented.

"W-well, whatever that is, I'm glad you trust me," he stammered out to clear his head for a moment. "Geez, we've been so sappy recently... Haven't we had enough serious talks for one day?"

Recently? What a joke.

Souji had an amused smile now. "It's just after midnight, so technically it's a new day."

A new wave of guilt hit him. "Is it _that_ late? How?"

"I suppose I'm a slow speaker. We've been talking for some time... The menu has been on repeat for ages."

"I bet my parents came back while we were talking... No way we can take a bath without waking them up... Wait, and we're going to see Nanako in the morning. Then again, my parents go to work early—well, Dad does, but Mom usually follows... Do you care to wait?" He felt awful to inconvenience Souji like this after he'd just had what was probably the worst night since Yosuke had broken his promise.

However, Souji seemed to be alright. "It's fine. I'll wake us up around five if that's okay with you. You should try to get a few hours since you're not fully healed."

Still worrying about him when he should have been worrying about himself. Yosuke needed to get out of the room. He had to clear his head.

 "Alright, then let's—" Then Yosuke remembered that the warmth surrounding his hands belonged to Souji. He looked down and felt the same warmth spread through his chest. As much as he needed out, he also didn't want to let go, and with the way Souji had laced his fingers through the same lovely mess, neither did he. However, he couldn't have both. Yosuke reluctantly let go and got up. "Let's go to bed. I'll go brush my teeth and be right back."

His heart pounded the entire walk to the bathroom and his hands were shaking so badly by the end that he had to grip the sink to hold himself together.

So, he loved Souji.

Loved.

 **Love**.

What a word.

He closed his eyes and saw Souji's tears and his father's angry face side by side. For the first time, he cared almost nothing for the man glaring back at him in comparison to what he truly felt in his heart. The only problem now was that he didn't _want_ to love Souji. All his conflicting beliefs aside, he just wanted to see Souji as his best friend. It would have been so much better if things had just stayed the same. Yosuke had wanted to keep his best friend, follow that generic life plan he had and just let that be the end of things.

Why? Why did his head have to mess everything up?

Because he knew he couldn't just stop texting or calling Souji after this week. As it stood, with how powerful of a sway Souji unknowingly held over him, he'd never be able to look at his partner as anything less. Why couldn't the guy just be a little less caring and a little more cold? It wasn't fair. Unwanted love was fucking awful. He had always wanted the first time he fell in love with someone to be this magical thing and he didn't care how dumb it sounded. He wasn't asking for movie moment perfect, but damn, did it _have_ to be Souji? And if it did, why couldn't the world view things differently? And if it couldn't, then why couldn't he?

His nausea was overwhelming. Souji was a guy. He was a guy. It just wasn't _normal_. At least, that's what he was trying to get his mind to remember. He thought about any other guy and it made him shudder, but Souji... it felt as natural as thinking about a girl. Well, at least in terms of whether he could love them.

The water he used to wash his face was freezing cold and it blinded his reason for mere seconds at a time. This was a problem he was going to be up all night thinking about. What if going to sleep was the bad idea? What if his dreams showed him things he didn't want to see? When he finally forced himself back to his room, Souji was still sitting and staring off into space.

His cheeks started to burn. Yosuke refused to acknowledge how nice Souji's normally pale features contrasted with the dim light from the TV. The nausea came back. "Your turn. I'll pick another movie we can fall asleep to while you get ready."

His friend seemed back to normal as he got his things together and took his turn. Yosuke, however, still had trembling fingers as he sorted through his movie collection. Was it possible to love just Souji and find all other guys disgusting? Because he hadn't even found Souji... attractive before today. He could acknowledge that other girls probably found him nice to look at, but he'd never once felt this way before. Was it possible to love someone just because of their personality and not want anything more? Because other things were typically expected to go along with a romantic relationship...

A mellow movie. That's what he needed. Monotonous everything. He'd go right to sleep.

Souji was back far quicker than Yosuke had expected, but it was fine. He could fake normal. "Less noise than the last one, lighting is a lot darker, so it'll be easier to have playing in the background."

Either Souji didn't care or he had nothing to add because he started getting comfortable in Yosuke's bed without another word. It was really difficult to see Souji in his bed after having realized how he felt. He really didn't want to like it the way he did. Just because he didn't want to love Souji didn't mean that he didn't want to want it. He was going in infuriating circles. Why were these polar opposite feelings so strong? Even his Persona had given up on him, or maybe He knew that Yosuke had given up on himself. He could face that he loved Souji, he could accept that he wanted to be and didn't want to be happy about it, but he couldn't deal with the thought of Souji finding out. Souji was too polite of a person to crush Yosuke's heart the way he needed him to. He wanted blunt rejection rather than acceptance, because then maybe things could go back to being easier. Life would be too much of a wreck to try and make 'them' work and Yosuke really just wanted simple.

He gripped his covers tightly and squeezed his eyes painfully shut. No. Right now he had to be Souji's best friend. For once in his damn life, he had to put his heart completely to the side. Nothing could be allowed to influence this mission. Souji came first, their friendship was priority here, and Souji needed his best friend to get his shit together and save him.

"Hey, partner."

"Hmm?"

"Don't forget your promise."

Souji's quiet laughter caused Yosuke's chest to swell. "How could I?"

"You have a tendency to think you're more clever than you really are, remember?"

"Don't forget that we also have to meet with the others," his friend said in a playful tone.

Yes, the other part of his problem. Everyone else. Explaining to things to them would be worlds apart from how it'd been explained to him. "Yeah, 'how could I'? I know your tricks. Don't think that's going to change anything."

"I understand. Good night."

And because of how well he knew the boy near him, he could practically hear the smile in his voice. Perhaps tonight _had_ helped Souji. He might have been a wreck, but one good thing had come out of it. The most important thing. "Good night, partner... And thanks for telling me some of what's been on your mind."

"The same goes for you as well. And thank you for listening."

Yosuke stopped the conversation there, feeling his annoying habit of wanting to ramble trying to surface. There were so many things he wanted to say and ask that he knew he shouldn't. He pushed them back in the corner where he was keeping his self-doubt. What did you do when the one who kept you grounded needed you to take that role? Did Souji already see Yosuke like that? Yosuke wasn't sure what he could possibly offer that his partner didn't do a thousand times better, but whatever Souji needed, at least he saw it in Yosuke.

Tomorrow would be the real start of everything. If they met Souji's Shadow, what would It have to say about Yosuke? After all, even Chie's had some painful things to say about Yukiko, and Yukiko hadn't even been there to hear it. If It had anything to say about anyone other than Souji, It'd definitely be talking about Yosuke. That wasn't arrogance, that was just probability working against him. Whatever it might be, it was deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might have been repetitive to read the same dialogue over, but this was probably the most important turning point for Yosuke in the story so far. To me, there was no way I could omit it. The actual chapter will be the next update. :) Thanks to everyone for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

'Today will be better,' Souji thought. He almost felt like it just _had_ to be.

He pressed the button to light up his watch and grimaced. 5:03 AM. Last night had been hell. He'd managed maybe—what, two hours? That sounded like a decent guess. His Shadow had talked his ear off for what felt like an eternity, and it wasn't until he practically suffocated himself in Yosuke's pillow that his tormentor had given up the fight. Well, at least in the form of leaning over him. Souji had almost snapped and woke Yosuke up, but he persevered because he knew the TV that day was going to take a toll on the sickly teen. Not to mention, what was he going to tell Yosuke? Because he'd want to know what the Shadow was saying—or whatever the hell passed for a Shadow these days. Souji wasn't so sure that he even knew. Why was his so special?

It didn't matter.

It was time to get up.

He rolled himself up to a sitting position, not used to losing so much sleep. It'd been this way, and until they got rid of his Shadow, it'd continue. Even with Yosuke having helped, he managed four or five hours on a good day since it all started.

He decided to get ready first and also decided that he'd help Yosuke's mother and father by starting the coffee. Souji was used to getting up early, and his biological clock always stayed constant even during breaks. More often than not, he'd be the one starting the coffee for Yosuke's parents out of courtesy. He made standing up a three step process with how achy his body was starting to feel. It wasn't sickness, just fatigue. He hoped that the TV would be easier than before since the Goddess' defeat, because not having Personas was probably going to be a nightmare.

He ruffled his hair to the side in an attempt to look a little neater so he didn't terrify Yosuke's parents if they came in the kitchen. No sense in looking like a grumpy monster when he hadn't even greeted Yosuke's father yet. The teen shuffled through the various cabinets to get everything together because—of course—he was awake before anyone else. The machine was still the same, the Hanamura family still had the same mugs and they still used the same brand coffee. It kind of pleased Souji that he could remember the routines of those around him. As he prepped everything for the family, he thought about what he'd be making for Nanako and his uncle—

Oh, right.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and texted his uncle, knowing the older man would be awake. That might have been startling to show up without notifying them. Dojima had insisted that Souji keep his house key, but it still felt rude.

"Morning, Seta," a gruff voice called from behind the teen.

"Good morning, Mr. Hanamura," Souji greeted politely, turning to face him with a small smile.

Yosuke's father joined Souji at the counter, already grabbing for his cup. "Thanks for making coffee."

The teen nodded. "Thank you for allowing me to stay for the week."

"It's fine. You clean up after yourself and you're going to help out. Maybe you could teach Yosuke a thing or two about responsibility."

It stung to hear him talk about Yosuke even though he knew it was more of an indirect compliment towards Souji than anything. Souji had to admit, Yosuke's parents really liked him—they told him multiple times that Yosuke was lucky to have him as a best friend (not that Souji didn't feel equally as lucky for Yosuke). It just hurt because he knew all of the problems on the horizon.

Still, he dodged. "Were you needing us this afternoon?"

The older man took a sip of his coffee, but didn't answer right away.

Souji stood there as casually as he could manage, but he was hoping that it'd be the following day since their friends would be meeting later that afternoon. However, he couldn't exactly say no.

"I think we're scheduled pretty heavily today, but I may need you guys sometime this week. You can ask those friends of yours if they want to help. Satonaka still helps out," he finally responded.

A wave of relief did wonders to wake Souji up and he smiled once more. "Of course. I don't think many of them would mind."

"That one kid that stayed with us is a good worker, but he can only work so long before he gets distracted. It's good when Yosuke is around so he can keep him grounded."

Ah, Teddie. "I'm glad he's doing well. I'll make sure to tell Yosuke when he wakes up about this week."

Be polite.

Don't show any weakness.

He had to remind himself that even though this was a losing battle, he wouldn't give Yosuke's father an ounce of ammunition to use against him. He hoped that Yosuke would return his feelings—although that seemed unlikely—but his father was going to be Souji's biggest opponent. It was almost like a game, because Souji wanted this man to think he was a great person, and then only have the fact that Souji was male to use in his argument. It wasn't the most healthy or ethical thing to do, it wouldn't even mean things would change in the end, but it was as close to victory as Souji would get.

"Thanks again for the coffee. I'm going to get ready and head out," he finished, setting his cup in the sink. "Tell Yosuke I said to call me later on."

Souji's stomach did a flip. "Yes, sir."

The man walked out of the kitchen and Souji waited for Yosuke's mother. She always followed.

"Souji, good morning. Did you sleep well?"

Right on time.

"Good morning, Mrs. Hanamura. I did, thank you." He was sure he looked like a mess, but she wasn't actually 'concerned'. Yosuke's mother was a person that was more about appearing polite than sincere. Honestly, that disconnect was welcomed from time to time.

She took her own mug and inhaled deeply. "Oh, thank you for the coffee. You always make it so well."

"I appreciate that. Thank you." He checked off a mental list to make sure he was appearing as ideal a person as he could. Souji might have thought Yosuke's mother was distant, but he was also guilty of doing the same. It was hard to respect people who made life difficult for the one he loved. Sure, Yosuke didn't want or need for a thing, but emotional support couldn't be bought. Souji was well-versed in that painful truth.

She took a sip and set it back down. "Will you two be meeting up with your friends?"

The teen nodded. "Yes, after I see my uncle and cousin this morning."

"That'll be nice. I hope you two will enjoy it." Her pleasant tone was clearly forced. She was so robotic with him it was almost nauseating.

He had no choice but to return the same tone; however, he was much better at delivering it. "It'll be nice to be back in Inaba with everyone. Thank you again for letting me stay this week."

"Not at all. I'm thankful Yosuke has such a responsible friend and role model. I'm just sorry you'll have to return back to the city."

If only she knew.

 _What? That you want to corrupt him_?

...

His Shadow.

Even in his mind he couldn't get peace and quiet. He thought things might be better since he was back in Inaba, in Yosuke's house, but it seemed to be getting progressively worse. Even after his Shadow had disappeared from sight last night, there was incessant berating in his mind. He'd been very thankful for that pillow.

_You need to just get your team together and let them see the real you. Better to get this over with so you can go back to being all alone. There was a lot less risk back then._

He ignored the chatter in his head and focused back on the tired woman in front of him. "I'm thankful to have Yosuke as a friend as well. It'll be hard leaving everyone again."

"I'm glad to hear that you two have gotten so close... Actually, Souji, I—" She paused and looked down at her coffee. "Never mind, I'm sorry." Her voice had been almost solemn, void of faux politeness. It was the most genuine she'd sounded, at least with Souji. She might have liked him as a person well enough, but she'd never mentioned anything like this. It piqued his interest.

"Yes, Mrs. Hanamura?"

Yosuke's mother gave a weak smile, but didn't meet Souji's eyes. "I... I was always so afraid that Yosuke would have a difficult time making friends... People tended to take advantage of him because he'd go out of his way to do them favors, expecting nothing in return. You're the only one I've ever met that seems to want what's best for him. His studies improved, he does more than sit in his room and listen to music... To lock himself away..." She looked up, her eyes misty. "I've never had a chance to tell you, but... thank you... Thank you for helping Yosuke."

Souji didn't know what to say or how to react. Was this the same woman he'd interacted with in the past? The same woman he'd talked with thirty seconds ago? It was so unexpected to hear this in a kitchen at five in the morning; then again, they'd never really been alone before, so maybe that had something to do with it.

She laughed softly. "I'm sorry if that was out of line. Just, as his mother, it means a great deal to me."

It was all the truth, Souji could clearly read that. Maybe Yosuke's mother didn't know how to properly communicate with her son, maybe she was just lost on what to do for a teenage boy that also didn't know what to do with his parents. Souji knew his own mother certainly hadn't understood him, but she was trying now. So, maybe, Mrs. Hanamura was trying to do the same.

"Not at all. That... that actually means... Thank you." He felt out of place, like he wasn't equipped to handle such a serious conversation. It wasn't anything extraordinary, it was just Yosuke's mother thanking him, but he'd declared war on them before they'd even made a move. As much as he disliked Yosuke's parents for what they'd done, it almost reminded him of his uncle. They also had a disconnect from their child, but that didn't mean they didn't love him...

Suddenly, he felt very small. Had he been that naïve again?

"Please continue to care for him. I understand you'll both be graduating soon, and now live apart, but I hope you continue to be good friends."

He'd happily accept the full weight of that, whether it just be friendship or, perhaps, love. If she was so thankful already, would Yosuke's mother truly reject them as a couple? Could she accept them with time? Did he at least stand a chance with her? It'd be easier if at least one parent was on their side. Why was he thinking about it like it'd already happened? Yosuke's opinion was the first factor in the equation.

"I don't think that'll ever change. We've been through quite a bit," Souji explained, moving to make Yosuke some tea for his no doubt sore throat. After all, soon he'd have to wake his best friend up.

She let out a relieved sigh. "I'm happy to hear it... I suppose I should get ready as well. Thank you again, Souji. You're always welcome here."

His back was to her for another moment, needing that second to collect himself. It was going to be so hard to have heard her kind words when he was about to betray that trust she'd imagined between them. Regardless of Yosuke's answer, things would be complicated for some time.

He turned. "I greatly appreciate it. Have a good day, Mrs. Hanamura."

A moment later, the teen was alone once more. To his surprise, the Shadow had finally quieted down, but his own thoughts weren't full of positivity.

"My own thoughts... Heh," he whispered, remembering that the Shadow _was_ him, so that theory couldn't work. Souji had a sad, worn out smile.

Today would be better, if only for a few hours.

===

"Partner, you are awesome. Thank you so much," Yosuke said through a cracking voice, trying to sip on his tea. He sounded ridiculous and pathetically adorable.

"You're very welcome. Although, I think you should hold off on the thanks since we have a long day ahead. I did wake you up at 5:30, after all."

His friend yawned and flipped his phone open with his free hand. "Damn. I take it all back."

Souji smiled and checked his own phone. "My uncle says it's fine to go over."

"Yeah, duh. Like he could say no. Even if he wanted to, I don't even want to think of how Nanako would react," Yosuke replied with a lazy grin.

Souji felt his ears burn when he noticed how nice that smile looked on him. "That's true, I suppose."

"Well, go take a bath. I'll try to wake up so I don't pass out and drown," his friend insisted, rolling his shoulders a few times.

"Do you feel better? Besides fatigue, I mean."

"Yeah, that soup should be sold as a cure-all. My throat hurts, but that's only because it's almost healed up. I think my body just feels stiff from my crap sleep schedule."

The leader nodded. "We'll go to bed earlier tonight."

Yosuke was quiet for a moment before ruffling his hair and looking away awkwardly. "Maybe... I mean, there's a lot to do today."

What were the odds that Yosuke would be too tired after the TV to have that 'talk'?

"Oh, and Souji, don't think I'm forgetting about the stuff you and I are talking about after we meet up with the group. Not happening." His face was smug when he finished.

"Are you in my head again?"

"Nope, you're just that easy to read."

Souji felt the blood creep from his ears to his cheeks. "If that's true... maybe we don't need to have the conversation."

Yosuke wouldn't guess, and Souji didn't want him to, so why was he saying this stuff before thinking? Was he... flirting? No way. He didn't do that...

Did he?

His friend's face was a mixture of a few things Souji couldn't place. "I don't know about that. There's a lot of things it could be, or none of what I'm thinking. I have a few guesses lined up... but I _really_ doubt I'm right."

His heart was pounding, he became acutely aware of how erratic his breathing was. He really shouldn't say what he knew he was about—

"What are they? What do you think I'm going to say?" His voice was shaky, his nerves were frazzled and his whole body was trembling. Was he really in that much of a hurry? He should be prioritizing his Shadow and Personas, so why was this at the forefront? Wouldn't that make the mission that much more complicated? This did not make strategic sense. His emotions were running the show, and what was worse was that this was not the time to be having this particular conversation.

Yosuke leaned his elbows on his knees and looked back between the couch and Souji about a dozen times. "It can't be about your Shadow or Personas or Adachi, we've covered those. I doubt it's school or your parents... If it was about what your Shadow might say I think we'd have already talked about it... Either you are involved in something sketchy or..."

Souji swallowed. "Or?"

His best friend sat there for a minute or two before groaning and covering his face. "I don't know, it's stupid—beyond dumb. I feel crazy for thinking about all this."

"I don't..." Souji paused. "This is on par with my Personas, Yosuke. So, no... it's not going to be stupid... Far from it."

What was he _doing_!? Why couldn't he control his own words? This time, the logical part of him was crying out for him to be silent.

Unexpectedly, Yosuke looked at him with a pained expression. "I think... that's what I'm afraid of."

He blinked and tilted his head. "Wait... what?"

Yosuke's face darkened. "Because... I think it's about me."

He could almost laugh if it wouldn't have made the situation that much more confusing. He just wanted to fast forward to after his Shadow and Personas and right to the rejection or limbo or whatever was waiting for their friendship. Souji knew what needed to take precedent, because if he wasn't mentally healthy then things were only going to get worse... But that was almost impossibly hard when his first priority was always Yosuke. If he thought he was going to fall to pieces a week ago, now he felt like they would be pounded into dust. His Personas left a void that he could manage, if just barely, but Yosuke... He couldn't even remember what 'before' felt like.

Souji gave a half-smile. "It's not any one thing. It's most likely not what you think."

He'd hoped that'd be dismissive enough to halt Yosuke's questioning, not that he could blame his friend since he'd been the one to start it. However, Yosuke managed squeeze his heart one final time.

"Just... You still see me as your partner... right? Did last week... No, did _I_ ruin us?"

His self-control faltered, like it seemed to do so often recently, and he wrapped Yosuke up tightly in his arms. "Nothing has changed—don't even think that." It was rushed, panicked. Did Souji really express himself so poorly? Was he ever going to be able to properly show Yosuke how much he meant?

His partner's face was caught in the crook of his neck and he felt the warm air of a relieved sigh escape and spread across his skin. It was hard to fight back shivers. Yosuke didn't say anything—there wasn't much to say to that. He also didn't hold Souji back like he had at the shrine, but that was understandable. Still, Souji had hoped for it.

The leader released his hold, trying to enjoy the warmth for even just a few more seconds. "I'm sorry if I led you to think that. I wish you'd have told me you were concerned."

"It seemed like a bad time considering you were explaining your Shadow and everything else. Be kinda selfish even for me."

Souji's lips parted, debating on whether or not he should say anything more. He decided the risk was worth it. Today might be the last time he'd get the chance to show Yosuke any affection.

"You can be as selfish as you want, Yosuke."

His partner let out a muted chuckle. "You say that now, but I dunno how long even your obscene amount of patience can tolerate me."

The momentum of the conversation was now completely separated from his logic. "You really have no idea, do you? Am I really that terrible at proving it to you?"

Yosuke's brow narrowed in confusion. "What?"

But like in an infuriating drama, another interruption occurred.

Yosuke's mother opened the door, not even sparing a knock. "Boys, we're leaving."

Yosuke jumped, clearly startled. "Oh, yeah, see you guys tonight."

She sighed. "Try to wake up and not put too much on Souji. He is _your_ visitor."

The leader smiled. "It's no trouble. Have a good day, Mrs. Hanamura."

Souji was so thankful she'd opened the door. He was going to have to rein himself in.

They were left alone, but before Yosuke could even ask again, Souji grabbed a set of clothes. "I'll go get ready."

"Partner, wait—"

Souji held the doorknob, knuckles white, and closed his eyes. "Not right now... please. We'll talk tonight."

Usually, that was enough, Yosuke would simply drop it. Of course, he'd pick today to be different.

He grabbed the back of Souji's shirt and pulled him back to face him. "Wait. We can talk tonight—fine. All I want to know is if I'm going to hear it from you or your Shadow."

This time Souji actually did laugh. "No, absolutely not. Besides, if my Shadow were to say it, I'd still be denying it."

"It's not like your Shadow is any kind of normal. I didn't want to hear the words be twisted," he argued, not pleased that Souji was laughing.

"Fair enough, but I don't think there's going to be too much to worry about. I like to think I'm the most honest with you."

Yosuke didn't answer, but it was most likely because there wasn't a positive response there. Souji didn't miss that his friend still blamed himself for not answering the phone, but it probably wouldn't have mattered in the end anyway.

_Oh? You don't think so?_

He didn't. At least, he didn't _think_ it would have made a difference.

"I'll be back soon. Try to finish your tea... I hope it's still warm."

Yosuke nodded and grabbed for his drink, remaining quiet. Souji took that as his cue to leave and did so.

===

He'd never been one to let his mind wander in the bath, plus they had places to be, so it lasted a relatively short period of time. He insisted Yosuke take his time since he was still healing, but the other teen had been just as quick. They were ready in minutes and it didn't take long to arrive at the Dojima residence.

"You have everything ready? She's going to attack you the moment she realizes you're at the door."

Souji's hand hovered just above the wooden door before pausing to set everything on the ground next to the pair. "Good thinking."

A two knock succession and the muffled patter of feet could be heard shortly thereafter. Dojima must have cracked because Nanako pulled the door to the side and immediately clung to Souji's waist.

"Big bro! You're here!"

Souji separated for just a moment to kneel down to her level and embrace her. "I am. I'm happy to see you, Nanako."

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Yosuke smiling at the tiny ball of happiness hugging Souji tighter than one little human should be able to. Unsurprisingly, Nanako didn't plan on releasing him, so Souji opted to pick her up and carry her inside instead. Yosuke followed along with the groceries and set them down on the kitchen table that was rarely used.

"Are you guys making breakfast?" Nanako inquired, still clinging to Souji's neck but peeking at the bags.

Yosuke grinned. "This guy is, I'm just here for moral support. I'll leave it to you to be the sous-chef, Nanako-chan."

Her eyes brightened and she wiggled out of Souji's grip. "Yeah! I wanna help!"

Souji laughed and went to move her stool to be next to him at the counter. "We'll still let Yosuke cut everything, okay?"

She nodded and started sorting through the groceries. "Rice omelettes! Yay! I started the rice when Dad told me you were coming." His adoptive sister starting organizing piles on the table while humming cheerfully.

"You weren't kidding about being early," Dojima called from the hall, joining them in the kitchen. "Good to see you're back. Hey, Hanamura."

Souji hadn't been this happy since he left Inaba. The three most important people to him were all gathered in a room and he couldn't think of too many things that could beat this moment.

"I'm glad to be back, Uncle."

They didn't hug, that wasn't in either person's nature, but their mutual respect was more understood than shown.

"I'll make you some coffee. Even you could afford to drink some after your trip. You definitely didn't get being a morning person from our side of the family."

Nanako walked next to Yosuke next and tugged on his hand, gesturing for him to crouch next to her. Souji raised an eyebrow when she whispered in his ear and he nodded several times. He was used to his friends—especially Yosuke—planning random surprises, but Nanako was rarely in on them.

"Yes?" he asked, not hiding his suspicion.

His friend looked up with the most forced, mock surprise possible. "Huh? Oh, nothing. You gonna start cooking? We're starving."

His sister giggled and went to join Souji's side. He didn't push it since it seemed to be something Nanako wanted to keep secret, but it felt weird to have Yosuke in on something he wasn't. Then again, Yosuke was the one to always be the group planner. Souji didn't think most of their activities would have happened without Yosuke's organizing.

Dojima made Souji coffee and even offered Yosuke some, which he politely declined. Even after last year's events, Yosuke was still a little wary of Souji's uncle since they were 'arrested' following Yosuke's less than thought out sword fiasco. Dojima didn't seem to even remember it, or at least he had far more respect for the teen than Yosuke gave him credit for. Souji assumed the latter.

The meal prep went about as well as it usually did. Souji was methodical even with simple recipes, Nanako was quite helpful despite her young age and Yosuke was an expert with a knife at this point. When neither Nanako or Dojima were paying attention, he flipped the knives in the air to reference his kunai and made Souji roll his eyes. The leader felt it was grossly irresponsible given his clumsy nature.

"It's done! Wow, it looks amazing!" Nanako cheered, her amazement never subdued, or fake, when it came to anything her brother did.

Souji knew that it wasn't a typical breakfast food, but Nanako loved them, so he couldn't exactly make something less than one of her favorites. Yosuke smiled and paused after every bite, looking like the past two days were the first time he'd had a decent meal since Souji left. Even Dojima was silently enjoying having a home cooked meal he could take the time to enjoy.

"What are you doing today, Big bro?"

His heart sank somewhat knowing where he was going was not a place she could follow. "Junes to meet with everyone. Yosuke and I have to work afterwards, but you're free to go with us for a bit."

His sister shook her head. "I have piano lessons this afternoon."

"Piano?" Souji was taken aback.

Dojima rubbed the back of his neck ."Yeah, she asked, so..."

Nanako flashed a bright smile. "Mom was a piano teacher. I want to play what she played for Dad!"

His uncle laughed. "I didn't know how I'd feel, but she wants to learn, so I need to move past it."

Yosuke grinned. "You'll have to play for all of us sometime, Nanako-chan."

"Mm!"

Souji felt at peace watching Yosuke and Nanako interact. He knew that if anything were to happen, he'd do whatever he could to provide for the little girl next to his best friend. He didn't particularly want children, but Nanako was the exception if it needed to be. No matter what future he theorized for himself, the option of needing to care for Nanako was always in mind. It was morbid to think about, but Dojima was hardly in the safest line of work. Souji knew he could never let her be alone.

"Souji? You alright?" Yosuke asked, waving a hand in front of his face.

The leader blinked. "Sorry. I'm fine."

"Big bro, are you studying for entrance exams? Dad says that you guys have to apply for colleges this year."

Souji nodded. "We do. Our exams aren't for a while, but we have to start studying early."

Yosuke grumbled, "Yeah, but I'm sure you started last year."

"No, I haven't started, actually."

The three looked almost shocked.

Dojima opened his mouth first, "Does my sister know that?"

The leader shrugged. "Mom doesn't really ask about my studies."

Yosuke crossed his arms and frowned. "That's out of character for you. You were all about studying last year even with all the stuff going on."

"Perhaps, but I think my father would select a cram school for me if he even suspected I wasn't taking things seriously. Right now he doesn't seem to think he'll need to take that step if my grades remain high." Souji didn't want to come off as pretentious by saying that the school he attended was one of the top schools in the country. Although he struggled for the first week after returning from Inaba, things were back to normal. He was guilty of shutting himself away and studying nonstop just before exams, but his methods had improved due to the previous year since he also had to allot time for the investigation.

Nanako recovered quickly. "You're a genius so I bet you could go to any college!"

"No, I'll have to study very hard. You have to study in school no matter what," he reminded her, glad for the praise, but was not about to mislead her.

"Oh, okay. Do you guys have career sheets to fill out?" she continued.

"We do, but I think some people are putting it off. Right, Yosuke?" His eyes were full of playful judgment as he stared his best friend down.

Yosuke glared. "I don't see how I can know exactly what I want."

"Chie and Yukiko filled theirs out."

"Pfft, yeah but come on. You can't compare me to them. Chie wants to be a cop and Yukiko decided to inherit the inn. Pretty black and white for them, don't you think?"

Nanako giggled. "Yosuke, you should be a detective like Dad."

"Nooo, no chance."

Dojima laughed. "You could always spend a day with me to see how it all works. No serious case stuff, but it'd give you an idea."

Yosuke's face was mixed with uncertainty of how to respond and pure terror. "Thank you, but I'm still going to say it's not for me."

"I think you have a lot of options. The idea is to write down what you like so your teacher can advise you," Souji explained. "It's not—"

"What about you, fearless leader? What are _your_ plans?" Yosuke asked with a clear indication that he was done being questioned.

Souji knew his friend hating being put on the spot, so he relieved him. "I'm not sure. My father wants me to study medicine and work at the hospital with him, but I don't know if that's the best line of work for me to pursue."

"What do you want, big bro?"

"Studying psychology seems interesting, maybe becoming a professor or researcher. I haven't pinpointed a specialization, but it's a direction," he answered, enjoying discussing the topic. He could hardly speak openly about this in front of his parents.

"You'd be awesome at any of those things," Yosuke reassured, always so proud of Souji even when he may not of deserved quite so much praise.

Nanako agreed, "You could do anything!"

Suddenly, he became self-conscious and decided to change the subject. "Nanako, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Hmm, I dunno. Maybe I can work with you!" she said, practically beaming at the idea. How could Souji ever say no?

It was a great morning. Dojima talked about what progress the case had made—a disappointing amount, but progress the same—and about what he and Nanako had been up to. Nanako gushed about school and her friends, Souji narrowing his eyes with every mention of a single boy she'd never talked about in the past. Yosuke had to constantly nudge him when he started to have too sore of a face. Before Souji even realized it, it was time for them to head out.

"Will you come by tomorrow?" Nanako asked, too innocent for Souji to deny her.

"Of course. Do you have lessons?"

She shook her head. "Nope."

Yosuke chimed in, "Then let's get everyone together and do something. Sound good, Nanako-chan?"

"Will Rise-chan be there too!?"

"Yup. She'll be glad to see you," Yosuke answered, unable to hide his own happiness at the sight of Nanako's smile.

The little girl hugged both teens before they all parted ways for the day. Even Dojima saw them off until they were out of sight, which spoke for how much he'd changed in just a year. Souji found his mood had done a complete flip now that he'd seen his cousin and uncle. The walk to Junes was quiet besides the world around them, and Souji appreciated that the two could just walk in silence and feel at ease. He imagined that was a rarity among even people who'd known each other their whole lives.

Once they arrived at their destination, Yosuke finally spoke, "How you feeling, partner? Nanako was even happier than I thought she'd be."

The leader took a deep breath. "I feel like I have the courage to face everyone. I'm glad you suggested this."

"Heh, you're a wreck if you don't know if she's okay. Gotta have a clear head to deal with the rest of it," his friend confessed, but Souji knew it wasn't quite that simple.

"Thank you. It was nice to forget for a few hours. Have you heard from the others?"

Yosuke nodded. "They're all there, kind of confused that they weren't meeting you at the station, but that was easy enough to deflect."

He'd be a mess if it hadn't been for Nanako and her bright smile. Explaining his Shadow and lack of Personas was going to be more than difficult, but talking about his future reminded him that he _had_ one after all this. It would probably be dangerous, even with the TV having shifted to an ideal world, but his goal was more clear than ever.

Yosuke laid a hand on Souji's shoulder. "Alright, door's about to open. You ready?"

Souji stared at the elevator door, knowing they were almost to the roof. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"I got your back."

He chuckled, never having doubted it in the first place. "I know."

The piercing sun of the day broke through the growing crack in the door and Souji barely had a moment to process what came next.

"SENSEI!"

"SENPAI!"

In seconds, both Rise and Teddie latched on to his respective sides, knocking Yosuke against the elevator wall.

"Dammit, Ted! Watch out!" Yosuke growled, rubbing the back of his head. "Let the guy get off the elevator first, geez."

Souji saw the others in the distance, giving him an appropriate amount of personal space. He could understand Teddie's excitement, but Rise had just seen him. Then again, she was overly excitable.

"Guys, give the dude some room to breathe," Chie said, grabbing the pair and yanking them back. "Seriously, the door is gonna close on them."

Despite the outburst, everyone was laughing as Souji and Yosuke finally got to walk with everyone to their retired secret headquarters. Souji was so glad to see his team and tried to answer all of their questions about his well-being as quickly as he could manage. Even the more restrained Yukiko and Naoto were chattier than usual. The leader managed a few questions about Kanji's glasses and Teddie's height, but he skipped over Naoto's more feminine appearance. He was just happy to see her growing more comfortable in her own skin.

"Sensei! I can't bear-lieve you're back! We gotta go do something—Ooo! Ooo! Let's get Nana-chan and get topsicles and go to the beach and—"

"Ted. Seriously," Yosuke snapped. "Can you let Souji have two seconds to answer?"

Souji laughed. "I'm sure she'd love that." He might have been the only one, but he secretly loved Teddie's dumb puns.

Kanji spoke up, "Senpai, what're we doin' this week, anyway? Everyone's free."

"Yeah, dummy over there said you had something to talk to us about," Chie followed.

Give it to them to finish with pleasantries and get right to the point for once. Oh well, it was for the best, he supposed. "Yes, I do."

"Is everything okay, Senpai?" Naoto asked, the entire mood of the table shifting to a concerned one.

Souji reflexively looked to Yosuke for help, but his friend just had a sad smile. His partner was right.

This was up to him.

So, he began with as calm a tone as he could manage, "Unfortunately, I can't say it is... Honestly, I've thought about the best way to approach telling everyone, but I'm still not certain of how."

"Just say it," Kanji blatantly stated, his trademark bluntness welcome. "If it's a problem we better start solvin' it."

Souji tried again, "About a week ago... I started to see what I think is my Shadow."

A few gasps escaped, but no one interrupted.

He continued, "And the other day, I received this." Just like the previous year, he took Adachi's letter from his pocket and set it in the center of the table. Naoto was the one to pick it up and skim it for only a moment before even she couldn't hide her shock.

"This is... Adachi sent this?"

More surprise from the group.

"What!? How!?" Rise.

"The hell does he want!?" Kanji.

"Seriously! Who the hell does that monster think he is?" Chie.

Perhaps the most perceptive thus far, Yukiko asked, "But... how?"

Souji answered, "I'm not sure."

Naoto had finished the letter at that point. "Apparently, his stipulations for telling Senpai how he found his address lie with a visit to the prison."

"Which is **not** happening," Yosuke finally said, not giving anyone the option otherwise.

The detective nodded in agreement. "Yes, I don't believe that's the wisest course. Adachi is clearly trying to manipulate us."

She proceeded to read the letter to the table, each of them showing every available emotion on the negative end of the spectrum. Souji found that hearing the letter read made it harder to stomach.

But there was one more thing to cover before this went any further. "I know there's a lot to be said, but..." He froze up. Somehow his Personas were the hardest topic to admit. It was the thing his team depended on, the constant that hadn't ever been a concern.

"Sensei, if you're seeing your Shadow... What about your Personas?" Teddie asked, worry on his face. Souji knew that he was well aware of the answer, because even with their impossible abilities, the basic mechanics still existed. Teddie might have understood them better than the others.

"They disappeared after the letter," he responded simply, a sad smile present to show some kind of strength.

Rise covered her mouth. "Senpai... no..." In fact, everyone's expressions were that of disbelief.

Yosuke picked up again, a no-nonsense look on his face. "Teddie, is the TV still the same?"

"Uh, y-yeah. It was the same this morning."

"We may not be able to do much today, but I think that we should see what happens when we bring Souji into the TV. We have to think of a way to get his Shadow to materialize for us."

Naoto cocked her head. "For us?"

Souji nodded. "I'm seeing Him as though He's real. He somehow attacked me last week, but I couldn't find a trace of bruising or any other indicator."

Chie's gaped. "In OUR world? How!?"

The leader shrugged. "I have no idea. No amount of talking makes Him quiet, but ignoring Him doesn't help either. I've tried to listen to what He has to say, but accepting what is said also changes nothing. I'm not sure if He's even a Shadow."

"It seems like accepting the truth would make Him go away," Naoto stated, confused that the circumstances were different this time. "And how were you able to see Him _and_ retain your Personas? They might have disappeared, but the two can't—or rather, shouldn't—exist simultaneously."

"I wondered the same thing. In fact, Izanagi was even more active while the Shadow was present. I woke up the following morning to nothing. There was no tapering."

Rise looked to Yosuke. "Should Teddie and I go in the TV first to scan the area?"

"I don't know if it'll work if Souji is out here."

They sat in silence for a minute or so, all of them trying to think of what they needed to do. Souji felt more guilty by the second, knowing they would be trying even harder knowing it was him at stake.

His best friend spoke up, "Okay, I think Teddie and Rise should still do a scan. Even if we can't see a difference, maybe they can tell one. Who knows, it might go back to what it looked like before, but I don't think we should rush this."

Naoto agreed, "Yosuke-Senpai is right. It doesn't appear like there's any deadline other than the end of Golden Week, so we should just explore the bare minimum today. Plus, we have no idea how being in the TV will impact Souji-Senpai."

The two navigators stood up. "Don't worry, Sensei! We'll fix you up in no time!"

Souji smiled. "Thank you. Be safe, you two."

They took their leave and left the others to continue formulating a plan. Chie, Yukiko and Kanji let the other three do most of the talking, but it was really Yosuke and Naoto that put most of it together.

"So if we do run into the Shadow, or any Shadow, our battle formation stays the same?" Yosuke asked.

"I believe that's the wisest choice. Yukiko-Senpai, Teddie and I should offer support while you, Kanji and Chie-Senpai remain in the vanguard. I suspect we'll need more healing without Souji-Senpai's Personas available. I'll do my best if I need to swap places, but my range will have more of an advantage in this position."

"I hate to interrupt, but we ain't got our weapons. I can use whatever, but you guys are gonna need to get somethin'," Kanji stated.

Chie chimed in, "Leave that to Yukiko and me. We'll go talk to Daidara and see what he's got. We can stop by the store and get some medicine and stuff just in case."

Souji at least insisted they take the money he still had saved for the team, and although they complained, they couldn't argue they were going to need the best of the best.

Yosuke continued, "That's one problem solved, but we still need to see how Souji is going to handle being in there. I doubt his Shadow will show up if he's not there, but even when we saved people quickly it still knocked them down for weeks."

"It is true that Souji-Senpai will have to face his Shadow, but I'm also not sure how being reintroduced to so many Personas at once will affect him. It's possible nothing will change, but we can't be sure."

Their leader wasn't sure what to say so he leaned back in his chair and felt about as helpless as he figured he would be. Kanji tried to make small talk with him, but it was difficult to focus on anything outside of their immediate problem. Yosuke and Naoto had a decent plan together by the time the others arrived.

Rise looked unexpectedly disturbed. "It's still like a beautiful paradise."

Teddie frowned. "Nothing was any different."

What a strange situation to be in when good news was possibly very bad news.

Chie and Yukiko passed out the supplies, but the blonde had a big grin on her face at the end.

"Well, I managed to get all our old gear back. Turns out Daidara kept it for us." She set a duffle bag on the table. "Not that I gave up those kick ass shoes in the first place, but you guys should find all your stuff in pristine condition."

Kanji laughed. "Leave it to the old guy to know more than us."

They decided to wait to distribute the weapons until they entered the TV. Yosuke was, of course, the one to scout to see if the electronics' department was clear, and after a few diversions, they all stood in front of the TV they'd entered so many times. Souji stared at the same picture that scrolled across the screen, and knew that he shouldn't, but he still reached his hand forward to satisfy the question he knew the answer to. Sure enough, his fingertips pressed against a solid surface. He withdrew his hand and let out a disappointed sigh. No one said a thing.

His best friend grabbed onto his shoulder to comfort him. "Souji and I will go first, just in case it takes him being in first to set everything up," he explained, with no one seeming to disagree. Chie took Yosuke's weapons out to give to him just in case they ran into resistance. After he hid them away in his pocket, he looked to Souji with a gentle smile. "You ready, partner?"

Souji closed his eyes, giving himself a moment to prepare. What would he find? What would his mind create if it created anything at all? What if nothing changed and he'd simply have to live with his Shadow? Without his Personas... His life would never get to be normal...

But the way Yosuke's fingers squeezed his shoulder and nudged him forward ever so slightly helped him remember he wasn't alone in this. Like Yosuke had said, his friends didn't falter—didn't even pause when they found out. Souji was priority one, their own well-being second. He still didn't know how to feel about their selflessness, but he did know that it would be pointless to argue.

"Yes. Let's do this."

Yosuke's other hand reached out and went through the screen effortlessly. The weight of what he was about to encounter grew just a bit as they stepped in and the tingling sensation of the TV spread through Souji's body. The familiar boxes rushed past them, the feeling of free falling surrounded him, but he knew that they'd need to be ready to get their footing secured. However, it wasn't the hard surface of a platform that greeted them, but the give of soft earth beneath their feet.

Yosuke gripped Souji's shirt to make sure he kept his balance, but his stare of disbelief matched Souji's. Blue skies, warm sunlight and a gorgeous sweeping landscape surrounded them. It was identical to what they'd seen after they defeated the Goddess, with one glaringly obvious exception.

"What the hell..."

All the greenery, crystal clear water and expansive blue sky transitioned to stark white nothingness.

As soon as Souji saw the white void, it felt like he received a swift blow to the chest. He gasped for air and clutched his throat, sinking to the ground with a panicked Yosuke following him.

"Souji! Souji, what's wrong!?" he cried, doing his best to hold up his friend.

He couldn't answer, he could barely see the ground beneath him as his vision blurred out of focus until everything went black. His muscles were on fire and it felt like his blood was boiling, but he couldn't move an inch. His mind fractured as his body's systems kicked in to pull him out of the shock. He could hear muffled voices around him, but couldn't discern anything over the pumping of his own heart.

...

Except Him.

 _Took you long enough to show up_.

In the darkness, He was there. Perhaps not physically, but Souji knew he was present.

_I'm not going to let you run away._

His voice sounded dangerous.

_You **will** listen to me today._

Souji tried to respond with even a single thought, but couldn't manage.

_So, get the hell up and find me._

After that, air flooded his lungs and his vision returned to him. Yosuke's face was the first thing to come into focus.

"Souji! Hey, hey can you hear me? You don't have to answer, just blink twice if you can."

The leader began to cough violently, but managed to nod. He'd somehow ended up on his back, and as he fought to sit up, Yosuke's hands were what held him steady. The others had joined them somewhere along the way, and although they were all talking in unison, Souji could at least understand their individual voices now.

Yosuke never moved an inch. "Rise, get him some water," he ordered, the girl jumping to the task immediately.

One of his hands remained on Souji's back to support him while the other took the water bottle from Rise and gave it to Souji. The leader's own hands was shaking far too much to grip the bottle, but Yosuke took over in moments, his fingers laying over Souji's and guiding them as he tried to drink. Souji's head was swimming and he couldn't isolate one coherent thought. His Shadow, He was definitely here—He had to be.

One minute in and he was already drained. "The Shadow... there..." With a trembling arm he pointed to the white expanse.

Yosuke took his partner's arm and moved it down. "Shh, shh, hey just take it easy. We know what's here, we'll try again tomo—"

Teddie let out a startled cry, "G-g-g-g-guys! The exit! It's gone! I can't make one!"

Souji didn't even try to look, having figured that was what his Shadow meant. Was he going to be able to do this in one day? He wasn't even sure how he was going to stand.

"Dammit! What the hell is going on!?" Kanji yelled, walking around the nearby scenery and checking every place he could.

Naoto stepped in. "This is probably Souji-Senpai's Shadow trapping us."

Souji gave a weak nod. "He... He said he wasn't... going to let... me leave."

Yosuke didn't seem the least bit concerned about anything else. "Souji, stop talking. Catch your breath."

"No... I have to... get up," he argued, but didn't have to strength to even budge.

Rise, who was crouched next to him, stood up. "Senpai, I'll scan ahead to see what I can find out, so get some rest. This will take a little bit," the main navigator reassured.

He couldn't fight that. With his inhibitions basically nonexistent, he laid against Yosuke fully now. The other teen shifted to be seated and used his other hand to remove his headphones and let Souji rest between his neck and shoulder. He couldn't remember having ever been this exhausted in his life. He'd pushed the team to rescue Nanako in one day, and that'd been a dangerous call then. That felt like a cakewalk compared to what had just hit him.

Rise tried for almost half an hour before her Persona disappeared. "It's no good."

Not the news the group wanted to hear.

She continued, "I can almost detect something, but it's too faint and moves every time I get close... I think we're going to have to go there." She looked to the empty horizon.

Souji hadn't moved away from Yosuke, but he felt at least strong enough to stand. He began to push up on the ground and his friend looped his arm around his waist to keep him steady. Souji had known this was the only option anyway. "Then we'll go."

The group agreed, all of them getting their equipment ready while Yosuke found a way to hold the leader up and make Souji put his weight on him while they walked. The goal seemed so far away as they walked, but Yukiko made an unsettling observation.

"Is it just me, or is it coming towards us?"

They stopped and watched as the white bled more and more through the blue and covered the ground. Sure enough, it was spreading.

"Be prepared for anything when we reach it. There's no telling what will happen," Naoto cautioned.

After the initial pause, they continued to move. Yosuke asked Souji every few minutes if he was okay, but Souji could only manage a nod. He had to conserve what energy he could. Yosuke was doing most of the work while they were moving, and Souji wasn't sure how the other teen wasn't even winded. Hills, valleys, rocky terrain—it didn't matter. He supposed his partner was too worried about him to be worried about himself.

When there was only a brief section between them and the void, they formed a line next to one another.

"Get ready," Chie said, moving closer to Yukiko and taking her friend's hand.

It overtook their position quickly, forcing all of them to brace themselves for...

Nothing.

Nothing happened except they now stood on solid 'nothing'.

Rise sprang into action and summoned Kouzeon. "Guys, there's definitely a structure here."

"How?" Naoto asked, looking around her. "There aren't any defined walls—not even a shadow projecting on the ground."

Kanji nodded. "Yeah, I can't even finda door."

Teddie walked to the middle of the team. "We have to think about Sensei. What would Sensei make?"

Even Souji wasn't sure what he was looking at. Was the world just broken now? It was possible since they had defeated those who shaped it.

Chie pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. "This is impossible. Everyone else had a pretty obvious dungeon thing. What can we do with a whole lotta nothing?"

"Perhaps we should think about how our own related to who we are?" Yukiko offered.

Kanji started, "I mean, they were pretty... uh..."

"Grandiose," Naoto finished with a bitter voice.

"Mine was a club. I mean... it was more 'adult' than I feel fits me, but I understood why in the end," Rise began. "It was in what our Shadows told us, right?"

Chie groaned, "But Teddie, Yosuke and I didn't even get one. What does that mean?"

"That you weren't thrown into the TV," the detective answered bluntly. "If you were, I'm sure you and Yosuke-Senpai would have created your own. Teddie might be the only exception."

"Speaking of," Chie scoffed. "You're being awfully quiet, Yosuke. Feel like contributing, here?"

Souji's second-in-command appeared to be deep in thought and ignored the blonde.

"Hello? Yosuke? Anyone in there?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Everyone watched as Yosuke adjusted Souji to allow them both to walk. He still didn't answer, but he did hold an arm out with his fingers extended. He walked several steps, both to the left and right. The group looked thoroughly confused until oranges ripples finally rebounded from his fingertips.

"Whoa! Look at that!" Chie cried as they all stared in awe as the color traveled along a now obvious corridor.

Naoto was stunned. "Yosuke-Senpai, how did you figure that out?"

Souji was even shocked by what he was seeing, and it was something his head supposedly created.

"Just a guess," Yosuke answered.

Souji didn't buy it for a second.

But everyone else seemed to and began moving their own hands against the walls.

Blue, red, green, pink, indigo and yellow spread from his friends' hands and flooded every corner.

"Amazing," the idol whispered, tracing her fingers in different directions.

Souji's eyes focused on Yosuke, searching his face for the truth, but his friend's expression was blank. It almost seemed like he was avoiding Souji's gaze, but the leader could hardly ask with the group around.

"Then this is how we'll find our way through the maze," Naoto concluded, now focusing on the next part of their on-the-fly plan. "We need to find Senpai's Shadow and leave as quickly as possible. We should try the same approach as before. This might be a single-level or it might have multiple floors. If we can pinpoint the Shadow, or even detect Him, perhaps that will offer us some clue."

"Okay, I'll look for it," Rise proclaimed, Kouzeon surrounding her moments later.

The others still felt along the walls, not seeming to tire of seeing the rainbow effect that followed. Yosuke remained Souji's support, but he didn't join the group. Souji took the opportunity with everyone distracted to discreetly talk to him.

"How did you know?" he asked in a low voice.

A chuckle vibrated against Souji's side. "I took a shot at a hunch. Turns out it just happened to be right."

"Maybe elaborate?"

"I dunno. Thought about the others and their mind... dungeon... things. Tried to think about what it all meant to them in the end. I thought about what you've told me and took it literally, I guess. I had no clue it was going to do _that_ , but I figured it was up to us to find the entrance, or whatever."

Souji remained lost. "I still don't understand."

Yosuke lowered his voice further. "You told me you depend on us, right? That you get your strength from us. As corny as it sounds, everyone else gets their strength differently—by realizing more about ourselves. Not to say we do anything alone, but you have your Wild Card thing. I still don't really understand it all, but you made it clear that you only get stronger the closer your bonds are. We would find their dungeons by learning about them, and that's what I would have said about you to find yours. So, that's why I thought it was up to us." He finally looked at his partner with an affectionate smile. "That it _had_ to be us."

No one, besides Souji, ever gave Yosuke the credit he deserved for figuring out so much of what happened around them. Then again, of course it'd be Yosuke who got it before even Souji did.

"I wish I could understand how you see things so clearly. Maybe Nanako was right, maybe detective would be a good choice," Souji only half-joked.

"Didn't I tell you in the beginning? I'm an ideas man. I'm too abstract when I think to be logical like you or Naoto. I guess you can keep me around for when you need a crazy theory," he finished with a wink.

"I'll keep you around regardless."

They shared a short laugh and Souji's spirits lifted a bit. At least Yosuke was still doing what he did best.

"Got it!" Rise cheered, the team quickly gathering around her. "The Shadow seems to be pretty close, actually. I don't know if that means it's a trap, but I'm only getting one reading."

"Alright, enough talkin', let's go save Senpai," Kanji demanded, having kept his calm surprisingly well thus far. "Which way we headin'?

Now the navigator frowned. "Well, that's the weird part. It seems like the Shadow is straight ahead."

"Hmm, you're right, it does sound like it might be a trap," Naoto commented. "We should keep our guard up. There aren't even other Shadows around."

Teddie spoke up, "Shadows existed because of the human world, so maybe that's why."

All the talking in the world wasn't going to get them out of the TV any faster, unless it was with Souji's Shadow. They all knew it, and they all dreaded it. The leader knew how brutal the words might be, but he'd accept them and himself. He refused to put his team in any more danger.

They started walking down the corridor with only a few of the teens touching the walls. Even with the colors adding some semblance of structure, it was incredibly overwhelming to be surrounded by 'nothing'. Souji couldn't remember having ever felt so uneasy over just a location. What was this place? Or rather, why did it look so empty? Not just empty, but... was there even a word for just how hollow it felt? Yukiko got a castle, Kanji had a bathhouse, Rise had a club, Naoto had a laboratory, with Nanako it'd been how she saw heaven to be—even Mitsuo had a dungeon reminiscent of a video game. What did his say about him? Was he really so vacant of a person? Was that what this meant?

Their exploration concluded rather quickly as they reached the end and the walls and ceiling rose to an inconceivable height.

"It's here," Rise stated, summoning her Persona one final time.

They formed a small circle and Naoto cleared her throat. "Senpai." She looked directly in Souji's eyes. "You've heard what everyone's Shadows had to say, and we know that their words are warped, amplified versions of how one feels inside. I believe I can speak for everyone when I say that whatever your Shadow has to say, don't worry about how it will appear to us."

It was true that he'd been there for all the confessions, and he hadn't judged a single person for the darker parts of themselves, but this time he knew it'd be different. The others had talked about their insecurities with themselves, but rarely about those around them. Souji knew most of what his Shadow had to say would be about his friends. He'd tried to accept every single thing that the Shadow had thrown at him, very rarely snapping back. However, there was so much more his had to say than the other Shadows, and he hadn't even met his in person yet—not in a true, physical form.

Yosuke squeezed the arm he held of Souji's and grinned. "It's not supposed to be pretty. If it was, we would have accepted it a lot more easily. Besides, you told me that everyone has something like that inside of them. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner you get your Personas back. Nothing is gonna change between us just because your Shadow might have some crap to say."

The leader didn't know how to answer.

"And if we gotta kick Its ass, then we'll kick Its ass," Kanji reassured in his own way.

Souji shook his head. "Hopefully it won't come to that."

Chie began to stretch out her legs and bounced up with a little more excitement than was necessary. "Buuut, we'll be ready if it does! It feels like it's been ages since we've fought. I'm kinda"—Yukiko grabbed her friend's wrist—"...Er—I'm ready. Yeah."

Yosuke rolled his eyes. "If Chie is done, is everyone ready?"

The group gave a determined nod and Teddie put in his hand in the center.

"Just like bear-fore!"

Yukiko started snickering and Chie shook her head. "At least it's not after the battle. We got the timing right this time."

Even though Yosuke knew Chie's comment had been a jab at him, he kept quiet and soon everyone placed their hands on Teddie's, no one seriously minding the bear's antics. Souji's hand fell on top and the group turned to smile at him. They didn't say anything this time, just lifted their arms up enthusiastically and started laughing at the silliness of it all. By the end, even Souji had joined them.

But there was no more time left, and they had to meet with the Shadow. As they gathered their things and wits, the somehow oppressive nature of the void that surrounded them, weighed down. They couldn't see Him, but Souji could sense his Shadow was near, and just before Rise was about to summon Kouzeon, He appeared.

It was instantaneous—far faster than anything Souji had ever witnessed. He stood there, no dark aura like the others, just the same face as Souji, save the sinister, yellow eyes. The team was taken aback at the sheer speed at which He'd emerged and sprang into defensive positions.

But He didn't move. He had a blank expression that still managed to make Souji's skin crawl.

"He might look different, but He's definitely Senpai's Shadow," Rise guaranteed.

Everything had built up to this moment, and honestly, Souji was just exhausted from it. The hallucinations, night terrors, pain and anger—they would end here. There was worry and fear still churning inside him, but he'd be damned if being a coward kept him from seeing this through. He was getting his Personas back. He was taking his life back.

He motioned carefully for Yosuke to release him, and although his partner looked reluctant to do so, he abided by Souji's wishes. At first, Souji swayed to try and catch his balance, but he was standing straight by the end. He couldn't hide his weariness from the Shadow, but he wasn't about to have the worst 'conversation' of his life looking helpless.

"I'm here," Souji proclaimed, keeping his face as equally emotionless.

The Shadow was silent, simply staring at his reflection.

Souji gave it a moment, knowing his Shadow had been violent thus far, but he couldn't be certain things would be the same face-to-face. Hopefully they wouldn't be. "Say what you have to." He was ready to accept and move on. No need for a grand battle. He knew he had demons.

His Shadow showed a smile full of pity. "Didn't I tell you in the beginning? Surely by now you see your situation is different."

The leader's stoicism didn't waver. "Then what do I need to do?"

"Listen," the Shadow explained simply.

Souji stood there and waited, there was nothing else left to do or say. The others were behind him, but kept the distance their leader had put between them. He might have relied on his friends in all other battles, but this was his fight, just like the conversation with their Shadows had been their own. This is what it had all been building up to, right? The two of them finally meeting and seeing who was the stronger one.

His Shadow began in an unusually calm tone, "I've said a great deal of things to you, but you aren't truly hearing them for what they are. You think if you can just go through the motions that it will be enough, but just because you're familiar with the formula, it doesn't excuse false sincerity. You don't have the luxury your friends had with their Shadows. Your deadline is far sooner than you realize."

Souji narrowed his brows in confusion. A deadline? Something was very off here.

"I had no choice but to see you outside of this realm. You continued to avoid your own truth. On the surface you lead others to believe you are a rather simple person, but that's far from the reality of it. You crave that attention you receive from others, you want them to need you. You do a fantastic job of convincing them otherwise, but your assistance is hardly selfless. It's taken you nearly two decades to matter to someone, and you had a limited time available in Inaba. You can hardly act surprised when they stopped seeking you out after you fixed them. Isn't that how it always goes for you? Your usefulness ends and you're thrown to the side. Family or friends—it doesn't matter."

"It's true that I'm much worse at trusting in my friends. One year isn't enough time to change a lifetime of engrained beliefs. However, I won't make an excuse for it. It's the real reason why I didn't trust any of my own troubles to them. It's safer to listen versus explain myself," Souji said, delivering his first response. However, he found his Shadow was disturbingly reserved even when comparing Him to the other Shadows. How had He changed from His violent self to this?

"Exactly, you can hardly trust them to understand how your mind works. They have a surprisingly skewed view of the real you, that you're not quite the model of rectitude you made yourself out to be. After all, what would they say about Adachi? That you secretly met with him despite your friends' wishes—despite promising you wouldn't—because you believed you had enough of a connection that you could make him reconsider. You never even told them what happened during the actual conversation out of annoyance that you'd have to explain yourself."

"I didn't tell them. I never planned to. Even I found it morbid that I could look down the barrel of a gun and not flinch."

"One that fired."

He could hear muted sounds of surprise from his team, but he was going to let them know the truth.

"Which was why I questioned my own mental health. I thought there must be something wrong with me if a bullet could brush my ear and I never lost eye contact. It felt like it'd be more trouble for me to have my friends see that side of me."

"Then you were caught. In fact, you were almost mad at Yosuke for catching you, but more mad that you'd let yourself be so open with a person that they could predict you in some way. Being an enigma had always been appealing to you, despite you also wanting the opposite. Then when he was so accepting and merely hurt that you hadn't trusted them enough, you were furious. You wanted him to pressure you into telling the truth, despite the fact that you didn't want to explain. After all, Yosuke is your best friend. You might not have told him a thing, but you were so infuriated that he hadn't even tried."

The first mention of Yosuke. It wasn't pleasant, but Souji knew that this might be brought up.

"I did convince myself that I was mad at myself and not him. I didn't want to think about how childish the truth was. It was hardly fair to be upset with him because he respected me enough to give me a choice. I didn't see it as that, I saw it as he was making the situation more about my trust in them."

The Shadow's eyes narrowed slightly. "You were also scared he knew you saw yourself in Adachi."

This was one subject he'd almost outright rejected the day he'd received the letter from Adachi. He felt more prepared this time, but it was one thing he really wished his friends didn't have to hear.

"I don't like to see our similarities, but I can't deny that we share many," Souji said it like it left a bitter taste in his mouth. "I was upset that he was the one person who didn't seem to open up to me. I felt like a child trying to talk to him, and I wanted him to see me as something more than a kid. I could tell he felt rejected and that part of him wanted to be rejected, and I was guilty of the same thing. Sometimes..."

He didn't want to say this next part. He didn't want his friends to hear it.

He really didn't want Yosuke to hear it.

"Yes?" The Shadow, of course, wouldn't allow delay.

"Sometimes, I wondered if I was more like him than the others. That with a few changes in my circumstances, I could have been closer friends with him."

But he'd made his first mistake. His Shadow didn't miss it.

"Not closer. You wondered if he'd have been your closest friend."

Souji couldn't see Yosuke, but there was no doubt it stung him.

"Fair enough. However, I didn't think that once I learned about the real him. I didn't even feel that in a regretful way, just as an observation of what-if."

"The what-if of: what if he hadn't been the criminal he really was? You both are two sides of the same coin. What if you, the savior of so many you knew, could have saved _him_? It'd be easy to be friends with someone who you didn't have to fear would judge you. He was more messed up than you, so how could he cast stones? You wouldn't have to be proper with him, he could see things like this and think nothing of it. Your friends may say they understand, but you know they're going to judge you—it's a normal human reaction. With Adachi, there'd never be a worry."

The leader took a deep breath. "Even if I think that's easier, that doesn't mean he'd have been a true friend, and even I know easy on paper doesn't equate to easy in real life."

The Shadow's expression darkened.

"A true friend. Do you have one of those?"

A trap. Shadows never asked questions. There'd never be a need. Souji closed his eyes and steadied himself. He wanted to say it, not let his Shadow be the one to do it and risk His distorted words being what Yosuke heard.

Because this was about Yosuke. So much of his own crazy intertwined with his friendship with Yosuke.

"I thought... I did."

A wicked smile twisted up the Shadow's face. "Past tense?"

Souji thought back to that morning and how Yosuke had asked if he'd ruined them. He'd told him no. He believed it was a no. Ruined was too strong a word, but no breach of trust ever left a friendship unscathed.

Not even theirs.

"I stand by my statement."

The Shadow was annoyed. "A vague statement that doesn't expand on any portion of the truth. Hiding behind a pretend acceptance won't keep you from hearing it. I know what you're thinking, and you can't fake something to protect Yosuke."

Souji heard Yosuke's sharp intake of air at hearing his name. His best friend had probably been bracing for this.

"He promised to be there for you. When had you ever really needed him since December? When had you even needed him before? You didn't ask for his help the night Nanako died, but you made a point to ask this time. You practically _begged._ You thought that maybe you could put your trust in someone you cared about more than anyone else. Maybe being predictable to this one person was okay. After all, he actually wanted to ask about you and your life. There was more to your conversations than just fixing his problems. Then he failed you and for just a moment, you regretted that you cared in the first place."

Souji's voice was more abrasive this time. "In a moment of anger I thought that. I'm not infallible."

"Do you deny that you don't know if you can ever truly rely on him?"

He was beginning to see why people claimed their Shadow wasn't them. It seemed so effortless on the outside looking in.

"...No, I don't."

"A genuine response," the Shadow said in a pleased tone. "Your trust is so hard to gain, so why couldn't he see that? Because he was so swept up with some girl? With his own problems? Is everyone in your life so selfish? Did he ever really care at all? Do any of them?"

This was beginning to wear on him. He didn't even want to imagine the expressions of the friends behind him. "I know they do, but I know I judge the way people treat me more harshly than they deserve. I can't compare them to the impossible standards I set just because I'm the one afraid to trust them."

"Yes, but you find it easier to trust them with your worthless life than with your own thoughts and feelings."

"To me, they are very different things."

 

"But the point is that you don't want them to be. You want to trust your team as teammates _and_ friends. You find it easy to accept that you consider them close friends despite them knowing next to nothing about you, but not Yosuke. You made one exception—the first exception ever, and he failed you. His betrayal hurt worse than anything thus far. You put all your faith in him—faith you wouldn't even place in your own family. Especially not your family."

 

He'd been afraid of the focus on Yosuke. He cared about the others, but it was similar to how Chie's Shadow had talked about Yukiko. At least Yukiko hadn't been there to witness it.

 

"Again, it wasn't—"

 

"Stop speaking in past tense," the Shadow warned.

 

"Fine. I'm not handling it well. I still want to trust him, but I don't know how."

 

"That's because your biggest fear is being abandoned by them. Being forgotten like you'd never mattered to them like they'll continue mattering to you. You know you're own nature, but you don't see them feeling the same. Despite evidence of the contrary, you don't believe in unbreakable bonds. It'd be easier to lock them all away, even if it meant sacrificing how they felt about it."

 

He wanted to say it wasn't right, that it was his Shadow bending the truth to fit His perverse narrative.

 

But he couldn't.

 

"I do. I don't want anyone to move on with their life. I don't feel like they can keep our team together without me there."

 

"Because what's the point in being special if it doesn't matter in the end," his Shadow repeated, using those same words he had in their first meeting.

 

There wasn't a place for Souji to say anything back. He was stuck.

The Shadow was not. "A leader, you are not. You like the idea of it, you'd easily sacrifice yourself to protect those around you, but that doesn't equate to a good leader. It doesn't even really mean all that much considering how little you value your own life. You can make calls in battle, but you need to lead _and_ control your friends on and off the battlefield. It's the only way you can trust they won't hurt you. That they won't move on. Without being needed, you become irrelevant. You don't want new friends. There's so much work to be put into it, and you could never go through an ordeal comparable to what you went through with your team. It was an immense test of courage you took together, and nothing could ever feel real with someone else. You want to be miserable in the city if you can't leave it, and you want them to worry about your loneliness because that way they would feel guilty if they began to forget you. Intentional or not, you are a manipulator, not their leader or friend.

"The attention and praise thrown your way is an addiction. Their thankful words are your preferred drug, with the only substitution being their silent admiration. It's different than before Inaba, and now you need them, there's no rehabilitation for this. You have to keep seeking out their troubles and needs." His face twisted up in unexpected pain. "Because you'd sell your soul to simply feel anything at all."

He was aching to his core hearing the words. How horrible of a person was he? Did he really just see his friends as an out from his everyday troubles? Did he rely on them solely to feel human? Did he really just go through the motions for seventeen years? How much darkness was left inside him?

 But he knew what he had to do.

"...You're right," Souji replied in a wounded voice. "But I also know it's wrong. I can't be there to feel better for myself, I have to be the person they need."

"You can't mimic the same desire you had last year. You have to want to change yourself."

For all of the harsh truths, why was his Shadow so incredibly calm? Where was the rage from before? This was a near polar opposite to how he'd been in the past.

It grinned. "You should be focusing on yourself, not trying to figure the situation out."

Sharing the same mind—he just kept forgetting. It didn't stop him from asking, "I just don't understand. Why are you so different? Who, or what, have I been seeing?" There was no possible way these were the same Shadows... right?

"I told you, you have a deadline," He repeated, voice absent of malice, simply pity in both tone and expression. "You're living on borrowed time, Souji."

...

Wait.

'Souji'?

When did a Shadow ever call someone their own name? Not referencing their name, but like they were addressing another person during conversation. Something was very wrong here.

"What are you?" Souji asked.

"Your Shadow," He answered bluntly.

"Shadows don't talk like this, they don't reference someone like a total stranger," he argued back.

"You're not typical. A typical Shadow holds a single Persona, while you house many," It elaborated. "I'll say it once more, your situation is not the same."

But how did He know that? Souji had never thought about the differences and there'd be no need to deny something like that in order for his Shadow to say it. And how did that make any sense in reference to why he called Souji by name? The leader's calmness was fading.

"Then why haven't you disappeared? Why don't I have my Personas back? What else is left to be said?" His voice grew louder and more agitated with every question.

"Nothing."

Near fury took over. "Then where are They!? What's left for me to do!?"

The Shadow frowned as a light began to bloom behind Him, the familiar black and red portal appearing. His form began to dissolve into the stark white surrounding Him, but not before He looked behind Souji. Souji knew the gaze was focused on his friends.

"Listen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, Souji finally meets his Shadow. That was a long chapter, I know. According to Word, 13,573 words long, to be exact. I thought about dividing it up, but it's just one of those chapters that ended up crazy long because I didn't see a good cut off for Souji. Honestly, I wanted to add more, but OMG 13.5K WAS ENOUGH. To avoid confusion, this is chapter 11 and it'll continue from there instead of doing a weird numbering thing since I did Yosuke's version last 'chapter'.
> 
> Another quick note, I cannot believe the overwhelmingly positive and heartwarming responses I've read. I cannot thank everyone enough. I cannot properly express in words how thankful I am, but trust me when I say your comments mean so, so much to me. I was just hoping for a few people to enjoy my take on these two, but this exceeded my expectations by leaps and bounds. C: I hope you all continue to enjoy them.


	12. Chapter 12

After Souji's Shadow had disappeared, the group had only stood there for a moment or two before silently entering the portal. They'd seen it enough to know when they were done for the day. Plus, morale was noticeable low, and with no grand battle, there wasn't much left to do. When they'd returned to the clearing they'd entered from, no one had much to say.

Kanji had attempted with, "We'll see you again tomorrow, Senpai."

But no one really knew if that was going to happen. This was uncharted territory for the team. No battle? Agreeing with what the Shadow had said, but still no Personas? Why did It speak that way?

The goodbye was no better, at least not in terms of convincing Souji that they were really okay.

"We'll meet up tomorrow," Rise said giving Souji a slight hug when they arrived at Junes' exit.

Chie gave him a pat on the back. "Yeah, just rest up for today."

The others shared similar goodbyes, but Yosuke kept quiet. He was sure that didn't surprise anyone considering what the Shadow had to say, but it felt weird to not be the one to perk the others up.

"We'll try to think of a more cohesive plan tonight," Naoto explained before joining the others to walk back towards their respective homes. "...Try to get some rest. You'll need your strength."

Kanji motioned to Teddie. "The bear can stay with me tonight. You guys head out."

Teddie gave the biggest, most supportive smile he could muster. "Yeah, Sensei, just get some sleep." If Ted was serious, he was worried. Then again, everyone was.

All the responses were weak, but the overload of information had probably been what really did them in. Souji had just nodded the entire time, face blank but clearly bothered. Yosuke wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, especially after what had been said, but he decided he needed to just be what he'd been before. He'd figure out if that was best later.

"Hey, let's go before it gets dark, okay?" he suggested, placing his fingers lightly against Souji's forearm. "We can eat at the house." Because he knew his friend probably wasn't up for the outside world anymore. Then again, he probably wasn't up for eating either.

Souji gave a slight nod, and started to walk with Yosuke in the opposite direction of their group. It felt odd to Yosuke, but it seemed like that was how the team was right now. Souji and Yosuke had always been best friends, always a little distant from the team, and even though the most damning words had been directed at Yosuke, they felt more separate from the others than before.

Souji walked at a slower pace than usual, but it wasn't unexpected. In fact, Yosuke was surprised he was able to move as well as he was. He tried focusing on what he could do to help Souji when they got home, but his head kept focusing back on the Shadow.

_You find it easy to accept that you consider them close friends despite them knowing next to nothing about you, but not Yosuke. You made one exception—the first exception ever, and he failed you._

He had to stop thinking about it right now. There was no way he could help Souji if he was wallowing in pity. He really wanted to clear the air between them, but he had no clue where to begin.

"Yosuke."

The teen jumped at the sound of his friend's voice, but then realized Souji was drawing attention to the ringtone of Yosuke's phone.

"It's probably your father. He wanted you to call him tonight," he explained in a flat tone, his face matching it.

"It's fine. I'll call him later," Yosuke replied, pressing his hand to his pocket and silencing it.

Seconds later, it rang again.

Silence.

Ring.

Silence.

Ring.

"Yosuke. It might be important."

No it wasn't. It never was. He'd probably start bitching about something and Yosuke's head could not handle his father's nagging. He just wanted to help his friend, not do some trivial thing for his dad. There was no way he was agreeing to go in tonight if that was what the call was about. They both stepped off the road and stood near a tree as Yosuke finally opened the phone.

"Hey, Dad," he answered as casually as possible.

"What took you so long to answer?"

Yup. Nothing important.

"Sorry, I forgot I had it on vibrate. Didn't feel it in my pocket. Anyway, what's up?"

"The head office called me this morning. There's a tour group coming through tomorrow to visit the area, and Junes is going to help sponsor a few things in the shopping district as well as provide parking for the buses."

He knew where this was going.

"How many people are there going to be?"

"They're mostly here to see the Amagi Inn and stay there for the night, but there is a total of close to one hundred."

Yosuke's eyes widened. " _That_ many?"

"The inn has been planning it for a few months, but I mentioned it to my bosses a while back and they decided to take advantage of it. Anyway, I need you and Seta in the shopping district tomorrow. They'll all be split up, so I need you there to help with whatever questions they have."

He fought to hide his annoyance. "I mean, it's fine, but what about you? Don't you need us more at Junes?"

"No, the managers and I will be fine here. See if any of your friends want to work with you two tomorrow and let me know. I'll pay them extra for the short notice."

Yosuke ruffled his own hair and let out a silent sigh. "Yeah, yeah, we'll be there... What time?"

"Eight. It'll probably last all day, but I shouldn't need you the next day."

He wanted to throw his phone.

"Alright, I'll let Souji know."

"Your mom and I won't be home tonight, so just go straight to the shopping district in the morning and call me so I can explain everything then."

"Okay, call you in the morning."

Click.

No goodbye from his dad. There never was.

Today was really beating his ego into the ground. He didn't want to spend all day dealing with the event that Junes—as usual—slapped together last minute. His dad would be on edge and a nightmare to deal with, and there was no chance for the group to all be together.

"Everything okay?" Souji asked, breaking Yosuke's concentration.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and grumbled, "No, we have to go deal with this event tomorrow. No way we're all getting together with this thing happening."

Yosuke took a moment to explain what details he had, but he felt awful having to put more on Souji. He wanted to tell Souji to just stay home and relax, but he knew that wasn't happening. The guy would lose a limb and still be there to help.

"There are a few days left. I don't think it will be a problem," Souji said, seeming more logical about it even after all the shit thrown at him not a half hour ago. Yosuke knew he'd be an angry, depressed puddle on the ground if it were him.

"I bet everyone else is gonna be busy, too. I wonder why Yukiko never mentioned anything. No way her parents won't have her help out. Maybe she thought since it was one day it'd be okay..."

Souji shrugged. "They might have enough staff available."

"With that many people all at once? Every room will be bursting." He still sent out a group message about it. "Chie is probably gonna help her out, Rise will probably help her grandmother at their shop, Kanji's mom runs the textile shop so he'll be there. Naoto might be free, and Teddie will definitely be there..." he trailed off seeing the hollow stare his friend was directing towards the ground.

Tomorrow really didn't matter right now.

Yosuke cleared his throat. "A-anyway, let's head home."

Souji didn't answer and simply started to walk down the road again. Yosuke felt helpless. Seeing Souji so defeated and knowing there was nothing he could do—it was almost too much. Tonight was probably going to be spent with Souji trying to think of what to do, and also trying to feel out how angry Yosuke might be. He wasn't, but it'd take more than an 'I'm fine' to convince the paranoid leader; after all, Yosuke knew he wouldn't have believed Souji if the situation was reversed, and Souji was a lot more collected than he was.

The sun easily beat them even when they were only at the halfway point, Souji's slowed speed and Yosuke's dad taking up most of the time. When they reached the split that would take them down the main street, Souji took hold of Yosuke's wrist. "Can we stop somewhere first?"

"Yeah, it's whatever you need," Yosuke answered softly, hyperaware of Souji's warm hand against his skin.

"Let's go to the river," the leader said in a defeated tone, releasing Yosuke and walking down the other path.

The Inaba teen held back a little, giving Souji some space between them to breathe. He didn't think Souji would want to go anywhere other than back to the house, but he wasn't about to ask why. Thankfully when they arrived, despite the holiday, it was void of anyone. They still selected a spot on the riverbank that would prevent anyone seeing them unless they were on the opposite side of the river, but with no light around them, they were invisible, regardless. Yosuke sat down first, wanting to let Souji make the decision of how close he wanted to be. His partner sat an arm's reach away. Yosuke had hoped for closer.

Souji drew his knees up and stared off in silence for a good bit of time. Maybe he had just wanted to sit in silence and think. Although he was the opposite, Yosuke knew that this was his time to process what had been said, but all he kept thinking about was how he'd failed Souji and how he loved him at the same time. He didn't have time to think about all that earlier, but now there was nothing to do but think. He started spinning his ring and sliding it on and off, but after a moment or so, it just served to remind him of Souji's selflessness and how he couldn't even manage one act of his own. He jammed it back down and settled for gripping the fabric on the bottom of his pants. He was so disgusted with himself that he didn't know what to feel. He tried to keep steady, knowing that uneasy movement was going to just worry Souji, but it was difficult. More and more thoughts of shame kept flooding through his mind, and although they were the same general idea, the words of hate for himself were what varied. Did he deserve anything now that he knew with absolute certainty Souji didn't know if he could ever trust him again?

"I want to tell you about my past."

Yosuke jumped at the sudden sound of Souji's voice, but merely turned to look at him. His best friend looked ragged at this point. Nausea suddenly ate away at his insides. "Souji, we don't have to do this tonight. I know what I said this morning, but—"

"This isn't about my promise."

The list of what this 'conversation' was going to be about was growing more and more narrow.

"Okay... I mean... You can tell me whatever," he said, wanting to finish with 'you know that', but Souji probably didn't anymore.

The leader ran his hand through his hair a few times before taking a deep breath. "I know what my... Shadow said, but it's not as simple as that."

Leave it to Souji to actually want to talk about that monster. No one ever wanted to talk about their Shadow.

Yosuke looked at him, barely able to tell his expression in the darkness. "I know, but that's... It wasn't wrong."

"Maybe not, but it wasn't the full truth either. It won't discuss what I've accepted about myself. It won't tell you what else I feel about everyone." He turned to Yosuke. "About you."

He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, to let it join the knots in his stomach, but it held fast. He was torn between wanting to help his friend and helping the person he... loved. It was easiest when it was just to two of them, he didn't have to think about anyone else affecting them. Just about how Souji was what he needed, and that Yosuke hoped he was what Souji needed, too. He began to move his hand to take Souji's, but stopped short. Maybe that wasn't what was appropriate right now. Was that what he'd done in the past? It'd barely been a year, but their past as simply friends seemed decades ago. He wanted to be next to him, shoulders pressed together to give him courage, because Souji looked like he needed it way more than Yosuke right now. Then again, were they still... Was there a 'they' anymore?

His best friend looked at Yosuke's hand, obviously seeing the hesitation, but made no move of his own. Instead, he focused back on the river, closing his eyes and taking another breath. "Yosuke... before Inaba, I didn't feel like I was anything. I don't mean that in terms of depression or self-doubt, just that I drifted from place to place with my parents and appealed to what they needed from me. I didn't get close with anyone, I didn't see the need in putting in effort when I knew six months from then we'd be moving to another city. I didn't try to develop hobbies or likes and dislikes. I was very passive when it came to what I needed and what I was told. School was my one focus, and outside of that, I just took care of whatever house or apartment we were living in." Souji grimaced. "I just... existed. I never thought about friends or loving someone, I never even knew what those feelings felt like. I... I don't think I wanted to know. My frame of reference was my parents, we hardly saw any other family, and they seemed so indifferent towards one another. I didn't want that. I wanted to _feel_ something for someone, but at the same time I wanted it to be simple. The trouble was, I never convinced myself I could." He face formed a tiny smile. "But... then I was told about my uncle in Inaba, and how I'd be moving in with him for a year."

Yosuke felt his heart flip.

"At first, I saw it as just another place to live, another town to exist in for a moment and then I'd be on to another place. I didn't connect it to maybe finding a friend to depend on. I could never have even imagined meeting all of you or accomplishing all the impossible things we did." The smile slipped away, seriousness replacing it. "I read about Inaba, and I was surprised that my uncle lived somewhere so remote when all of my other family lived in cities. I'd never lived in the countryside, I'd rarely even visited it. I was worried I wouldn't know what to do with the quiet." He paused for a shaky breath. "Yosuke, I know... I know I'm more reserved than you probably like, but I'd never had... quiet. My thoughts were always occupied, there was always some external source droning on in the background for my attention to focus on. I didn't have to think about my parents or grow bitter about my circumstances. During the day, I had my classmates to compare myself to, but they all complained about their family, so I felt pleased I was left alone. I felt like I was right in thinking it wasn't worth the effort. They were all so negative, and I didn't want to surround myself with those kinds of people... At first, I wondered if it was arrogance, but, like I mentioned, I convinced myself that I just didn't have time to learn about another person... I think I can accept that now I was just scared I'd learn about what it felt like to lose someone. But then... I came here. I met our friends, we worked the case together, I got to have a family." His face softened and his intense eyes locked on Yosuke's, taking his hand while doing so. "I was able to meet you."

The other teen's face was on fire, he felt like it could light up the entire riverbank with how fiercely it burned. When he saw that Souji was pausing to allow a response, Yosuke couldn't help but stumble. "I... I..." What could he say? Souji's Shadow had torn his character to shreds in the most eloquent way a Shadow had managed so far. He knew what he _wanted_ to say, because he was still refusing to let the words that had been said, sink in. Even after hearing that Souji may never trust him again, that he might have actually messed everything up, he still felt arrogant enough to assume he could fix it. It was so ridiculous he could laugh. As a result, the words came out bitter. "I definitely hit all the points you were worried about."

Souji shook his head. "That's why I want to help you understand that it's the opposite. You didn't hear the other part. You won't hear how much you've helped me overcome from that... thing."

His chest was twisting up in pain with the realization that Souji was still trying to help Yosuke. He'd said it was his fault that he felt disappointed in Yosuke, but how could one person give that many passes? Yosuke was going to be held accountable for this. He'd be damned if Souji didn't see that by the end.

"No, but I do know that I let you down for the dumbest reason. I..." He could feel his eyes burn with the start of furious tears and turned to the river, biting his cheek to draw them back. "I let the one person I care about more than anyone get hurt... You were terrified and I..." He squeezed Souji's hand in an almost painful grip. "Souji, I fucking _failed_ you. Stop trying to spin this where you're more in the wrong than I am. Because I was a selfish coward, you were completely _alone_. You would have _never_ done that to me. You know, It was right—you actually asked me for something! You never ask anyone for _anything_ and part of me felt vindicated." He used his free hand and covered his forehead before suppressing a pitiful laugh. "Can you believe that? I felt like all that distance you put between yourself and others didn't apply to me, I was always the exception, and even though you never came right out and said it—that was finally my proof. You blatantly made a point to say you needed me. You didn't hint or hope I'd press you, you just trusted I'd be there. And I was so obsessed with the idea of my best friend needing me, but then I just completely let you down. All because I made it about my problems without even realizing it. All because I'm so scared of my dad being disappointed in me."

Souji was quiet for some time, Yosuke matched the silence, but neither of them released the other's hand. They could hear the rush of the water, the hum of noise from town and the obvious tense breathing of the other. They'd coasted on the ease of their friendship, their compatibility finally running into its first obstacle. It was natural, friends were supposed to fight, but both of them found that... neither really knew how.

"You talk about your parents being disappointed in you," Souji finally said. "I think that's a respectable fear. You say it's a stupid reason, but... I don't think it is. Despite what I've just said, even I want to make my parents proud."

"Yeah, but... You have to worry about more complicated things," Yosuke countered, trying to make Souji see his problems were—once again—actually substantial. Definitely not the whining Yosuke was doing.

"That's not true," his friend argued back. "I worry about school and my future career. I worry about how my wants—now that I have genuine aspirations that are my own—will contend with what my parent's goals are for me. I went so many years without so much as a single argument against their wishes, but now that I'm to where I can make the most important decisions, I'm finally fighting back... It just hurts because they're not doing the same." A sad smile appeared. "The more I observe them, the more sense it makes. My father's intelligence is worlds apart from my own, which I know disappoints him, and my mother is so charismatic and driven, which I clearly didn't inherit. They had so many directions they wanted me to go, but somewhere along the way they just stopped trying. No lectures or interest in my day-to-day life—nothing. And..." Souji briefly grit his teeth, balling his other hand up in a tight fist. "My parents never give up on anything, not even the most lost of causes, so I must have completely failed their expectations..." He looked to Yosuke once more, expression softening for him. "I share the same sentiment you're concerned with. I don't think I was the son they wanted. It's not something you want to accept even the possibility of."

Yosuke had a face of disbelief. "Souji, that is insane—you are like the kid every parent would want! You are perfect in school, you never do anything they'd have bail you out of jail for, you're more responsible than ninety percent of the adults I know—maybe ninety-nine! Why would you ever doubt that you're what your parents want?"

"I'd ask you the same," he answered in an amused tone.

"I am almost none of those things! Hell, I'm the reason we were arrested!"

"Why do you set the bar at me?"

"Because you're nearly perfect, dude! Even you have to see you're a cut above a lot of people."

Souji didn't seem to agree and had a deep frown. "I'm not what you always make me out to be."

"I mean, I wish I could be more like you," Yosuke admitted, now looking back at the water. "I wish I could just focus on what I needed and not be distracted by every little thing that comes my way. I don't want to be afraid of my future, but I'm just burying it under insignificant stuff. You at least tackle things head on, even when you don't want to. You're more driven than you think."

His friend let out a sigh. "But you have so much experience with things I feel are more important... I wish that sometimes I could just act on how I feel instead of second-guessing my every move. How many opportunities have I missed by not acting before thinking?"

"Think about how many disasters you've avoided."

"Regardless, I think what I wish for the most is... I wish could take a step back and be what people needed. I want to be the person who is fit to emotionally support them, not just an analytical thinker that's so detached from their situation. A listener is fine, honest advice is as well, but I want..." He paused and pulled Yosuke's hand up to look at it. "I want to be indispensible to someone... I want them to need me as much as I need them."

It was strange. Right now, Yosuke didn't see his friend, he saw someone hurting. Someone who was lost and needed another person who was strong enough to help pull them back to safety. Even if that safety was just two people sitting by a river, attempting to mutually understand the other. Yosuke wasn't great at being a hero, he definitely wasn't great at saying the words needed in these moments, but Souji... Souji was different. He'd always been different. He'd always _be_ different. So, that's why he didn't see his friend, he just finally saw Souji. It was this one—this Souji—that he loved.

The indecision from the previous night began to dissolve. The unwanted feeling drifted to the back of his mind. The terror was forgotten as though it'd never been a concern in the first place.

And... it was okay.

He drew Souji's hand against his chest, pressing his partner's palm against where his pounding heart was, and spoke in an affectionate, quiet voice, "I need you."

Souji lips parted as if to say something, but all he did was sit and stare at where their fingers were woven together. Yosuke knew that he couldn't fix the hurt Souji felt, that he couldn't mend their friendship this quickly. Honestly, he wouldn't want it to be that easy. It wouldn't mean as much if he didn't build that trust back slowly and more securely this time. He might have failed his friend, but he wouldn't lose this fight. He refused. Even if everyone else failed Souji, he'd show him that he had one lifeline, one that wouldn't falter when the rest of the world did.

"Souji, I agree with what your Shadow said," Yosuke started, voice steady but regretful. "I mean, I don't want to, but It was right. That night when you met with Adachi, I wasn't being honest... I was so pissed that you went without us. We'd all made a promise, but... I know you well enough to know when you aren't  sure of what you're going to do. I waited at Junes, I watched you enter the TV—I almost followed you in... but I didn't. I regret it, especially knowing what I know now, but I guess it was something you had to see for yourself. I wanted to punch you when you came back out, to knock some sense into you like you had me, but I froze up. I panicked, I hid behind being concerned and let down when I really wanted to tell you off." A pitiful laugh escaped. "But you know... I did want to ask what had happened. I did want to fight for you to tell me the truth—ask why you lied to us... to me." He took a deep breath. "I think I didn't because I'd grown used to you saying you were fine when I asked, even when I knew it was never the full truth... But you can't make someone open up to you. In a way, I did make it about me, so you were right. I felt like you'd chosen him over me. I didn't know why I felt so betrayed, especially when it was clear you weren't gonna just switch sides and fight for the guy, but I guess it was just the first time I didn't feel more important than everyone else. I wasn't the exception in that moment, and... it hurt... It felt like you didn't know how much you meant to me, that you didn't fully believe in me... That's why when you say that's what you want, you already found someone who you're indispensible to, even when I'm awful at showing it."

By the end of it, Yosuke's heart had slowed to a natural beat. He wasn't sure how he felt so calm—so at ease. It certainly wasn't in his nature to be pieced together like this, but maybe it was because of what he'd seen that day. His concerns had been verified, and it'd hurt—damn, did it hurt—but it meant he could finally move forward. What an odd thing to find freeing.

"Yosuke... I..."

Souji still wouldn't look at him, his gaze locked on their hands that Yosuke wouldn't move until his friend was ready.

Yosuke rescued him. "It's okay, you don't really have to say anything back. I just wanted you to know, because it wasn't something you needed to worry about. That should be the least of your concerns right—"

"You're mine, too."

For a brief moment, Yosuke wasn't sure what to feel, but he didn't try to hide the bright smile that found its way across his cheeks.

"I know."

Souji never released his friend's hand, but he did shift closer to lay his head against Yosuke's shoulder, bringing their hands to rest in the shallow valley made by their legs pressing together. Yosuke used his other hand to remove his headphones and laid his own head against Souji's, positioning himself as closely as comfortably possible.

There was a significant silence between the pair.

It didn't feel romantic, but it didn't feel like friends comforting the other, either. Yosuke wasn't able to pinpoint what the two of them were, but the line of their friendship was so blurred it was painful. They felt like soul mates that missed one final mark in the heavens to be completely what the other needed. If so, it was nearly unbearable, but Yosuke was experienced enough to know fairness was more rare than luck.

"Do you forgive me?"

The words had come from Souji in a faint whisper.

"There's never been anything to forgive, Souji."

"You know, you haven't called me 'partner' since we met with my Shadow today," his friend noted, tightening his grasp on the other even more.

Yosuke formed a half-smile, oddly happy that Souji missed the nickname as much as he did. "I was waiting to earn the right back."

He could feel Souji's face tense up. "Please don't say that."

"I'm sorry."

His best friend was quiet for another minute before taking a deep breath. "Yosuke... I know I shouldn't want to lock everyone away," he began again, his Shadow's words still plaguing him. "I want to keep you locked away most of all. How awful is that? I should not want my best friend to remain alone just so I don't have to compete for his attention. I should want you to find someone who understands you and makes you happy. I know what I want isn't what a true friend should, so why am I still not fighting against it? ...What's wrong with me?"

Yosuke wasn't sure how to work through that particular problem either, but he knew why. He knew Souji wouldn't have to compete with _anyone_.

"Souji, I can't think of anyone who is a truer friend than you." He leaned down to make Souji look at him, now a breath apart. "There's no one on Earth I'd rather go into battle with. No matter what, we're partners. Win, lose or draw."

This close, even with the heavy darkness cloaking them, Yosuke could see the Souji's eyes grow misty from his words.

He didn't want to share his best friend either. He didn't want to see Souji telling another how he cared for them. There wasn't a person alive that deserved his partner. He certainly didn't, but that didn't stop him from imagining. What would it feel like to be open with Souji? He could picture their life together so easily it was frightening. How? How was everything so natural between them? His old, engrained beliefs were fighting against what his heart wanted, but it all hurt too damn much.

His best friend's words were what sent him soaring above what he thought possible. Those sincere words were what gave Yosuke both never-ending confidence and grounded him when he didn't know his own limits. They were what he sought more than any acceptance he would receive from his family. It was _because_ Souji was so vital to his life that Yosuke had offered his own without hesitation countless times before.

He looked over Souji's normally pale features, landing on the only bit of color present on his face: His lips. Maybe the adrenaline was fueling him, maybe the back and forth of what-if would come later, but he'd never forgive himself if he didn't take this chance. What was the risk? Souji punching him? He'd been there, it was something he could withstand. Souji wasn't moving away, he seemed as locked in place as Yosuke. He'd have seconds before his best friend reacted, this was the point of no return. Because if he waited even one more he was going to talk himself out of it.

 

 

Souji had been right. Yosuke was so, so tired of not getting to decide what made him happy.

 

 

Souji was what made him happy.

 

 

It _did_ have to be Souji.

 

 

He closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against Souji's as delicately as he could manage. It was feather light, the movement so careful yet coaxing. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to be doing or feeling, but this was right. This was what his heart had been craving. He wanted to infuse in what might be their one and only kiss all of what had been tearing his heart apart. The layered mess of doubt and certainty and mixed love. It was his only chance to show Souji everything he'd been thinking and wanting, because he wasn't strong enough to say the words aloud. These brief seconds were going to be the only ones he'd ever be gifted.

...

Which was why it was so surprising to feel wetness against his cheeks. He froze, knowing those tears weren't his own. His heart sank. He'd hurt Souji. He'd hurt the one he loved. He began to pull back, terrified his selfishness had finally found Souji's breaking point, but all too quickly, fingers laced through his hair, pulling him closer than before. This time, his partner's lips were the ones to move with urgency against his own, rough enough to bring them both to the brink of pain, yet staying in the delightful limbo just before it.

With that, he found his answer.

It was a mess partly of desperation and resolution. His head was swirling with questions and doubt, while the other part was telling him to just shut up and enjoy this. His abusive consciousness won out. Souji's hands were gliding over Yosuke's cheeks, through his hair, down the side of his throat—all too fast for Yosuke's senses to follow.

"Yosuke," Souji whispered his name breathlessly against his partner's lips, never breaking away.

There was immeasurable suffering laced in his voice. In that moment, Yosuke realized that Souji's torture had carried on far longer than his own. How long had he wanted this? The weight it carried sent shivers throughout his body. The scathing words he'd heard earlier were worth it if this could be his future. If even a fraction of this happiness could be carried with him.

Yosuke's own hands were satisfied to rest along Souji's jaw line, his thumbs just under his friend's ears, his fingers curved around the back of his neck. He willed his eyes to remain closed, to seal out the world and focus solely on the warmth Souji spread throughout him. He allowed himself to breathe in the scent of earth from Souji's skin, to feel the pulse thundering  against his palms, to taste the bittersweet kiss he was so glad he'd never allowed himself to imagine.

In truth, it all probably only lasted a handful of seconds, but as they parted, Yosuke burned every sense into his memory. Their shortness of breath, the way Souji's cheeks were flushed, the desperate grip of his friend's hands as they clung to the fabric of Yosuke's shirt. What moment of a person's life did they recall most easily? Yosuke wanted to imagine this would be his.

"This... This can't be real," Souji spoke between breaths, eyes still closed. "This can't... be happening."

Yosuke's chest ached. "Souji..." His hands moved to settle against his partner's chest and cheek.

"There is no way this is real." Once again, Souji's lips found Yosuke's, this time much more brief and tender. "You can't be... This isn't real."

Yosuke responded in a soft voice, "Hey, don't talk like that... I'm right here, aren't I?" He finished with a soft laugh and pressed their noses together. "See? This is real."

Souji's fingers threatened to tear Yosuke's shirt. "Are you? What if... What if I'm being tricked again? How do I know this isn't another hallucination? ...That I haven't finally just lost my mind."

Yosuke remembered Souji's panicked voice over the phone that night, the way he struggled to discern reality from the nightmare he'd lived. He was here this time, he was able to chase away Souji's demons. He could keep his promise.

"Come on, partner," he instructed, breaking away from Souji only to help him stand. "Let's go home."

Maybe it was because Yosuke's voice was absent of nervousness, but Souji simply nodded and followed the other boy up the riverbank and finally towards the main road.

 

===

 

It was late evening, but Yosuke knew his parents would be out for the night. As mad as he'd been earlier, it now suited his interests, so there was no need to feel concerned.

Still, once they'd arrived in Yosuke's room, he closed and locked the door behind them. No words had been said since they left the river, they'd remained their regular distance away from the other as though nothing had happened, but it'd felt different. Souji was sitting on the couch, not looking at Yosuke, but it was unsurprising.

Yosuke reached into his pocket, pulling out the glasses he hadn't needed to use earlier that day. He walked over to his friend, kneeling down and tilting Souji's chin up to face him, touching him as though it'd always been that easy. His partner looked apprehensive, far weaker than Yosuke had ever seen him, but it would be okay. He felt confident he could fix this.

He unfolded his glasses and slipped them onto Souji's ears and nose. At first, the leader blinked a few times to adjust to the foreign object, but settled on a confused look. Yosuke had a comforting smile. "Can you see me?"

A hesitant nod.

"There's no hallucination, partner. I'm real." He removed the glasses and brought Souji's hand to his chest once more, the beat of his heart steady and clear. "It's just us. He's not here."

"But it's felt this real before. It's been much worse," Souji admitted, fighting to keep his voice even.

He thought back to the violent Shadow, how He'd physically harmed his friend. Fury bloomed in his chest, but this wasn't the time to dwell on that.

"There is no way you want this." Souji twisted up Yosuke's shirt once again, needing something to keep him from falling apart. "That's why... I can't..."

He gently cupped Souji's cheeks and held his face level to his own. "I want this."

His partner's face was pained as he shook his head. "No... No..."

He captured Souji's lips again with his own, whispering against them, "I want you."

A sob caught in his partner's throat, shaking both of them.

He pulled away to look in Souji's eyes, finally wanting their intensity to bear down on his own.

"I love you."

A wave of expressions crashed over Souji's features, all encompassing disbelief. A warm smile from Yosuke greeted Souji's doubt.

The leader moved back, creating a wider distance to think. "What... What did you just say?"

His friend's smile grew. "I love you."

Souji's breathing rapidly increased as he stared down at the floor, and his hands moved to hold his head, confusion clouding his face. The other teen let him have his moment.

"Yosuke... Just... how?" When he looked back up, his brows were narrowed, his mouth slightly open as though he'd intended to say more.

"What do you mean?"

Souji also seemed to be unsure of what he'd meant.

Yosuke scooted up closer, taking hold of Souji's shoulders. "Do you see that this is real?"

Almost instantly, Souji shook his head. "Absolutely not. This is... This makes less sense than seeing my Shadow."

It might have been somewhat dramatic, but Yosuke detected the sincerity in his words. This was understandable given what he'd been up against recently. With how Yosuke had been acting. His eyes searched for what Souji needed from him, but all he found staring back was fear.

"What I said," Souji started, voice wavering. "What It said about you. That's why this isn't real. There is no way... that you can love someone like me."

But Yosuke had made a promise.

He'd prove to Souji that he was real, that this was real—that **_they_** were real.

In one fluid motion, Yosuke had Souji laying on his back against the cushions, his legs carefully straddling Souji's hips. He stared down at his surprised friend, the distance he'd left between them a safe one in case Souji wasn't comfortable.

"Partner, I'm so sorry I hurt you... I'm so sorry you can't believe in me right now because of the things I've done to you... But please, please believe me that I do love—"

Souji grabbed Yosuke's collar and pulled him down to take his lips prisoner, closing the distance in an instant. The usual reservations left Yosuke's mind, and this time, his hands were the ones to explore Souji. He'd never felt the give of skin from another person, the roll of their muscles against his fingers as they moved back against his own. Their lips never broke as they leaned up and slipped their jackets off and cast them towards the floor. They never separated as they stumbled off the couch and fell into the same position on Yosuke's bed. Even through clothes, Souji's body felt indescribably warm against his own. Without the restrictive space of the couch, his hands freely moved along Souji's arms, down his sides, never even stopping once they reached the hem of his shirt. Souji's own desperate response was the consent he needed to move under the clothing and feel the softness of his hidden skin.

His head was spinning while the world felt muted. He could hear Souji's gasps for air he'd take during the brief pauses they allowed the other, he could hear the rustle of their clothes and the covers, he could hear his own heartbeat deafening whatever else surrounded them. But he couldn't hear enough of Souji. He needed to drown himself in that. Something broke within him, the apprehension his mind had used to defend his choices, crumbled. He wanted to love Souji. He wanted to feel him. Nothing could ever be wrong with something this wonderful.

His mouth moved off his partner's, leaving Souji to make the slightest of whimpers in protest. If Yosuke hadn't felt it as his lips found Souji's throat, he wouldn't have even noticed it. He refused to let Souji be quiet, he refused to allow him to censor himself with Yosuke right now. He broke his lips away to lift Souji's shirt over his head, another gasp escaping his partner as the cold air surrounded him. Still straddling Souji's hips, Yosuke leaned up to remove his own, crushing his body back against Souji a moment later.

Truthfully, Yosuke was lost on what he was doing. Souji had been the first person he'd ever even kissed. This was certainly unknown to him, but something akin to auto-pilot had taken control and now he couldn't imagine stopping. He wanted to feel more of Souji, to taste every inch of skin, to hear the sounds only he could bring out. All of what he wanted was probably far more than what Souji would be willing to give being the rational one of the two at all times, but Yosuke was going to make damn sure Souji's mind focused solely on this moment.

His lips were playing along Souji's neck, stopping at his collarbone only to travel back up to his jaw line, all while his fingers massaged against Souji's tense muscles along his abdomen and up and down his arms. He could feel Souji's hands, unmoving, on his back, he could feel his constrained breathing. It was too controlled. Yosuke sank his teeth into the tender flesh of Souji's neck, eliciting a cry of surprise from his partner, Souji's once reserved hands now dragging rough lines down Yosuke's back. It was a pain he hadn't thought he'd welcome so much. Yet, despite all that, Souji fought to keep still. It was driving Yosuke mad. Who they were now—it wasn't what they'd been even an hour ago. Yosuke wanted Souji to let go, to finally realize he didn't need to worry about his friend—about anything. That he needed to—

"Please," he begged in a whisper against his partner's ear, "please stop thinking."

Souji shivered beneath him, holding Yosuke impossibly closer. Yosuke settled for planting kisses in his friend's hair, still not wanting to stop touching him. A moment later, he felt Souji's lips kiss his shoulder.

"Yosuke..."

The named teen pulled back just enough to see Souji's hazy eyes.

"Yes?"

Souji finally smiled, a smile that shattered the inside of Yosuke's chest.

"I love you."

A grin broke across Yosuke's face, the knowledge that he'd proven to Souji he loved him granting him that. But the sadness in his partner's eyes couldn't be avoided.

"Souji, what's wrong?"

Confliction appeared. "Am I really okay?"

Yosuke threaded his fingers through his friend's hair. "Are you okay to what?"

Souji never lost his smile as he answered, 

 

 

"...To stop."

 

 

Yosuke faltered and silenced Souji with his lips, his self-control gone once more. The natural feeling between them swept up Yosuke's doubt, not letting him question what he most likely should. With no barrier to hide behind, he was forced to act on what he _truly_ felt in his heart. He'd take control, he'd help Souji forget, he'd let his partner have one night just to _feel_. This time, Souji was relaxed under his touch, even as Yosuke's hands ventured lower and bumped against Souji's belt. He unfastened both of theirs', throwing them to the side and making quick work of the buttons next. There was an unavoidable air of embarrassment from Yosuke as he slipped off the last of their clothes, but his movements were never once reluctant. Souji didn't seem the least bit hesitant, simply lost in the rhythmic coaxing of Yosuke's kiss. There was nothing masterful about the way Yosuke moved the two of them together; in fact, it was more than clumsy, but the scorching sensations of Souji's whole being pressed against him was enough to help him forget. They moaned into their kiss, the new feeling of the other too much to process all at once. Yosuke refused to let Souji break for even a breath as his hand went slowly over the arch of Souji's ribs, the slight hill and valley of his hip, finally curling behind his thigh to position the two of them more on their sides.

His pulse was a roar in his ears, there was an ache inside him that seared him from his core out to his limbs. He'd never felt less in control in his life, despite being the one who was commanding their bodies. He found the small of Souji's back and pulled him flush against him, reveling in hearing his partner's moan as their arousals pressed together once more. There was something about knowing he was the only one allowed this that sent even more excitement through him. He'd devour him if it meant he could just hear Souji uninhibited.

His partner's hands were happy to simply trace along Yosuke's collarbone, chest and shoulders. Perhaps it was because the touch was so slight, but it was like sparks spread from his fingertips with each new area Souji explored. Souji was the first to deepen their kiss, gliding his tongue against and through the block Yosuke hadn't even noticed separated them. Finally tasting their sweet desperation mixing together caused frighteningly dominant thoughts to invade his clouded mind. Every passing second  made him feel dangerously powerful. He'd never been this way, he was always so set on stepping back to allow a person to find what they needed from him. Now, all he could imagine was Souji pinned beneath him, completely accepting of wherever Yosuke planned to lead them.

He tore away and kissed down his neck to his chest, all the way to his abdomen, a jolt going up his spine with each quiet, begging noise Souji would release. He needed more of them, he was growing more and more reckless as his lips and tongue found every dip in Souji's heated skin. As he ran his thumb against Souji's raised hipbone, his partner finally tensed. For the first time, Yosuke looked up to see the staggering view of Souji's half-lidded eyes, flushed cheeks, swollen lips and matted hair clinging to his gleaming skin. If there was any doubt left that Souji was the exception to all his body's wants, this image evaporated even the most uncompromising one. He was left speechless at just how vulnerable Souji looked.

"Wait," Souji interrupted between shallow gasps. "You don't..."

But Yosuke's head was too far gone, his base instincts had taken over long ago.

"Souji," he hissed, barely keeping himself aware. "Where is the line?"

His partner's cheeks grew an impossible shade darker, but he remained silent, no longer subtly moving away from Yosuke.

It was enough.

The other plunged back into his mouth's mindless questioning of Souji's skin, moving him to lay on his back once more. He could hear the light thump of Souji's head falling against the pillow, finally conceding. Impulse had carried him this far, momentum having remained steady enough to block him from challenging the next step. All he knew was he'd never been this blinded by need before in his life, and all he wanted was to give and take from Souji everything he was allowed. His fingertips slid over to gingerly  wrap around Souji, feeling him shudder involuntarily from the simple touch.

He briefly opened his eyes to gauge Souji's reaction, but found that his own were closed and his lips pressed tightly together. Yosuke paused long enough to drink in the moment, not wanting to imagine anyone getting even close to seeing his partner like this. He'd do whatever necessary to save this all for himself. Souji raised his hips up in one almost undetectable motion, reminding Yosuke that this moment was no still image. The teen dipped his lips back against his partner's throat, pushing his smile against Souji before letting his hot breath spread against the sensitive skin. Souji's shaky breathing picked up as Yosuke began to move his hand at what was an almost agonizingly slow pace. Moments later, Souji moved Yosuke up to kiss him, wrapping his arms around his neck as he did so. Locked in place, Yosuke happily accepted his fate and traced his tongue around Souji's lips, asking for access he already knew he was allowed. He tightened his hold, quickening the pace as he knew Souji was already on the edge before they'd even reached this. His partner finally moaned into the kiss, no longer concealing what he felt from Yosuke. The sound itself was almost enough to undo him.

But as he came down from the moan, Souji's hand slid down his chest and found where their bodies met, taking hold of Yosuke just as gently as he had with him. Yosuke bit down hard on Souji's bottom lip, having never felt anything so overwhelming in his life. Was this what Souji was feeling? Suddenly, as Souji began to match Yosuke's rhythm, all thought fragmented. He only knew this feeling. His mind searched for solid ground, but found only pleasure rippling through his every limb. There was nothing else but Souji in his every sense. This part of him that operated solely on need for the one that was now whispering his love once more, breathlessly, against his lips. Their paces quickened as both drew nearer to the light blooming behind their eyes, as their pleasure pooled between their hips.

Then, lightning.

It was paralyzing, his pulse was deafening in his ears, the feel of Souji's skin melting into his own, the disconnect from the Earth beneath them. He felt trapped beneath a wave he was begging to drown in. Souji clung to him, dragging a hand down Yosuke's back in a clawing line, breaking away to bite down on his shoulder. Yosuke could feel it only serve to make every sensation grow exponentially more intense.

But as those sensations began to mellow all too quickly, the room began to draw back in on them. Yosuke felt a heavy weight settle inside him, his muscles grew weak, his eyes fluttered open to check on Souji, only to see an equally exhausted pair staring back. Their chests heaved as they fought to catch their breath—to catch their consciousness. The white noise of the house drifted through the haze, the soft cotton of the covers brushed against their limbs as they shifted to a comfortable position.

Thought finally came back.

Despite their exhaustion, Souji's movements were unhindered as he circled his arms around Yosuke, turning them both on their sides and hiding his face in the damp skin of his friend's chest. Yosuke smiled down at his partner, stroking through his hair and down the back of his neck. The night before he'd have never thought he'd be telling Souji he loved him, never imagined Souji would love him back and definitely would have **never** even thought he'd be laying here with his partner like this. Was this what had pushed all the crazy out of his head? How was it possible to change so much—so quickly—but only because of one person? But that was what was so frightening about Souji, and so exciting. The hold Souji had over him—he hoped he had even a fraction of that hold over Souji. Maybe it wasn't that kind of change at all, maybe it was just finally giving himself a chance. A chance for his mind to just stop.

His brows narrowed as he felt a slight rumble and Souji's lips moving against him.

"Souji... I can't hear you," he murmured in a soothing voice, trying to crane his ear closer.

His partner inched back, still keeping himself wrapped up in Yosuke's hold.

"I said... please don't leave me," he repeated, barely audible.

Yosuke clenched his jaw shut. After everything that had just happened, Souji was still afraid of Yosuke abandoning him. The other teen gingerly scooped Souji up and positioned him to have their noses pressed together, their limbs still tangled.

"Souji, I will _never_ leave you," he promised, brushing against his lips. "So, please, let me protect you."

Souji was always so strong. Yosuke knew he needed to be. He never questioned the strength his partner exerted, because it was what gave all of them strength. But this wasn't the battlefield, he didn't need to keep trying so hard. Souji could find peace here. He could turn over control if only for these moments.

His partner nodded weakly and closed his eyes, seeming to trust in Yosuke's words. The other teen adjusted to let Souji use his arm as a pillow, already feeling both of them grow heavy with fatigue. As their limbs grew lax and pulled them towards sleep, they leaned into the other.

Their words and feelings were spent, their very spirits worn down to almost nothingness, and it was in this moment that their two worlds meddled into one.

One that was finally quiet.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The following morning.

 

What had they done?

 

What had they done?

 

 

**_What the hell had they done?_ **

 

****

Souji submerged his entire head under the bath water, holding his breath until his lungs threatened to burst. It wasn't until the dizzying heat forced him back up that he broke through the surface.

What insane idea had caught them in the heat of the moment to let them think that was a good idea? What _had_ they been thinking? Where had Souji's voice of reason been? Where had his logic been, period? He clamped his eyes shut as his fingers dug into his tangled, soaked hair, pulling until the pain was a blinding white light behind his eyes.

Okay, so... the first step was processing what had led up to it all.

Yosuke wasn't supposed to be that forward. He wasn't supposed to welcome Souji so easily in his arms—comfort with words, fine, but _that_? Kiss him? Admit his love? And... And...

He was going to have to admit to himself what had just happened last night.

His composure had been completely lost. He'd still felt raw after his ‘Shadow’; he'd wanted to feel Yosuke hold him and shush him and reassure him that they were still friends and that nothing had changed. Instead, they'd...

They'd crossed that line so easily it was frightening.

They'd skipped straight past slow and steady and plunged headfirst into... into...

When he closed his eyes, all he saw was Yosuke's gentle smile as he leaned over him. Even surrounded by the purposefully scalding water, all he felt were Yosuke's hands and body all over him. No matter how much he'd scrubbed, Yosuke's scent was burned into his skin, mingling with the steam.

The love and want he felt for Yosuke was practically suffocating. Still, it wasn’t enough to fully bury his anxiety.

Yosuke's emotional formula was well-known to him. This had been Souji’s own fatal error. He'd had multiple chances to stop his friend, but he'd failed. What was worse was that he’d actively fought against the logical part of his mind.

His skin felt sensitive like he was still coming down from the night before. He brushed his fingertips against his neck and shivered, with a tingling longing left in their wake. Despite every contrary thought he'd just had, he wanted nothing more than to crawl back under the covers with Yosuke and go even further. He'd never felt this way in his life; he'd never desired anyone. Even when he was just working through his feelings for Yosuke, any sexual thought had been absent. Truthfully, he'd briefly wondered if he lacked the capacity for sexual desire. It hadn't upset him then, but was tearing him apart now. His limbs began to tremble, courtesy of the ever-present anxiety, and he knew this signaled the end of his memories. That was enough. He couldn't hide away from it any longer.

He stepped out of the water and grabbed a towel off the stand. As he began to dry off, he looked towards the mirror mounted next to him. Souji paused and wiped the condensation away, seeing his reflection more clearly now.

He looked the same.

Not that he should look any different, but he certainly felt it. His thumb traced along the faint marks Yosuke had left scattered across his collarbone and neck. He couldn't fight his pleased smile. Yosuke always made Souji an awful negotiator with his generally infallible self-control.

He slipped clothes on, and took comfort in the fact that Yosuke's parents never came home the previous night. At least he was able to avoid what would have been an awkward morning conversation with them. Not that what was coming wouldn't be on par, or worse.

The walk back to Yosuke's room felt like ages as he purposefully took the slowest steps possible. What if he opened the door and Yosuke immediately started in with reasons why they had to forget the entire thing had ever happened? Souji felt that the fact that his chances were higher than zero was a sign that they should have waited.

His hand held the doorknob tightly, knowing that this was the first time he'd see Yosuke awake since it'd all happened. He tried to brace his heart for the rejection, for the regret that would roll off Yosuke, but most of all, to just accept that last night was probably his singular night with the person he loved. His thoughts spilled over with the argument that it’d have been so much easier to have never felt anything at all.

…

But as he opened the door, there was only a remarkably warm smile to greet him.

"Morning, partner."

Souji’s lips parted in astonishment.

The look on Yosuke's face and the tone of his voice radiated pure affection.

There sat his best friend, with the craziest bedhead Souji’d ever seen, clothes wrinkled and disheveled, shoulders lazily drooping, and a face that was flushed from just having woken up.

He was perfect.

Souji took every detail in. He was seeing past whatever had been the Yosuke of before. This Yosuke was separate. He couldn’t explain it even to himself; this was just a feeling of difference. The only answer might be that this was just how one perceived a lover and not just a friend.

Yosuke stood up from the futon, trying not to trip as he stepped over the haphazardly thrown covers. As he crossed the room, Souji felt his body tense in anticipation for something to go horribly wrong. This wasn't how things were supposed to play out.

Yosuke must have sensed his worry and raised a hand to Souji’s cheek. "Souji? Are you alright?" His voice was unusually soft and gentle.

Souji’s defenses were shredded. The leader had discovered last night that he was far from in command when it came to these moments. He nodded his head, bringing a relieved sigh from Yosuke.

"Good."

He wanted to kiss him.

He wanted to feel him all over again.

His mind wouldn't quiet down, and to avoid seeing Yosuke's loving eyes, he closed his own. He focused on the feel of Yosuke's skin against his cheek, the heat he could still feel radiating from the closeness of their bodies. He leaned into Yosuke's hand, still unable to say anything back to him. His silence was more of a loss on what to say versus the usual, conscious choice.

"Souji."

His eyes slowly opened.

Yosuke's face was nervous and tinged pink. "Can I kiss you?"

His breath faltered for a moment, but he managed to give a slight nod. His friend gave a shy grin and met his lips. It felt smooth. It felt natural. It didn’t feel like a kiss shared the morning after the first. This felt like a lifetime of love interwoven with thoughtful consideration. There was no possible way this was a kiss new lovers shared.

Yosuke's hand moved away briefly only to return at the hem of Souji's shirt, dipping under the fabric and massaging the tense muscles of his back. Souji found that all he could do was stand there, arms at his side with his hands twisted up into fists. Still, his mouth played against Yosuke's; his tongue traced circles against the other's lips before deepening the kiss. His body began to grow hot, the same fog drowning his reason as it had the night before. He tried to remind himself through the occluding thoughts that he couldn't let himself get caught up in the moment this time.

Yosuke didn't seem as sure—or, at least, he seemed sure in another way. His fingers splayed across Souji's back before curving around to his chest, trailing down his ribs and pressing his thumbs against Souji's hip bones. The leader forgot his reserved nature and let a weak moan escape into Yosuke's throat, a jolt of pleasure going through his spine. His friend took it as a cue to carefully press Souji against the nearby wall, his tongue invading deeper yet before breaking away to taste the still damp skin of Souji's neck.

Souji was already back on the edge of losing himself. It was just as easy—if not easier—than it had been the night before. Maybe it was because he now knew just how good Yosuke could make him feel, maybe it was because he now knew just how complete he felt with Yosuke surrounding him, but whatever the reason, saying no was an abandoned notion. His muscles stopped resisting. His hands slackened at his sides. He let his body catch fire. He allowed Yosuke's mouth and hands to move freely all while silently pleading for him to go further.

But his friend pulled back, cold air invading the warmth that had enveloped them. Souji hadn't noticed how heavily he'd been breathing until he opened his eyes and saw Yosuke's serious face. It brought his logical thought back with it.

"We should probably wait," his friend suggested, breath just as short, and not seeming to believe in his own statement.

Souji certainly didn't. "Why?"

"We have to leave soon." Yosuke's face was a mixture of bother and simply trying to rein himself back in.

In Souji’s mind, waiting was risky; it was dangerous. Waiting implied the chance for Yosuke to second-guess himself.

"I'm going to go take a bath, alright? I'll be right back," Yosuke said, hesitantly stepping away and grabbing a set of clothes for himself. "Just relax while you can." He was trying to keep it together for Souji. It wasn't like Souji didn't hear the trembling in his friend's voice.

When Yosuke left the room, Souji collapsed back onto the couch, trying to calm the need boiling beneath his skin. He'd wanted this with Yosuke, but he still wasn't convinced they hadn't gone too fast. He didn't regret it, just worried about it. Were they only being this reckless because everything _had_ happened so quickly? His thoughts returned to last night, wanting to remember the way Yosuke's eyes had torn through him. He felt like he should be embarrassed with how open he'd been, that there should be shame somewhere, but he found none.

He thought to what his ‘Shadow’ had said, about not being able to give himself over completely to another person—to trust them implicitly. After everything that had just happened, he didn't see how he couldn't trust Yosuke just as much—if not more—than before. Then again, he was still worried Yosuke would realize everything and panic... Maybe he needed to let his own surge of emotions calm down as well.

That being decided, it wasn't like Souji wasn't over the damn moon. It was nice to forget for a few hours, to not have to feel paranoid or alone. It was strange, but the void his Personas left, stung a little less. He knew that was temporary; he wasn't so naïve that he didn't realize this giddiness would fade. Reality would come surging back to haunt him; what happened wouldn't change that his ‘Shadow’ was still here, and his Personas weren’t.

But it was okay to forget for a few more minutes.

His eyes closed.

Just a few.

===

Souji allowed himself those handful of minutes and no more. He got up, made a quick breakfast for the pair, and actually managed a few bites. Of course, Yosuke rambled on about how amazing the food was, but still apologized for making him cook for them.

"It's fine," Souji replied, unable to keep eye contact. "I actually like it."

"Like what? Cooking?"

His face was burning. "...Taking care of you."

"Oh."

His friend hadn't sounded dismissive, just embarrassed. As much as Souji felt the same nervousness, he was excited to tell Yosuke these things. If they had more time, he wanted to ask a dozen questions, tell Yosuke more of what he felt, because last night had been a flurry of so much, that words really didn't have a place in it.

"Well... Thank you," Yosuke said with a hint of happiness, all while poking at his food.

A lot wasn't being addressed. He knew he should probably ask if Yosuke was aware that last night and this morning had even happened, but the other part of him was afraid to say anything and scare him away. It was unbelievable how well Yosuke was taking things. He wanted to know why, and what the trigger of it all had been, but he couldn't—perhaps, shouldn't—ask. However, this heavy air between them wouldn't do, so that was his only option.

"Yosuke... Can I ask you a question?"

The other teen had a knowing smile. "Sure, I guess. What's up?"

He didn't like having already been figured out. "How are... You seem very at ease. I guess I don't understand why."

"To be honest, I don't really get it either," Yosuke answered, a look of contemplation on his face. "I figured I'd be freaking out at least a little, but I just feel... really, really happy right now." He leaned on the table and put his chin in his hand. "What about you? You seem not okay."

Souji shook his head. "No, I'm just..."

What? Ecstatic? Overjoyed? Elated? In love and loved back? Was that an emotion? Love was an emotion, so surely that kind of applied—

"You're?"

"Scared."

That wasn't the response he was sure Yosuke was wanting, but it was the truer answer. He was mind-numbingly thrilled that Yosuke loved him, that last night had happened, that this morning was the follow-up, but something was just... off. Perhaps not wrong, but certainly not normal.

His friend had a worried expression. "Scared? Of what?"

Of what, indeed. In truth, there was quite a bit mulling around in his mind, but he subdued it for now. He needed to focus on the immediate.

"You do..." The fire raging on his face, neck and ears wouldn't calm. "You do remember last night, don't you?"

Yosuke adjusted in his seat, moving to rest against the back of his chair. The color of his face matched Souji's. "I mean... yeah. I definitely remember everything."

"So, you realize just how quickly we... Well..."

It was becoming more and more clear they had really rushed into things. If they couldn't even talk about what had happened, then they weren't prepared for it.

Yosuke let a nervous chuckle slip out. "Partner, if you're scared I regret it, I don't. It's pretty damn embarrassing to talk about, but I think that's a given."

Or maybe couples _did_ get anxious talking about it if they just started...

Dating?

Were they dating?

What were they?

Souji fought to keep eye contact. How was Yosuke managing this so well? "What does this make us, though?" Because he didn't see Yosuke liking the label of 'boyfriends'. Souji didn't care what they were, as long as Yosuke acknowledged the romantic aspect of it.

"I figured just... partners? Like before?"

Souji had an unsure expression.

Yosuke realized his mistake immediately and threw both hands up. "Wait! I mean like—um, well... Not like just friends? You're still my best friend, but it's not just that? I see you as..." He let out a heavy breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, can we both agree we’re basically emotionally illiterate? Neither of us can really argue that, so let’s just…” He briefly trailed off, looking to another corner of the room before back to Souji with a pensive stare. “I love you, and that just makes us together, right?"

Souji finally smiled. "...Right."

"Souji..." Yosuke let out another unsure sigh. "I don't know how to be... lovey dovey, or anything. Don't expect me to be _any_ good at that stuff." It'd been said with a laugh, but Souji could tell he was being serious. However, he felt like Yosuke would probably be amazing at it. He was too thoughtful and too good of a planner not to be.

"I don't mind," Souji assured with a gentle voice.

Yosuke's face was still red. "Yeah, I figured you'd say that... I'm just not good with presents or holidays and stuff. So... don't do anything like that for me either, alright?"

"No promises."

Another sigh. "I figured you'd say that, too."

Souji didn't want to leave yet. He wanted to keep talking. He knew they didn't have much longer, and then there would be no talking about this for the rest of the day—possibly the night. These questions had to matter; they had to be important.

"Yosuke..." But then he froze on them. The whole situation seemed like a landmine ready to go off with one misstep.

"Yeah?"

It was the calm demeanor that was throwing him off-kilter the most. Yosuke's expression was so understanding before the words had even been said. Souji's 'Shadow' might have said he didn't like being predictable, but maybe it was more that he didn't like not having the ability to catch someone off guard. It didn’t take long to realize that Yosuke—at least as his lover—was the exception. The leader might have felt that way when they were simply friends, but last night Souji had been like a different person. He’d wanted to let go. It’d been the first time he’d ever turned over control of himself in any capacity. The notion of not even having to think should have terrified him, but he hadn't felt panicked, or even nervous. He’d just felt... whole. Whole even without Personas or answers.

"I'm trying to piece everything together. It just seems as though, given what my ‘Shadow’ said, you'd have felt more distance between us. What made you..." He shifted in his seat for a moment before finishing in a much quieter voice, "Kiss me?"

Yosuke shrugged, but was no longer fidgeting. "I guess... I got to hear the truth. I got the answers I’d been wanting. Then, I saw you there, completely broken-down, and all I wanted was for you to feel okay again. I think I was just hoping that what you needed was the same thing I did."

"I don't think I understand," Souji replied, trying desperately to not make Yosuke repeat himself and waste even more time.

"I really don't know how else to explain it. The night before, I realized that all of what I'd been thinking and feeling for the past few months basically added up to me loving you.” His gaze fell to the table. “I won't lie, it freaked me the hell out. I tried to bury it, but it felt wrong to do that. I was trying to be honest with myself, but I had no idea how to do that when it came to liking you... Especially after I talked to you about all the crap with my dad. The timing was insanely off, too. Your ‘Shadow’ and Personas were what we needed to focus on, not my all over the place emotions... I wanted easy, and liking you was the opposite of that."

Souji felt his body begin to tense up.

Yosuke surprised him by looking back up with hopeful eyes. "Honestly, partner, for the past few months, I felt like sometimes I was talking to a complete stranger. It was like I didn't know you anymore. I didn't know how to take that. Then, after your ‘Shadow’, it all made sense."

So, Yosuke _had_ noticed the difference. Of course. How did these things even surprise the leader anymore?

His friend continued, "But I think what it really came down to was I realized that what we were didn't fit _us_ anymore."

Souji's eyebrows narrowed in confusion. "What do you mean by 'fit us'?"

"It was like before was what was off, and this is... right, I guess." The warm smile from this morning returned. "Me loving you is what I was supposed to be doing all along."

Souji’s words failed him, again. His heart felt heavy. How could he possibly love the boy in front of him, more? He felt so full of peace. The feeling of ease probably should have surprised him, but this was just how his partner made him feel... No, not even that, Yosuke was just a wonderful person. Even with their flaws, the inevitable problems and crossroads they'd yet to reach, he at least knew in this moment, Yosuke loved him unreservedly.

His friend now looked for some affirmation that Souji was okay, but he didn't verbally ask for it. Souji knew that he'd been quiet far too long.

He kept a serious face, deciding to give Yosuke the explanation he was owed. "Yosuke, thank you... but you're not wrong that I've been different. I don't think I've been the same since December."

It was Yosuke's turn to look confused.

"That's when I realized I cared about you. I think I reached the limit where I was able to cope with my problems, alone," the leader clarified.

"With what happened to Nanako, right?"

Souji nodded. "I kept telling myself that I had to get everyone home and then I could sort through how I felt... I think I was hoping for you to stay without my knowing it."

"That was the first time I'd ever decided that I was going to do what I knew was best for you. I wasn't going to leave it up for you to decide," he responded in a solemn tone.

"I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't."

Yosuke had a sad smile. "You don't have to wonder. You won't have to."

Souji knew the implication of that statement. He felt a flutter in his chest, unbelievably thankful that he was able to hear these loving words from his friend right from the start of their relationship. One thing he'd feared was that Yosuke would be too panicked and cold in response to the prejudices he'd be fighting against.

"Regardless, that's when I started to act differently around you. Before, I didn't mind you sharing your time with someone, but as March grew closer, I found myself... terrified. I didn't want _you_ to forget me, most of all. I tried to think of how I could keep us close, but I didn't like the way I was acting. I was scared that by being selfish it would make you feel like you had to act in a different way than you wanted, just to keep me happy. I wanted to think that if I truly loved you, I'd want you to be happy. I'd do what was best for your future, even if it meant sacrificing my happiness. But then I couldn’t make myself genuinely feel and act on that. It made me feel like I didn't love you the way I was supposed to, or that maybe I was just too caught up to realize my brand of love was wrong."

"I don't know about that. I think that it's pretty normal to fight for what you want. I never got the impression you were keeping me from anything," Yosuke assured.

"That's what scares me," Souji replied with a grim expression. "I actively said or wrote things to make you wonder about my intentions. I didn't outright say I cared about you, but I pushed the boundaries about as far as I was able. When I took an interest in your relationship with Ume, it was barely half-hearted. My inner voice argued against every word I said. I didn't believe anything that came out of my mouth when I tried to be supportive.” The leader could hear his ‘Shadow’s’ words repeating. “I was so angry with you."

But a laugh escaped his friend. "I didn't get it at the time, but I was the same way with the Rise thing. Mine was probably worse since she's our friend."

"It doesn't change the fact that I was manipulating you."

Yosuke practically snorted in surprise. "Manipulating? That seems a little over the top."

The leader’s expression and tone became annoyed. "No, it's exactly what it sounds like. I wanted to make you think only about me—"

Yosuke held a hand up. "Souji, stop. What you're describing is just liking someone and wanting them to like you back. Don't make it so dramatic," he insisted, rolling his eyes dismissively. "I don't want you to not think about me, I don't want you to be all romantic with someone else, and I didn't want that even before yesterday. I'm not saying you can't talk to people, I'm just saying it's normal to want to be someone's number one. I don't know a lot about the subject, but as long as people are consenting and happy, what does it matter about _how_ they choose to love someone else?"

"That love shouldn't be manipulative."

"I kinda think that's up for the other party to decide, don't you?"

Souji sighed, "But that also might just point to the manipulator being successful."

Yosuke matched his sigh, "Geez, or maybe that other person's ego needs to dial it back. Stop feeling guilty over dumb stuff. If you have that mindset, I think the real issue might be that you don't trust the other person to think for themselves. There's a pretty clear line in most cases if a person is being controlling."

Souji gave up. Yosuke was right and wrong—they both were. There were too many different types of relationships and love to categorize them neatly—or even categorize them at all. _That_ would be what was wrong. In the end, the love between them was solely their own. That's why, even though he hadn't known what love was supposed to feel like, theirs felt like what both of them needed.

"I just want you to be happy," Souji explained, reaching over and taking Yosuke's hand. "I want to make you happy."

"Well, I have great news," he answered with a grin and wink. "You do."

Yosuke squeezed Souji's hand, but all this wasn't enough to quell the leader's doubts. There were so many obstacles ahead. However, his concerns were suppressed well enough for now. He slowly leaned across the narrow table, leaving a brief kiss on Yosuke's cheek. It seemed to surprise his friend, but left a brighter smile in its wake.

"That does, too," Yosuke jokingly added, trying to hide his embarrassment.

Souji thought he'd be the more direct one of the two, but just a kiss on the cheek took far more courage than he’d anticipated. Still, it was nice to hear the response. He liked the idea of Yosuke taking the lead on these things since it also helped reassure Souji that the other did want it.

"And, uh, Souji?"

When his attention turned back to Yosuke, his friend was apparently finding the other part of the room more interesting to look at. He still asked, "Yes?"

"Are you—I mean... Are you mad? About last night, or even this morning?"

Unexpectedly, Souji began to laugh.

His friend was not impressed. "Hey! I'm being serious!"

Mad? It might have been the most hilarious thing Yosuke had said in ages.

"No, far from it," he corrected, squeezing Yosuke's hand tighter. "I'm glad you took the first steps. I was being a coward instead of talking with you."

"This was what you were going to tell me, wasn't it?"

It surprised him, but it wasn't like it wasn't fairly obvious. "It was."

Yosuke shook his head. "If I'd just waited, you could have been the one to say all that mushy stuff first."

"After my ‘Shadow’, I doubt I would have," Souji countered.

"Huh, without your ‘Shadow’, I don't know if I could have done anything," he replied with some realization.

Souji could sense time was almost up. After this, they’d be surrounded by the rest of the world. Perhaps his ‘Shadow’ would return, but right now, reality was assured. Right now, Yosuke was physically touching him. Right now was real. Even his mind knew the margin of error was nonexistent.

"Yosuke, I—"

Yosuke's phone began to chime, signaling it was time to leave. He silenced it quickly, no doubt trying to keep Souji talking.

"Let's get going," Souji said, knowing it'd be easier if he were the one to say it. He also pulled his hand away, knowing that, too, was the easier solution.

"But what were..." Yosuke looked at his empty hand with a frown. "Yeah, I guess we have to."

They slipped on the normal aprons and their jackets, but as they approached the door, Yosuke stopped his partner. His face was on fire as he grabbed a different jacket, one with a higher collar, and handed it to Souji. It reminded him that the light bruises were too easily seen on his pale skin.

"I'll... be more careful next time," Yosuke added, not realizing the implications of his words.

Souji remained quiet about it, but he wanted to say that the way Yosuke had treated him was fine. The placement was all that needed to be amended. He firmly enjoyed the idea of a next time.

Yosuke slipped his headphones around his neck and gave another warm smile reserved only for Souji. “Let’s get going, partner.”

Souji returned the smile in kind.

He swept his mind of all thoughts concerning last night and rebuilt from a blank slate. Today would be too full of people to allow his mind to drift. He also refused to let his ‘Shadow’ and Personas overwhelm him. The leader knew that things were still unstable, and that he needed to face his friends and the consequences of his ‘Shadow’s’ words.

But if things turned unmanageable, he could cling to the truth that Yosuke loved and stood by him.

For now, first the job, then the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, hey. Anyone question their email notification about this story?
> 
> Alright, serious time. A huge thanks to everyone for their infinite patience!
> 
> First, this thing probably would not have even been updated until next year if it hadn’t been for my amazing best friend and wife, [chromsama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chromsama/pseuds/chromsama). No joke, she literally cheers me on every day, and it’s unreal how wonderful she is. She reads the drafts I write and rewrite dozens of times. I don’t deserve you BUT I LOVE AND ADORE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME AND MY MESS. <33333 (also read all her stuff because it gives me hope and warm fuzzy feelings :’D)
> 
> NOW! Another huge thanks to everyone who followed, gave kudos, bookmarked, commented or just read this exhausting story. I am also awful at responding in a timely manner to your comments, but I read and appreciate each one of them. :’D I cannot believe the amount of love this story has received, and I am eternally grateful for each and every one of you.  
> Finally, I know I have the worst update speed, but this will never be abandoned. I posted this thing to FF.net in 2015 (lol) and it’s still going. Full disclosure of what’s been going on: attending college full-time and working full-time make writing nearly impossible for me, but I’m finally in my last semester. That being said, don’t expect any updates until after December, possibly into February. :| I know. I suck. But if I’m gonna update, I’m gonna do it right. And trust me… the next chapter is going to be ridiculously long… I’m a little terrified. 8)’
> 
> Next chapter will still be in Souji's silly head, then we’ll swap back to Yosuke’s mess. See you guys eventually, and then we’ll one day celebrate this story’s completion in the year 3018. Thank you so much as always!


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